kara with a k

Things I've Done While Not Blogging

2011-10-24T10:20:00.002-04:00

Lots has happened since last we met. It's no longer a steamy 110 outside. Leaves are changing colors. In the season their supposed to and everything. TV went back to normal (although, I have to admit, it may never be the same without LOST). My life is still boring, but stuff did happen. And yet, no blog posts from me. It would take too many posts to try to relive the last two months sans blogging. So I thought, rather than bore you all, I'd just list them. In no order of importance. Except maybe the first. I'm pretty proud of that one.

1. Successfully pulled off my first women's retreat
2. Started teaching the Beth Moore Esther Bible Study
3. Was beyond excited that 17 women would want to come to anything I teach
4. Became underwhelmed with the new crop of shows on tv this season.
5. With the exception of New Girl and Up All Night. Oh, and it's a given I would love Once Upon a Time. Hello, anything from anyone who had anything to do with LOST is gonna grab my attention. (But this: Michael Emerson= Benjamin Linus. And sorry, Person of Interest, I can't see him any other way.)
6. Lost 30.4 lbs (technically that's the tally since June 14th)
7. Stepped down from the worship team.
8. Cheered my Oklahoma State Cowboys to a 7-0 season thus far
9. Tried to quell my cheer at OU losing their first game :)
10. Spent a gazillion hours and gazillion gallons of paint on the youth room at church.
11. Decided gray is most definitely the best paint color choice ever.
12. Contemplated painting bedroom gray.
13. Decide it's more work than I want after painting youth room.
14. Downloaded new albums from Needtobreathe, Switchfoot, Sara Groves and Katie Herzig.
15. Decided this is the best autumn for music. Ever. Ever, ever, ever.
16. Began a mission iPad for christmas plan against the parents that rivals Ralphie's for his Red Rider BB Gun. Results TBD. At least I know I won't shoot my eye out.
17. Disciplined myself to hold off listening to christmas music as a whole until October 25th.
18. Questioned whether two months is enough for christmas music listening enjoyment.
19. Redacted my 25th of October christmas music start date.
20. Enjoyed the bliss of seeing David Crowder*Band live-- for the last time :(
21. Enjoyed the bliss of seeing Gungor live-- hopefully for the first of many times :)
22. Picked up Tammie Head's bible study, Duty or Delight. It is awesome. The kind of awesome that is life changing.
23. Dominated at Hanging With Friends. Shelved Words with Friends, for the time being.
24. Contemplated getting another pug. Perhaps next spring.
25. Visited Austin to see my sister. And her new condo. Both were fantastic.
26. Tried foie gras, duck, and rabbit for the first time ever. For the record, not a fan of the first, surprised by sort of liking the second, and still don't want to admit I may have eaten a relative of Thumper.
27. Discovered a new love for goat cheese. Which now supercedes my love for feta and blue cheese. I know you were wondering.
28. Pinned a few pins at pinterest. Just a few. Or 1400.
29. Thought about blogging, but then just slept in. Rinse. Repeat.
30. Got Just Dance 3 for the Wii. Channeled Sarah Jessica Parker in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (I love...to dance *insert blissful sigh*).
31. Attempted only 1 thing I've seen on Pinterest. Hasselback Potatoes. Delish. Try them. (Also, discovered Food Gawker thanks to Pinterest.)
32. Got a little giddy over the arrival of autumn.
33. Thought maybe I should blog again. For reals this time.

As of Late: August 2011

2011-08-18T12:01:00.000-04:00

Everybody knows I hate August, right? I've made no bones about this in the past. August is a month to just endure and get through, and I've come to accept this. The only thing that can get me out of my "let's skip August altogether" mantra is my very favorite meme, As of Late, hosted by the delightful Critty Joy. So beyond the fact that I can't stand this ugly, ugly month of summer heat, let's pick up with what else is going on with me as of late, shall we?

Lately I have been in a writing/blogging drought. As evidenced by the lack of posts this summer. I hope the love of writing returns soon. My prediction is somewhere around the time the 100+ degree temperatures leave for more than three days.

Lately I am in the throws of planning my first fall retreat at church. It is in a month and I am excited/terrified. Praying everything flows smoothly and the women of the church are blessed.

Lately I've been painfully reminded of how much it is impossible to control other people's lives. Crazy, I know. And don't ask me why it's taken 34 years to slowly figure this one out.

Lately I've immersed myself in Arrested Development for my nightly escape from the heat. Laughter is like October, I say. Cool and refreshing.

Lately I'm pleased at the results of attending Weight Watchers this summer. 27lbs down since June 7th!! And my mom has lost 22 lbs since June 14th!! This is the most successful I've been on WW since I first started in 2003.

Lately I've been asking God to rekindle a passion inside of me for Him and His word. The drought in my heart hasn't been limited just to writing this summer.

Lately I wish there were things in my heart and mind that would just be settled already. Have you ever felt that way?

Lately, my summer music love has been Mat Kearney. His new album Young Love is awesome.

So bloggy friends, what's new with you? Are you enduring the heat any better than I have? Any words of encouragement?

And go check out the rest of the As of Late's over at Critty Joy while your at it!

Things That Have Made This Unbearable Summer Bearable

2011-07-29T00:10:00.009-04:00

I think I've decided that while bears like to hibernate in winter, I prefer to spend my time being all reclusive and chilled out in the dreadful heat of summer. I. Do. Not. Like. July. Or August, or any time that involves weeks on end with high temps hovering over the triple digit mark. I do not relish days that break records for heat. I do not like walking outside and feeling like I walked into an oven. I do not like breezes that feel like the angels left their hairdryers set on high. I want October in the worst way. But tomorrow it will still be July so I'm trying, desperately, to look on the bright side. This is the best I can do. Then I shall resume the hibernation process.

My hilarious, wonderful co-workers. I have so enjoyed my work this summer. Together we endured the hell that is a tent sale in triple digit heat.

Our community theater's production of Hairspray. Everyone was so talented. It was so much fun watching some friends dance and sing with beehive hairdos and retro outfits straight out of the sixties. Awesome.

Burlap to Cashmere's new release. It's like a sweet, mild breeze breaking through the monstrous heat and for a few minutes I feel like I'm sitting out on a patio in Santorini watching the sunset over the sea. And this makes me insanely, blissfully happy. Even if it's all in my head. Steven Delopoulos, I will love you forever. And ever.

A new movie to enjoy every weekend. This week it's Crazy, Stupid, Love and one super fab Ryan Gosling. Not to mention the popcorn and coke

Planning my church's women's retreat for September. I love when a good plan falls into place.

Icees and snowcones with my youth group on Wednesday nights.

Another new song from Needtobreathe...

NeedToBreathe - Drive All Night by MMMusic

This. Oh the truth in this post.

The wonder that is air conditioning.

Cool crisp salads, fresh summer fruits, yummy satisfying sandwiches and not having to cook in a hot kitchen.

Only 8 or so more weeks of this nasty heat (I hope). Fall is surely coming soon.

As of Late: July 2011

2011-07-21T10:37:00.000-04:00

The heat makes me blue. Which means right about now, a trillion days into a 100+ degree heat wave, I'm beyond despair. It ain't pretty. So let's distract ourselves with a beloved meme, shall we?

Here's what's going on with me, As of Late....

Lately, like this summer heat, I've felt I'm in a season I just have to get through. Endure.Survive. That's about all I have the energy and strength to do.

Lately I'm thankful that even in this unbearably unpleasant season of my life, it's down time offers rest before the flurry of activity that is going to overtake my beloved autumn.

Lately I think this coming September might be the best month for new music in the history of ever.

Lately I'm meditating on how to be a doer of the word and not just a hearer only.

Lately I've found refuge in summer movies, popcorn and cool, air conditioned movie theaters.

Lately I'm wishing that Mary Poppin would visit my house. If only to teach me how to clean with a snap of my fingers.

Lately I've been pondering where I am with Grace, my word for 2011, with half the year already over.

So what is going on with you As of Late? And don't forget to check out Critty's blog for more As of Late updates from some bloggy friends I love most of all.

No Procrastinating Week: How I Did

2011-07-06T00:14:00.001-04:00

So my no procrastinating week is over. Phew. Only I didn't completely succeed. I had such high hopes! I was ready to take on the world of the ever mounting to-do list! I was going to get the car cleaned out for the first time in five years! Only I did not. Here's how it went:

1. Clean out the trunk of my car. Didn't even get around to attempting it this weekend.

2. Start prep for the Beth Moore Esther study. Watch the intro video and complete week one's homework. I watched the first week but I didn't finish the homework for week one.
3. ~~Catch up on all laundry~~.

4. Clean my bathroom. Does partially clean count? Nah, didn't think so.

5. ~~Clean my desk off~~.

6. ~~Make a list of books I haven't read yet from my bookshelves~~ (it's part of my 101 things to read these). There are 56 (56!) books partially read or completely unread. I am freaking out about now.

7. Take the clothes I've bagged up for donation. Saturday. I forgot this was on the list! Honest! Nevermind I didn't check the list to see if I missed anything.

8. ~~Stay up to date on my daily Bible reading~~.

9. ~~Read at least 5 more chapters of Max Lucado's Outlive Your Life.~~

10. ~~Write 3 Blog posts~~.

What I learned:

It's Better to Start Small. All these things on my to-do list are good things to take care of, things that have kind of been bearing down on me, but my procrastinating nature and my time schedule were not up for getting them all done in a seven day period. So that might make me procrastinating and lazy, but that's my best excuse. I had 21 things on my master list for the week (I accomplished 10)and I should have kept it to maybe 10 things (or even as few as 5-7, baby steps!). I need to remember Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a productive, efficient Kara.

I can tackle projects even when I don't want to and it won't kill me. Some of my late nights I was fighting with myself to read or tackle a project or do one more load of laundry (there seemed like countless loads of laundry), but I did it anyway. It would have been so much easier to just go to bed or play Angry Birds until my eye rolled back in my head (so I've heard. I have never done this as a means of procrastinating. Nope not me). I was most thankful for reading Outlive Your Life, because each chapter held a blessing in it every time.

Taking care of something now gives me more freedom later. As long as I've been writing, studying, leading anything at all, I've found myself at odds with the good old deadline. I see it looming in the not too far distance and I (mildly) panic so I find it calming to do something, anything, else to stave off the work. I plan a lot in my head, and give myself credit for doing actual work. I watch more tv than normal. I perfect my Just Dance 2 moves for Tik Tok. I'll even do other work that has nothing to do with the work I need to do. Then at the eleventh hour I go into a wild overdrive. I start begrudging the task at hand and why I thought I could handle something so large and how unfair it is that I have to do all. this. hard. work. when other people are content to play around on Pinterest. Not fair, I say! A lot of times the final result reveals this attitude, sometimes, mercifully, it does not. Either way I suffer through my fair share of frustration, anxiety and stress that could be eliminated entirely if I would just not procrastinate. Then I can indulge myself later in much Pinterest goodness and Just Dance 2 awesomeness.

I still love a good To-Do List, and now I know a well-constructed, realistic one is totally doable. Because today I'm sitting at a clean desk, with a closet full of clean clothes and I'm more prepared for next week's Sunday School and this fall's Bible Study than I was a week ago. I am not marking the no procrastinating week off my 101 things list though, not until I fully complete the task. I feel good that it will be marked off sometime soon. Just not too soon.

Things To Do on A Three Day Weekend, By Kara

2011-07-01T00:06:00.006-04:00

Sleep in, at least once, but maybe twice. Definitely Twice. But not three times. It just seems lazy.
See Larry Crowne. In Theaters this weekend!
Clean out the car. On Saturday. Mark off something on the to-do list to make up for sleeping in two days.
Stay out of the heat!
Finish doing the laundry.
Dominate on Just Dance 2. Marvel in your mad dancing skills.
Eat Watermelon. It's a 4th of July Law, of this I'm certain.
Finish watching the movies you rented on Netflix.
Start your re-watch LOST series project. Does that really qualify as a "project'?
Debate whether or not you use the word "project" a bit too loosely.
Kick it with family on the 4th.
Practice your "Ooooh" and "Ahhhhh" in anticipation of fireworks shows.
Hope Fireworks show doesn't get cancelled because of burn ban in your dry, hot, sad county.
Eat something grilled and or barbequed. See 4th of July eating laws.
Give thanks to God, because Praise Him, it's a THREE DAY WEEKEND!!

What are your plans? And don't tell me you have a four day weekend, I might get jealous!

Beth, The Voice, Needtobreathe: What are Three Things I'm Loving This Week?

2011-06-28T09:50:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else get all back to school level excited when starting a new Beth Moore Bible Study? I'm not trying to elevate the Siesta Mama to heights unknown or anything, but I'm just curious if it's just me or a church wide phenomenon? Because I cannot contain the joy when a new study starts.

Technically, we don't kick off our bible study until September. But as a non-procrastinating teacher (ahem) I am prepping 9 weeks in advance. Last night I watched the introductory session of Esther and I am already so pumped to dig into this study. There is something about that big-haired Texas woman that makes me thrill to God's word and crave early mornings digging into it. She makes me want to be a better bible scholar/disciple/student/teacher.

In other news I am anticipating the finale of The Voice tonight. I am pulling for Dia, of course, but I will be happy if Javier wins too. His voice is amazing. And Vicci is pretty awesome too. I loved her performance of Dog Days are Over last week. It's also my night to hang out with Ina, so it's going to be a win-win no matter what the outcome.

And in final, late breaking (and by late breaking I mean a week late) news, Needtobreathe has a new single out on iTunes. It's called Slumber and it is fantastic. As it should be. It gives me endless joy to wake up to this song every morning (and then listen to it on repeat a couple dozen times). I can't wait until their new album releases. I need some new Needtobreathe!

One Thousand Gifts: {16-22}

2011-06-27T09:05:00.000-04:00

This week I'm focusing on being productive rather than procrastinating, but another thing I still struggle with so much is my inclination toward complaining and negativity. I am pressing on with my list of One Thousand Gifts, these things I am thankful to God for, and here are the latest findings.

16. My church. Not the four walls, but the people. Their kindness, love and servant-like attitudes. I'm thankful that my church is the church God has called me at this point in my life. That the people love God's word, that the leaders have integrity, that opportunities abound to serve God in both small and big ways in this fellowship of believers.

17. Air Conditioning. It's summer in Oklahoma. Need I say more?

18. Finishing. The procrastinator in me may balk at all the stuff on my to-do list this week, but it feels oh so good to accomplish each one (in a timely manner).

19. Soft, cool sheets on my bed.

20. Reminders that I am loved, 100%. {Thanks for posting this, BT!}

21. Revelation of things that are truly in my heart. Even if the truth hurts, I am thankful for a God who sees my heart, loves me despite my faults, and helps me face the freeing truth.

22. A new day, full of mercies, untainted by any mistakes or sins yet, brimming with possibility and hope.

I'm Trying to Procrastinate on My No Procrastinating Week. Typical.

2011-06-26T20:06:00.000-04:00

The three biggest faults about myself that I'm honest enough about to blog about are procrastinating, complaining and arguing needlessly. These things are so ingrained in me that I don't know if there is a day that goes by that I don't partake in one or all of them. They are also the things that cause me plenty of regret and sorrow. I hate the person these faults make me seem like. Because I know I'm more productive, less negative and less combative than this trio gives me credit for. As part of my 101 things challenge, I decided I would take a week abstaining from each respectively. And since it's the one I'd like to put off the longest, I decided I must tackle no procrastinating first. Of course.

For the week I've made a list of things that I need to take care of this week, things I've been procrastinating on for awhile. I've determined which days are best suited to tackle each thing and by virtue of said week I will do it on that day. Simple as that, right? Also, any projects my boss gives me, I will handle as soon as possible instead of relegating them to the back burner. I shall be a superstar on the job this week!

Here is a partial list:
1. Clean out the trunk of my car (here is my confession: I haven't emptied it since we moved almost 5 years ago!). I will do this Saturday. Also it will mean I can check something else off of my 101 list.
2. Start prep for the Beth Moore Esther study. Watch the intro video and complete week one's homework. I am starting Monday.
3. Catch up on all laundry. (By the sheer enormity of this task, it will be done over a couple of days, from Sunday through Saturday)
4. Clean my bathroom. This is actually the first thing on my list, so don't ask me why I have it at #4, but it's being tackled tonight, actually.
5. Clean my desk off. Ditto being done tonight.
6. Make a list of books I haven't read yet from my bookshelves (it's part of my 101 things to read these). It's a Wednesday to do.
7. Take the clothes I've bagged up for donation. Saturday.
8. Stay up to date on my daily Bible reading. This is a daily thing.
9. Read at least 5 more chapters of Max Lucado's Outlive Your Life. Plan to read one chapter a night from Monday through Friday. I have been asked to lead my Sunday School class through this study so I need to be prepping (we start the second Sunday in July so I don't want to wait until the last minute).
10. Write 3 Blog posts. Including this one, so that's one down- two to go! Tomorrow and Tuesday are on the list too, so perhaps I will have more than 3! Woohoo!

There are 10 other things on my list, some work related, some personal. There is a lot of reading to be done (or I'll never finish all that's on the list for my 101 things project!), and a lot of laundry and cleaning. I hope that this week will help me on a path to being more productive. I may even try a few more No Procrastinating weeks over the course of this project. I'll let you know how I do, and whether my procrastinating tendencies try to make a play for my week. Should be interesting either way.

1,000 Gifts: 8-15

2011-06-20T10:36:00.000-04:00

Happy Monday, friends!

I had a great weekend. A girl I taught in pre-school, elementary and high school sunday school classes got married on Saturday. I had the pleasure of buying my dad's lunch on Father's Day. I got a nap on Sunday afternoon and spent an hour playing Just Dance 2 on the Wii with my mom. We are hilarious. There will be no video proving said hilarity, so just take my word for it. We are. Here is my list of things this weekend I am giving thanks for today.

8. Dancing with my mom. We are two very uncoordinated, uncool people, but we have a blast, so who cares what we look like?

9. Afternoon naps. I don't get them often, but when I do? Bliss!

10. Summer fruit. Watermelon, Peaches, Plums. One great thing about summer is all the yummy fruit!

11. The look on a bride's face as she's walking down the aisle to her groom. How she beams and everyone in attendance gets to take part in her joy.

12. Strong arms and legs that can do hard work like helping my dad lift heavy furniture or mow our lawn. And knowing I can be of use to my parents when they need me because I am able-bodied.

13. Soft chewy ice on hot summer days.

14. Frozen grapes. My new obsession. I don't know how I've made through any other summer without them.

15. The pictures of my parents and grandparents when they were young. I love seeing a bit of myself in them, seeing a bit of history before I was born, connecting their young faces to the stories I've heard them tell. Being a part of their legacy.

As of Late: June 2011

2011-06-18T11:07:00.000-04:00

I'm late, I'm late for a very special As of Late! Okay, so it's really not that special, except that it is my favorite meme, and it does only come around once a month, and I missed it! So. My dear BT hosts this monthly meme over at her blog Critty Joy, so once your caught up on all my goings on, why don't you head on over there too?

Lately I'm consumed with my 101 things project....

Lately I have my nose in a book (or my Kindle, in some cases), currently reading The Count of Monte Cristo, The Help, Bossypants, Outlive Your Life, The Fitting Room by Kelly Minter and One Thousand Gifts. Soon to be joining the list are Rebecca, Emma and Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Lately I'm completely and utterly over this dreadfully hot and dry summer.

Lately I'm learning to try harder to see things from other people's perspective (Thank you, Atticus!)

Lately I'm in love with all things M.A.C.

Lately I think, while I really don't like country music, Blake Shelton must be a musical genius, because Dia and Xenia? Brilliant!

Lately, while reading through Isaiah, I'm feeling the growing conviction over the sins in my own life.

Lately I'm getting over the fact that neither I, nor my sister (or even my precious BT) will be marrying one Don Miller, now that he's engaged and all.

Lately I'm feeling like this time with Weight Watchers is really, truly going to be my last (in a good way!).

Doesn't my summer sound fantastic? (Minus 100+ degree temperatures, of course!).

So I'm off to a wedding, I hope your weekend is splendid! Don't forget to check out Christy's As of Late!

Midweek Roundup? Yeah, That's a Good Title

2011-06-15T10:36:00.000-04:00

Just a couple jumbled up things to discuss here:

First, David Crowder Band is breaking up? This makes me sad. Very, very sad. When I read it on Stuff Christians Like and confirmed it via their website, the first call I made was to my bestie, letting her know that we must (WE MUST!) see them in October when they come to Dallas. Again, this makes me very sad.

Second, Super 8 is a wonderful summer movie. And it has Kyle Chandler in it. So win win.

Third, it is way too freakin' hot for it to not even officially be summer yet. I am dreading August like nobody's business.

Fourth, I am super excited that Dia Frampton is continuing on to the semi-finals on The Voice. And I"m really hoping that Casey Weston and Javier Colon from Team Adam go on too. I also loved Vicci Martinez from team CeeLo.

Fifth, I am a year behind in Netflix viewing, but I finally watched District 9 this week. It was a scifi flick with a political message but I was effected by it way more than I thought it would be. The only word I could describe it as is haunting. Not in a scary way, but in a stick with you days later way. I can't stop thinking about it.

Last of all, Drop Dead Diva is back on Sunday night. I am sad there is no Tony this year, but it's still my favorite summer time escape.

And that is all. Happy Wednesday.

1000 Gifts {1-7}

2011-06-13T14:38:00.000-04:00

I am slowly, surely making my way through Ann Voskamp's stunningly beautiful work, One Thousand Gifts. In fact, it was the first book I purchased on my Kindle back in February, if that gives you any indication how long I've been savoring it's goodness.

I knew that when I started my 101 things in 1001 days challenge, that making my own One Thousand Gifts list would be one of my things. My propensity towards negativity and complaining need a douse of warm thanksgiving. What better way to keep track than join along for Multitude Mondays?

1. The colors in the sky right after the sun sets, graduating from a golden peach to midnight blue. This is my favorite time of day.

2. The pink rambling roses that are always in bloom just before my birthday each May. I love that they are wild and none but God tends to them, and they are delightfully beautiful.

3. Being wakened by sunlight and not a buzzer

4. Cool mornings that beckon you to be outside.

5. Peonies. Having a peony bush in my own backyard.

6.Fresh raspberries {and especially when they are on sale}

7.Weekday mornings that aren't rushed.

Update of Underwhelming Proportions

2011-06-09T11:20:00.004-04:00

I have almost finished reading To Kill a Mockingbird. And every chapter I read I want to slap myself for not reading this amazing book sooner. It is most definitely in my top 5 books read of all time (should I finish it before making that proclamation? I only have about 3 chapters left, so I'm feeling bold). I've laughed out loud, cried ugly tears and put Atticus Finch up there with George Bailey in my list of the greatest men who I wish existed in real life. I don't know if any of the other books on my list are going to be able to measure up. It's not like people talk on and on about the wonders of Middlemarch or anything. Just sayin'.

I am also slowly making my way through The Count of Monte Cristo, but I know this one will take quite a bit longer to work through. One thing I know, Edmund Dantes is one hated man to be such a good man. And I've already figured out the movie took plenty of liberties in it's telling of this story. I should have expected this.

Also, I've picked some super long books to read over the next 1001 days. It's making me nervous. But that's the way it goes.

For those who are interested, Dia Frampton is on iTunes as Meg and Dia. You can also download her version of Heartless like she performed on The Voice Tuesday, but it isn't the live version from the show.

And I am going back to Weight Watchers meetings starting next Tuesday. I had a doctor's appointment this week that was less than exemplary. And since one of my 101 goals is to reach a goal weight of 145, I'm thinking I better do something about that. The accountability was very effective for me when I went to meetings 2 years ago, and a couple friends are going to join me, so that will make it better as well.

This weekend while we were in Austin, my sister took me to the M.A.C. counter and I had a fun little makeover. Consider me a convert! I love their studio fix powder foundation and I love the paint pots for the eyes too! And their techniques have transformed my makeup routine. Once I find the cord to my camera I'll upload a few pictures. It was one of the best birthday gifts I ever received. Thanks, Jenna!!

The other highlight of my Austin trip was visiting the farmer's market on Saturday. Even though it was unbelievably hot out, the vendors were amazing. I had some of the best lemonade ever, ginger peach lemonade. I wish I could have bought a bunch of produce to take home, but it wasn't feasible. Makes me glad we have a little one here that I can go to this Saturday. Weight Watchers will be so proud of me.

Because I Must Share This Goodness With The World

2011-06-08T09:35:00.004-04:00

Did anybody else watch The Voice last night? I didn't see all of it, but of what I did see my favorite was by far Dia Frampton. She is unbelievable. Like Regina Spektor meets Adele meets Brooke Fraser meets Priscilla Ahn. As evidenced by this youtube video of her singing a Mumford and Sons song (this one's for you, Christy!)

She has a lot of covers on Youtube, including songs from Ingride Michaelson, Taylor Swift and Zac Brown Band (one of my favorites of hers!). I definitely recommend you spend some time today checking out her videos there. It will be time not wasted, I assure you. Your boss will surely understand.

I don't know if anyone else on this show will be better than her (and this is from a girl who was ready to wrap the whole thing up for Javier Colon up until last night).

One more for the road

Happy Saturday Playlist

2011-06-04T07:05:00.000-04:00

While I'm enjoying the awesomeness that is Austin, I thought I'd share a timely playlist. The Happy Saturday Playlist. Hope your weekends are grand, my friends.

I kind of have my life compartmentalized into playlists. Music fits any and every occasion, I think. There are songs I need on a bad day, and songs I need when I feel moody and songs I love for a roadtrip. I was thinking about how much I love weekends and how some songs just lend themselves to making the ultimate Saturday playlist. Here is just a sampling (because the one I created in iTunes has over 100 songs in it, because I LOVE my Saturdays).

1. 12 West Front Street by Steven Delopoulos This song makes me think of riding around town, running errands, or going shopping, enjoying the utter lack of responsibility that is a requirement for a perfect Saturday. Driving down by the shore again gonna find me a local star. Shining bright in the middle of the night, shining light inside my car....

2. Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson. Everybody everybody wants to love, everybody everybody wants to be loved...The truth is in the lyric. It's bubbly and sweet and bubbly and sweet make me think how much I am happy that it's the weekend.

3. Ramona by Guster Ramona, your Miss Oklahoma and you miss Oklahoma, I'll get you what you want. Favorite line ever with my home state mentioned in it.

4. Little Lies by Dave Barnes. Everything is beautiful, cotton fields, the open road... This is way too happy a ditty to be talking about a fight. So let's overlook that part and just sing lalalalalala these little lies, lalalalalalala lala these little lies...you may be asking yourself, did she add the right amount of lalas? But that's the wrong question, the right one is how stinkin' fun is this song?

5. The Littlest Birds by The Be Good Tanyas For a springy or summery sunny Saturday, and because some Saturday's you have the wandering blues. The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs...

6. Ordinary Day- Emilie Mover Most Saturdays are splendidly ordinary. So this song is fitting. And sorta fun fact: I found this song on a Bounce dryer sheet commercial. And I tend to do laundry on Saturdays. So, well, there you go.

7. Pencil Full of Lead by Paolo Nutini I dare you, no, I triple dog dare you, to listen to this song and not dance a little jig. It's a good song for cleaning or cooking or doing those chores that sometimes are unavoidable on a Saturday. My sister played Paolo Nutini for me when she came home a couple Thanksgivings ago and I can't get enough of him. You would never in a million years guess it's a Scottish dude in his early twenties singing.

8. No Man's Land by Sufjan Stevens. Most of his music is ideal for Saturday'. This is the kind of song you want to wake up to on a Saturday, because it makes you smile and so do Saturdays.

9. Big Blue Sky by Sandra McCracken I heart Sandra McCracken. This song is pure sweetness. You are the water, I am an iceberg, under a big blue sky.

10. How Can I Tell by Sara Groves The lyrics make me smile. Sara Groves is a perfect soundtrack for Saturday's when she's light and bright, and she's light and bright in joyous bunches in this song. Favorite lyric: So I'll expand my vocabulary, spend some time at the local library, analyze the archetypes anything to get this right...

What songs make your Saturdays even more happy?

We Interrupt All This Literary Whatnot to Bring You More Movies

2011-06-03T01:20:00.002-04:00

My mom has a deep and abiding love for old movies. Thanks to her I've seen so many classics that are some of my favorites: It Happened One Night, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, and the Katharine Hepburn version of Little Women. I went through a Marilyn Monroe phase in my teenage years and together we watched Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend, How to Marry a Millionaire, and Some Like it Hot. Then we had to watch James Dean's Giant and Rebel Without a Cause. Then there was more Audrey Hepburn with Roman Holiday and Sabrina. I even went through a classic horror movie phase and we watched Rosemary's Baby and Psycho. So I have watched a lot of cool old flicks. But there are still some big ones missing from my list. Some that you'd think it's a crime I've missed. So I'm going to make it right, and mark another thing off my 101 things list too!

Here's my list of 20 Classics I Haven't Seen (Yet):

1. Casablanca
2. Gone With The Wind (I seen most but not all of this movie)
3. On The Waterfront
4. Singin' in the Rain
5. All About Eve
6. The African Queen
7. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
8. Bonnie and Clyde
9. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
10. Annie Hall
11. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (I've seen parts of this movie, but not all of it)
12. The Philadelphia Story
13. From Here to Eternity
14. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
15. An American In Paris
16. Adam's Rib
17. Bringing Up Baby
18. A Place in the Sun
19. 12 Angry Men
20. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

I read off this list to one of my co-workers, Nancy, and it was a series of , "yes, yes, seen it, oh yes, that was fabulous, yes, yes, yes, wasn't crazy about that one". She had seen every single movie! It cracked me up. I think my mom has seen all of them (except Annie Hall), but I'm going to make her watch some of these with me. I know my dad will be in on Close Encounters and Butch Cassidy. I'm hoping to get some of these in just by checking the listings on TCM or AMC (does AMC show movies any more, or is it just Mad Men and The Killing?). Then the rest I can get on Netflix. Since the reading project will take considerably longer than the movie watching, my natural inclination is tackle movies first!

Also, in classic reads news, I went ahead and purchased a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. I think it will be one I want to hold on to instead of return to the library. I've read a few pages and I'm already in love! I knew I would be. You knew I would be. Mrs. Blackwood knew I would be. My fifteen year old self hangs her head in shame.

Do You Think Mrs. Blackwood Might Still Give Me a Pop Quiz?

2011-06-02T05:19:00.002-04:00

I don't feel like I have the right to say I love to read once I make this next statement, but here goes: I've never read To Kill a Mockingbird. Cue the audible gasp. Nope, never. I would have read it my sophomore year in high school, if I had taken Honors English II, as it was part of the reading requirements for that class. But I didn't. I could have been all proactive and read it on my own my sophomore year or anytime in the nineteen years since, I just never did. And so here I am. 34 years old, having never read one of the (or maybe THE) greatest American novels of all time.

As part of my 101 in 1001 challenge, I decided to read 20 Classic Novels I've Never Read Before. I knew immediately that To Kill a Mockingbird would be on the list, as well as some others you may be surprised I've never read. Which makes it perfect that Get a Library card (I haven't had one since college!) is also on my list and I can make Harper Lee's classic the first book I check out.

Here are my 20 books:
1. To Kill A Mockingbird
2. Pride and Prejudice (I know, I know, I haven't read this one either!)
3. The Alchemist
4. Anna Karenina
5. The Count of Monte Cristo
6. Gone With The Wind
7. East of Eden
8. Don Quixote
9. The Picture of Dorian Gray
10. Watership Down
11. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
12. Madame Bovary
13. Tess of the D'Ubervilles
14. A Farewell to Arms
15. Middlemarch
16. Rebecca
17. As I Lay Dying
18. Life of Pi
19. Emma
20. Persuasion

I am also re-reading Little Women and Anne of Green Gables, and reading The Stand by Stephen King, but they are not on the list. I didn't put The Stand on the list because I'm afraid it will take me more than 1001 days to read it all. I also had originally put The Great Gatsby on the list and then realized I did, in fact, read it in Honors English III. Hurray for something!

I was able to download some of the above titles onto my Kindle for free. The Count of Monte Cristo, Anna Karenina, Don Quixote, Emma, Persuasion, Madame Bovary being some of them. I started The Count of Monte Cristo Tuesday night, so I'm already on my way. By my calculations I have an average of 50 days per book, but given my penchant for reading multiple books at once I thought I better start on more than one at a time, so I'm also starting Persuasion as well. I hear it's Jane Austen's best work.

What do you think of my reading list? Do I have to do book reports? Will there be a pop quiz?

Tomorrow, my list of 20 Classic Movies I've Never Seen. Prepare to be shocked and amazed. Or underwhelmed and over it. It's one of the two, for sure.

My Top 50 Favorite Movies

2011-06-01T01:12:00.002-04:00

My love for all things list made this my first and easiest goal to mark off my 101 in 1001 days challenge. The top 10 are definitely my top 10, the remaining 40 are in no particular order.

1. It's A Wonderful Life (favorite christmas movie, but also favorite all-time movie. George Bailey, I'll love you til the day I die!)
2. The Princess Bride (the quotability factor makes this one an all-time Kara fave)
3. The Breakfast Club (clearly I have a love for Molly Ringwald in the 80's)
4. Pretty in Pink (and Andrew McCarthy, but only in the 80's).
5. Sense and Sensibility (Hugh Grant, I will always love you for being in this movie)
6. The Goonies (Who is my favorite Goonie, you ask? Why that's like asking which child is my favorite. But an old Facebook quiz told me I most like Martha Plimpton's character, Stef.)
7. Julie and Julia (Amy Adams+Meryl Streep+Blogging+Julia Child+food, glorious food= sheer movie bliss)
8. That Thing You Do (Tom Everett Scott, I had such a crush on you after this movie! Also the quotability factor with this movie makes it a top 10 favorite...."Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song "Alone in my principles.")
9. It Happened One Night (Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert, The Wall of Jericho, part of me wants this movie remade, part of me knows nothing could improve upon this old black and white).
10. Beauty and the Beast (I still remember going to see this movie with my sister while we were on a youth outing to a mall at christmas time. Totally better than ice skating and hanging out in the food court for a few hours if you ask me).
11. Elf
12. Stranger Than Fiction
13. Lars and The Real Girl
14. Nacho Libre
15. Kung Fu Panda
16. Little Women (Winona Ryder version AND Katharine Hepburn version, please!)
17. The Little Mermaid
18. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
19. The Matrix
20. Empire Records
21. Forrest Gump
22. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
23. Wedding Singer
24. Mamma Mia
25. Shag
26. Fried Green Tomatoes
27. Madea's Family Reunion
28. Dead Poets' Society
29. While You Were Sleeping
30. Dazed and Confused
31. What About Bob? (I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful)
32. 13 Going On 30
33. Summer Magic
34. When Harry Met Sally
35. Father of the Bride (Steve Martin version, love Hank and Frank!)
36. Father of the Bride II
37. Breakfast at Tiffany's
38. Juno
39. Annie
40. One Fine Day (One of my favorite George Clooney movies ever)
41. Ocean's Eleven
42. E.T.
43. Pride and Prejudice
44. Bend it Like Beckham
45. Napoleon Dynamite
46. Back to the Future
47. Finding Nemo
48. Mary Poppins
49. The Neverending Story
50. Four Weddings and a Funeral

So much fun, don't you think? And I feel so accomplished! 1 goal down, 100 to go.

Goal Number One: Become More Goal Oriented

2011-05-31T01:55:00.002-04:00

After my 13,140 post, I've been thinking a lot about what to do with myself, for like, the rest of my life, or at the very least this present. Without rehashing said post the bottom line is, I'm tired of wasting the days.

I have seen other bloggers take part in the Day Zero Project, and after reading through Amanda's list, (and the fact that she has, in fact, is actually accomplishing some of those 101 things), I was finally compelled to make my own. The premise is to make a list of 101 things you would like to accomplish in the next 1001 days and then do them. Novel idea, right?

My list is wide and varied for sure. Reach my goal weight and pay off my credit cards are there amongst get a facial and make someone a birthday cake. Make a list of my top 50 favorite movies sits alongside sponsor a child from Compassion International. And there are practical things too, like learn to sew a button and hem pants, as well as cook a pot roast.

Making the list was fun. I love making lists. I spent the better part of my long weekend making it, relishing these 101 big and little, life changing and mundane sorts of things. Now that the weekend is over and I'm back to real life, I know there's no better time than now to move from list making to walking out these goals.

My plan is to write about them every now and again, just to let you know how it's going (which starts tomorrow with my first goal accomplished: listing my top 50 favorite movies. You knew I had to start easy, right?). I've learned that blogging something isn't a perfect form of accountability, but it is a start.

The one thing I do know, is that I want a well-planned, thriving life rather than a lackadaisical life. So I'm going to read 20 classic books I've never read before, and I'm going to write a worship song and run a 5k and ride in a hot air balloon and try Thai food and give up sugar for a month. And hopefully in doing these things, there will emerge the girl whose life isn't passing her by. A girl with goals and dreams that aren't just sitting on the shelf or existing only in her head. Someone walking it out. By Faith. On Purpose. With Purpose.

Playlist For A Good Summer

2011-05-30T16:40:00.003-04:00

I am admittedly not the biggest fan of summer. I try to like it, what with it's awesome fresh produce and lightning bugs and fireworks and fun holidays and family get togethers, but in the end the mosquitoes and insane humidity and heat make me loathe it. But it's still May, and the temps haven't hit triple digits (yet) and the mosquitoes are thus far only mildly annoying. So I will stay Pollyanna positive with one of the best things about this, and any, season: awesome music.

In the summer time I listen to a ridiculous amount of oldies, particularly southern rock and motown. I blame this on movies like Forrest Gump and Shag and Dazed and Confused. These movies of my youth have tainted me with a penchant for these sorts of songs in these hot summer months. But in an effort to have some varied musical taste this summer, I've added some other fun in the sun, warm weather musical delights for your ears to feast on while avoiding mosquitoes and 110 degree temps.

1. Brighter Than The Sun- Colbie Callait. Does she sing anything that doesn't brim with sunshiney days? This one is almost too catchy and sunny for it's own good. But I love it.

2. Shady Esperanto and the Young Hearts Band- Stephen Kellogg and The Sixers. The video is fun and is basically a reminder that these are a bunch of thirty year old band nerds at heart. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

3. Jack Kerouac- Brooke Fraser. The most summery sounding of all the songs of Brooke's delightful album Flags. It makes me want to take a road trip in the worst way.

4. Dancing Shoes- Green River Ordinance. GRO makes me think of Austin in the summer time. And I want my man to one day dance with me to this song. This must happen.

5. Daylight- Matt and Kim. In the interest of full disclosure I first heard this song in a Bacardi rum commercial. So by virtue of it being in said commercial it has earned the right to be a summer song.

6.The Outsiders- Needtobreathe. A lot of Needtobreathe songs sound very much like summer. This one is no exception. Even though my first time to hear it live was smack dab in the middle of October, I could feel July's heat. This could be because of the throng of people pressed in all around me. Nonetheless.

7. Stars- David Crowder Band. I pretty much want to sit around a fire under a blanket of stars while David Crowder Band sings this song all acoustic like on a summer night. Someone needs to make this happen for me.

8. You Wreck Me- Tom Petty. Pretty much every single Tom Petty song is a summer song. But since I love my Needtobreathe, I'm sharing their cover of this tune. And it's an acoustic version which is even more delightful. Watching this videos it could not be more apparent that these guys have a blast performing live. Which is why they put on such amazing shows.

9. The Happiest Day- David Mead. I feel like this song needs me to be on a tropical beach in order to be fully appreciated. And I'd be happy to oblige, all summer long, if only my boss and my budget would allow.

10. Down on the Corner- Creedence Clearwater Revival. My favoritest CCR song ever. And this video makes me exceedingly happy.

And my guilty pleasure summer song is....Sugarland's Stuck Like Glue. I love that Awesome from Chuck is in the video. I think Jennifer Nettles is adorable. And when this song gets in your head it is stuck like, well, you know.

The Givens (as in, duh, these are mandatory summer songs): Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow, Joy to the World by Three Dog Night (actually pretty much anything in the Three Dog Night catalog fits here, as does anything by Creedence Clearwater Revival), Hot Child in the City by Nick Gilder, I'm Yours by Jason Mraz, and Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding.

So what songs scream summer to you?

Birthdays and Summer-y Goodness

2011-05-27T08:47:00.003-04:00

My week o' birthday celebrations has come to a close.

It was a fun ride, though (tornado spawned trips to the cellar excluded).

I made away with a stash of great gifts too. From Tina Fey's Bossypants, to the cutest pair of shoes from DSW, to Just Dance 2 for the Wii (so I can lose weight this summer and it will feel like I'm not! even! trying!). I had three awesome dinners (and for the curious I had steak at one, bacon wrapped shrimp at another, and beef fajitas at the last, the trifecta of awesome, I say), with two great and one marginally great desserts (peanut butter pie, creme brulee, and some fried ice cream thing topped with strawberries). And I celebrated with people I love. People I love who gave me stuff, but people I love just the same.

Now that the festivities have ended (save for a trip to see my sister next weekend that is only one part birthday, but more parts just want to see my sister), it's time to get down to business. Summertime business. Which everyone knows is the MOST important business of all.

Here in no particular order, are my plans for the summer:
Paint bedrooms, clean out closets and bonus room, and finish up yardwork so our house can go on the market!

Read through all the books I bought on my Kindle and Bossypants by Tina Fey. Revel in the awesome.

See this movie, this movie, this movie (jj abrams and steven spielberg, jj abrams! and steven spielberg! oh and kyle chandler) and more than likely this movie. But not forgetting about this movie as well (also, read book by which that movie is based).

Lose some weight (without! even! trying! by playing Just Dance 2 on the Wii!)and buy more fresh produce at the farmer's market we have here in town (yay for peaches, squash, watermelon, blackberries, new potatoes and garlic!).

Watch Covert Affairs and Drop Dead Diva and Psych.

Sell our house, move into another house.

Pay off two credit cards. Feel the warm approval of Dave Ramsey by doing so.

Snowball the payments I was making on those two credit cards into paying off two more credit cards. Feel even more Dave Ramsey awesomeness.

So is there anything I am missing? Any books I must read or movies I must see or tv I must enjoy? These things I must know. Don't hold out on me!

Happy Summer, and Happy Friday!

Music for a Tuesday

2011-05-24T09:23:00.004-04:00

I am off work today, so before I head off to loads of laundry and lunch with my bestie and perhaps a little s'mores brownie baking, I thought I'd share a couple songs that I have been loving lately.

First up, is Mandisa's Stronger. I'm not one to be taken with a lot of CCM radio music (there are always exceptions) but I kinda dig this song (and a few others from her latest album What If We Were Real), and last week I jotted down the lyric, Believe me this is gonna make you stronger on a post-it at my desk. Who doesn't need to remember that?

Next is a song I heard in the Larry Crowne trailer (which looks like a good movie coming out this summer, starring Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts, because seriously, Charlie Wilson's War was not a great one for their pairing), it's called Hey, Hey, Hey by Michael Franti. He had a song at the end of the Ramona and Beezus movie that I loved, so it should come as no surprise that I love this one too.

Disclaimer, this video is cheesy. The song, however, is good.

And finally, you should know, that I am completely taken with the music of Christa Wells. She is fantastic in a Sara Groves, Brooke Fraser, Ingrid Michaelson sort of way. And this is one of those songs of hers that will not leave my brain matter. It's called Weightless.

So what music is getting you lately?

13,140

2011-05-23T06:05:00.002-04:00

If I get 70 years to this life then I'm almost halfway there. I realized that last night, how turning 34 is closer to someone's midlife than 50 is. Does that sound as depressing as I'm afraid it does?

If these are the days that ought to be savored and this is a life that ought to be celebrated then I am missing out. There have been too many wasted days.

I think I've only recently gotten over the fact that my twenties are gone, buried and over. I can't go back to my college days that were wasted skipping classes and watching Saved By The Bell and eating at Taco Casa with my roomies. I can't change my mid-twenties when I racked up huge credit card debt and never saved a penny and got fatter and fatter while my body was in it's prime. I can't go back to my late 20's when I had a huge ministry position in my church and made some decisions that hurt people and some decisions that made me look foolish and showed off more flesh than spirit. Those days are sadly, and mercifully, gone. I spent the first few years of my thirties lamenting them, though. Living in near constant regret over a "life" wasted. 3650 days gone. 10 years past. But, like I said, I think I've gotten over that now.

If God allows, I've probably got 13,140 more days. And I got to thinking, do I want to spend them wishing I had done something different with those 3650? Do I want to be in a cycle of waste and regret, or do I want to move on. Today, at 34 years young, I'm thinking moving on is a better move. Because, God help me, I don't want to turn 40 and regret another 3650.

Today can be different. It doesn't have to be wasted, and yesterday need not be regretted. All that's past is past. So I meet it, this new day, breathe in the fresh mercies and utter thanks. Here's to living.

If Sunday Never Comes

2011-05-21T11:22:00.003-04:00

My first reaction to reading online {because my part of the world didn't have the billboards} that May 21, 2011 was the day of the rapture, was that I was a little sad God couldn't have waited until after my birthday or until after I got married or had kids or all those other earthly things I still really want to do. And then I remembered that no one knows the day or the hour and I was pretty sure I could go forth with my birthday celebration plans. Marriage and children are still to be determined.

And I know, if I were being serious, that there is nothing better than the time when I finally enter into eternity, whether it's the day before my birthday or before I can get married or have kids or whatever. This is the ultimate of everything I was created for and nothing else will compare. Not sex or marriage or children or wearing a size 6 for the first time in my life. I just get so used to things down here that I forget the end goal. It is heaven. It is eternity with my Savior. It's way bigger than now. Or tomorrow. Or Harold Camping's predictions.

This is, and always has been, God's timetable. I sometimes like to think I'm the center of the universe and that surely God would consult me on such large matters, but I know that way of thinking is pitifully, dismally wrong. I'm a speck, a fraction of a hair of a speck on a larger speck that sits in the tiniest corner of time and space. And even though God records my tears and counts the hairs on my head and is concerned with what concerns me, He has got the big picture down way better than my scope could ever dare to fathom. So today, May 21, 2011, I'm gonna be okay with God's timetable. I'm going to be okay with the end, whenever it comes.

But I'd still like to have some cake to celebrate 34. Just sayin'.

Also, for some really great thoughts on this whole Harold Camping Judgement Day thing, you have got to read this from Justin McRoberts.

Birthday Randomness

2011-05-20T08:51:00.002-04:00

Sunday I'll turn 34. I'm kinda freaking out about it. The whole biological clock ticking {no, make that pounding} and all. So I shall cope with massive amounts of quizzes from quiz things and talk about my plans for my birthday and the lovely birthday dinner I had last night. And you should sing to me, very loudly, to drown out the sound of said biological clock. Anyways. Ahem.

Last night my co-workers celebrated with me at my favorite restaurant in town, Cafe Alley. The food was as fabulous as ever, but really, for me, I was blown away by the people at my table. I love them to a ridiculous degree. Last night I was so thankful for the opportunity to work in a place full people that are friends that feel more like family. Awesome, funny, one of a kind family. And the steak and sweet potato fries I had for dinner weren't too bad either.

Sunday I am singing an awesome song from Jesus Culture (by way of Tim Hughes) called Holding Nothing Back. Is it wrong of me to say that I feel kind of like the Joan Jett of worship music (or at the very least a really cool Kim Walker) when I sing this song? Because I kinda do. All gritty and rockin' and Jesus lovin'. And such a great worship anthem for me on my 34th birthday too. You can watch it and let me know what you think.

After church my parents and I are heading to Ft. Worth for the deliciousness that is Pappasitos and a new pair of sandals from DSW which is the best way to kick off the impending summer. There may also be a carrot cake from Central Market in the mix, but we'll see.

And now onto the quizzy fun.

You Are Blessed

You are a naturally grateful person. You believe it's important to be thankful for whatever you have.

You've gained the most by traveling down your own path in life. You are a naturally spiritual person.

You are your own best teacher. You try to figure out what you need and then give it to yourself.

On a good day, you really shine. Luckily, most of your days are good days.

The Poppy Test

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

You Are an Oddball

You tend to be understated and under appreciated.

You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way.

People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little.

Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know.

Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true

Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid

Your power color: Silver

Your power symbol: Square

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

Your Birthday is Purple

You are the independent type. It's hard for people to peg, label, or stereotype you.

You enjoy people and things from all walks of life. You're incredibly open minded.

You tend to be a bit fickle and even moody. You can end up hating what you love and vice versa.

Your preferences and actions can be a bit mysterious at times. It's hard to predict what you'll do.

What Color Is Your Birthday?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

Your Birthday's Wisdom is Action

If there is one thing you've learned in life, it's get moving.

Procrastination just makes things so much worse. If you dream it, you do it.

You believe in going for it. And as a result, you've had success in many arenas.

You rather regret what you did than regret what you were scared to do.

What's Your Birthday's Wisdom?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

As Of Late: May 2011

2011-05-19T19:32:00.003-04:00

It's time for As of Late, my favorite monthly meme ever. It's hosted by the wonderful Christy at Critty Joy so you should check it out.

And here is what is going on with me, As of Late...

Lately I've been thinking birthday goodness and all that comes with it

Lately I've been beyond obsessed with Pinterest.

Lately I've been thinking there is no better tv right now than Parks and Recreation.

Lately I've also been enjoying The Voice. And I am unashamedly Team Adam.

Lately I've been reading reading reading

Lately I've been disciplining myself to live in the present

Lately my word has been confidence

Lately I've found that the scripture I Can Do All Things is a very real, very beautiful truth.

Lately I've been loving my Tuesday nights with Ina

So this begs the question, what's new with you, as of late?

A Little Weekend This and A Little Weekend That

2011-05-16T01:15:00.000-04:00

My sleep cycle is all out of whack. It's been this way about a week or two, and no matter how tired I get I can't seem to wind down until well after midnight, and that's not usually my style. I'm a big fan of the 8-9 hours of sleep a night kind of schedule. Five to six hours is not nearly so much fun. So I blog.

This weekend was perfection, as far as weekends go. The weather was spectacular. Blue skies, mild temperatures, no rain (though I love a good rainfall), and light breezes. Heaven weather, I call it. Because I'm certain heaven feels this way (if you were God wouldn't you set the atmospheric thermostat to 67?).

It's a week before my birthday (34 next Sunday, AHHHH!), and so my mom bought me a pair of flip flops I've been wanting (a summer staple for me), and we picked up some furniture from an antique store downtown that we've had in layaway. I am beyond thrilled about my new vanity. It is a soft aqua blue shade and has prompted me to start looking for new bedding. It's going to stay in storage until we move into another house, which means I have plenty of time to find said bedding. So no need to panic. Yet.

I had lunch after church with my bff's oldest daughter, Addie. Lunch with a five year old is always a delight. Even at Burger King. We talked of the songs she sings to her new baby sister, and whether she had enough Barbie dolls (for the curious, the count is at 8), she asked me what the word ridiculous meant (because her dad might have mentioned it was ridiculous to have so many Barbies) and made a game of guessing the ages of the kids who walked by us. We drank Dr. Pepper and debated whether McDonald's or Burger King has better chicken nuggets (Addie says the latter, I say Mickey D's). All in all, much fun.

Afterwards, when I took her home, I got to spend a little time chatting with the bff and new mom, and hold her precious baby daughter, Jovi. That baby has more hair at 4 days old than I had at 2 years old. And so soft. It's funny how less terrified I am of a newborn this time around. Five years ago when she handed Addie to me to hold I was freaked out and hoped I seemed calm though I totally wasn't. This time I wasn't worried about holding her head up or if she cried or if I would suddenly lose all strength and function of my arms and drop her. Please don't tell her I felt all those things five years ago. Might ruin my honorary aunt status.

Also we have a new yogurt place in town called Pink Swirls. After going to the movies this afternoon, my mom, a co-worker and I decided to try it out. I had cheesecake and birthday cake yogurt mixed with marshmallow creme, marshmallows, graham cracker crumbs and heath bars with three cherries on top, because I am nothing if not a fan of moderation. So good! On the wall of the place there is listed all these health benefits of eating live culture yogurt. Which totally made me feel better about the heath bar bits and marshmallow creme I slathered all over it. Surely the benefits outweigh the risks, right?

Lastly, I loaded a couple new books on my Kindle in preparation for summer and all it's reading glory, and including some favorites from childhood: Little Women and Anne of Green Gables. I also want to read The Help before the movie comes out in August. I've been meaning to read it for over a year now, but now it's like I have a deadline or something. Which means I probably won't tackle it until late July.

Now it's on to a new week, looking forward to my birthday and getting all angsty and reflective with getting a year older. Should be fun for these late, sleepless nights. Happy Monday, friends!

You Only Get One Mom

2011-05-09T09:28:00.004-04:00

"You only get one Mom."

I wasn't expecting such cut and dry, cut to my marrow, cut through the funny, kind of stuff on Modern Family last week. But there it was, that one line, uttered by the usually gruff and tough Jay Pritchett, patriarch of the Pritchett family. Memories of his mom had overwhelmed him, taken his family and all us viewers by surprise, and left me speechless. Like Jay and the rest of his family, I might have cried.

"You only get one Mom."

My mom is 58. She looks a young 58, but that's still her age. And it's a young age, though she still qualifies for AARP and most senior citizen discounts. She has to dye her hair to keep the gray away and she takes way more medicine than I ever hope to see in my life. Still, it's young. And yet, her own mother never saw 58. One month before she could, she died. I knew then, at 16, that my grandmother wasn't that old. She seemed a little old, from my perspective, because she was my grandmother and all, but as years have gone by I've realized how unbelievably young that was to leave this life. All the things in our family that have transpired since then, that she missed, remind me of this: she left too soon. She never saw any of her grandchildren graduate high school, get married or have children. She never even saw one of them born. She didn't see her youngest son get married. Every one of us misses her desperately, and all the moreso this past Mother's Day weekend. Even at my mom's age, she feels orphaned and alone without her mom around.

I am unbelievably lucky to have my mom, my young 58 year old mom, still with me. I get to see her daily, and work with her and watch tv with her and go to the movies with her. I get to tell her the weird dreams I have and she tells me hers, and she reads random stuff out of the paper to me and I talk hot guys and who that person is that was in that movie preview we must go see. She's my go-to gal for Clinique bonus time and baby shower hosting and house hunting. With all regards to my bff Rachel, my mom is the best friend I will ever, ever have. I cannot imagine spending yesterday with anyone else but her. It pleased me to sit by her side in church, to buy her lunch at her favorite restaurant, to sit next to her while she scanned the paper for houses for sale, to take her to the movies, to have dinner with her, to talk about mundane things and important things. I don't ever, ever want to take for granted her presence, her life, her nearness to me at this and any point in my life.

After all, you only get one mom.

No Title Necessary

2011-05-06T09:30:00.005-04:00

Happy Friday, all!

How about a roundup of all the things that could have been their own post this past week and a half but weren't? I knew you'd love that.

Burlap to Cashmere has a new song to download. And a release date of their new album, July 19th!! This makes me very, very happy, as the last few weeks have been short on new music to obsess over.

Josh Holloway on Community made me happy. And very sad. I don't like to think of a May without LOST in it. Or any other month for that matter, but maybe especially May.

Parks and Recreation has moved to the top of my can't miss shows list. In fact, it supersedes anything else on NBC's Thursday night lineup of comedy. I have faced the fact that The Office will most likely never be the same now that Steve Carell is gone, and I feel like 30 Rock is just not quite as sharp as it used to be. I still love Community and all, and they did bring me Josh Holloway last night, but still. Parks and Rec is the best. I adore Leslie Knope. I love the little love story brewing between she and Ben. Last week's episode where Ben moved in with Amber and Andy was so funny I watched it two times in a row on Hulu. And if I thought I could get away with it I'd stay home from work and watch it again today.

I really want the new movie Bridesmaids to be good. I love Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph and the girl who is in Mike and Molly. But I get the strangest feeling it's like the girl version of The Hangover. Which still might be good. But could also be very, very wrong.

I spent the night with my co-worker Ina last Tuesday. It's been hard for her since her husband passed away and she doesn't like to be alone at night. So since we share a love of The Biggest Loser I came out and watched it with her and she fed me delicious carrot cake and I introduced her to The Voice (since I had seen one whole episode prior I'm kind of an expert)and since she loves Blake Shelton and anything reality/competition based, it was a win win. Or a win win win (if you count the carrot cake, and I do). I loved staying with Ina. Both of my grandmothers died when I was 16 years old and I sort of forgot what it was like to have a grandmother. I think I shall have Ina adopt me. Ina+The Biggest Loser+The Voice+Carrot Cake= Best Night Of My Week.

Also, my bff's baby is scheduled to be delivered via c-section next week. So very excited. Her firstborn Addison has been my favorite baby ever, so I have super high expectations for daughter #2, Jovi. I feel we shall be best friends.

Have a great weekend friends and if you've got a mother, love on her lots and lots.

After The Storm

2011-04-26T09:20:00.003-04:00

Last night I stood in my co-worker's backyard, staring speechless at five gorgeous does behind her fence line, staring back at us, wondering if we meant harm or good. Ina has often told us about her beautiful home, the deer that come up into her backyard in the evening to feed on the corn she leaves out for them. She's brought purple and white irises and fuchsia peonies from her garden into work for us to enjoy and talked about the peacefulness of it all. But I didn't really get it until last night. I breathed it in, and felt the cool breeze that had been ushered in by a swift and furious storm earlier in the day. I could have stayed there forever. It was the epitome of peace.

We came to visit Ina last night- my mom, my boss and two other friends- because her husband of fifty five years had passed away that morning suddenly. We'd held each other and cried with her and talked of food and funeral plans and hugged and loved on her precious dalmatian Lady. It was a hard, sad reason to visit. And I didn't really want to come. But standing there next to my friend, taking in such beauty, I find myself not wanting to leave. I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do to take away her pain, but I could be there, and I could revel in earthly beauty that stood in stark contrast to earthly pain. And earthly beauty that seemed to sing of a future hope and a future glory that

This morning I had the lyrics to this Mumford and Sons song stuck in my head, particularly the line "And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears..."

I would appreciate your prayers for Ina and her children and granddaughter.

This Good Friday

2011-04-22T09:40:00.003-04:00

For all those who hope...

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame....Hebrews 12:2a

As of Late: April 2011

2011-04-21T01:01:00.000-04:00

I've been looking forward to this, my favorite meme, ever since I decided to jump back into blogging. It does my soul good.

Lately, I'm all about Mumford and Sons (I've enjoyed a couple of their songs for awhile, but last week I went and downloaded their album The Cave and wow. just. wow.)

Lately, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the process of selling our house.

Lately, I've been desperate for an answer to a big prayer.

Lately, I've been asking God to make my callous heart soft and pliable.

Lately, I've been thinking I could actually become the person I've dreamed of being

Lately, I've been surprised by the peace that passes understanding.

Lately, I've been reminded of the power of praying together.

Lately, I've been wondering if The Office should go on without Steve Carrell.

Lately, I've fought the nature inside me that thinks it's all about me.

Lately, I'm re-reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I don't think my heart was truly ready for it the first time around.

Lately, I've felt the challenge to "Do it Afraid".

So that's what's new with me, As of Late. Which begs the question, what's new with you? Link up and find more info on this meme at Critty Joy's blog.

Beauty of the Cross by Jeff Johnson

2011-04-20T08:59:00.004-04:00

I heard this song at the Rock and Worship Road Show a couple weeks ago. I had only heard one song from Jeff Johnson prior to this concert (Glorious Day), but every song he sang was awesome. If you get a chance, you should check out his music on iTunes. This song, Beauty of the Cross, has been on my heart all week. This video cuts off the end of the song, but you'll get the gist of it.

The beauty of the cross is that your grace has found me just as I am....

Just A Little Light Weight Training...

2011-04-18T22:34:00.002-04:00

"It's good to do uncomfortable things. It's weight training for life." Anne Lamott

So tonight I did one of those uncomfortable things. As the new leader of our women's ministry at our church, I spoke at our first meeting. I tell myself I'm not really nervous, but that just isn't true. My stomach didn't just have butterflies, ya'll, it had great bald eagles doing somersaults over and over.

I think it's funny the stuff God gives us to do. The thirteen year old me would have moved into a cave away from all social life had she known what God would have been up to in my adulthood. I remember the first time I had to speak in front of people was at a school assembly. I was on the yearbook staff and for some reason (that I don't recall now)we were the ones handing out the academic awards in front of the whole school. I was beyond petrified.

Knowing I couldn't get out of it, I did what seemed most logical at the time, speed through it. As soon as my co-presenter would announce a winner, I started right in with mine. I thought I was doing alright, machine gunning these awards one right after the other, getting through it, not projectile vomiting or anything, until I felt a tug on the back of my skirt. A tug on the back of my skirt that I was sure everyone saw. I turned around to find someone telling me to slow down and let the recipients get their awards before announcing a new award. Mortified. Does. Not. Even. Describe. It. I wondered if it were possible to melt instantly into a puddle beneath the stage. Or if the podium was large enough to hide under for the duration. People might have laughed. The exact minutes remaining that day have been buried deep in my subconscious, and I'd like them to stay there, thankyouverymuch. I decided then and there public speaking was not for me.

But God had me do it tonight. And somersaulting eagles aside, it went well. God was in it, that is for sure. There is not telling what uncomfortable thing he'll have me do next, but whatever it is, I don't want to go the way of the thirteen year old me. Thirty three year old me is learning to be okay with uncomfortable.

As of Late: March

2011-03-17T00:34:00.002-04:00

We now interrupt this bloggy break to participate in my favorite meme As of Late (which, it just so happens, is the last thing I wrote about on the ol' blog, which should only reinforce my said love for this meme). So here's what's been up with me as of late...

Lately I've been heavy hearted over some friends who are dealing with marital troubles

Lately I've been pondering the brevity of life after a friend of a friend died in routine surgery

Lately I've been thinking I've gone around this mountain long enough.

Lately I've realized that I'm not good at waiting. At all.

Lately I've been praying for breakthrough- in the youth, in my church, but mostly in my heart

Lately I've discovered that breakthrough comes after I let go of the reins. Still I want to grip them tightly.

Lately I've struggled finding the time or the want-to to write. But perhaps I'm starting to want to want to.

So that's what's up with me this fine March month. If you want to join in link up at Critty Joy's blog.

As of Late: February 2011

2011-02-18T07:39:00.001-05:00

I'm late for As of Late. How Ironic (in a very not ironic Alanis Morrissette kind of way.)

If you're new to this meme, it's basically a let's catch up, here's what's been going down with me kind of meme, if you're into that sort of thing. Which I am. My bloggy twin Christy is our host, and you can join in the fun (if you want to be late like me) here. Better late than never, right? So here's what's been going on with me, As of Late...

Lately I've been thinking things are looking up.

Lately I've been working on a personal budget. And you should know it makes me want to cry big, sad shopping spree squelching tears.

Lately I've been thinking about the scariness of being really, truly honest with myself and God.

Lately I've been anticipating the arrival of spring.

Lately I've been excited about vision in my church.

Lately I've been brainstorming women's ministry ideas for the year.

Lately I've been thinking about what makes a stellar baby shower (because I only have a jillion of them in the next few months)

Lately I've been inundated with spectacular music: Hillsong United, The Civil Wars, Amos Lee and Kristian Stanfill. 2011 is killin' it in the music department. If only Needtobreathe released another album this year (they have been in the studio this winter, so fingers crossed) my ears would die in a fit of delirious joy.

Lately I've been struggling with my scripture memory.

Lately I've been meditating on this: "But as for me, it is good to be near God"...

Lately I've been thinking fiber, fiber, fiber (does that confession make me sound old? Blame my new health conscious doc), and water, water, water.

So that is pretty much what's up with me As of Late. Don't forget to check out Critty Joy's blog and join in the fun!

And oh yeah, the weekend is upon us. Hallelujah!

Like An Avalanche

2011-02-15T23:27:00.002-05:00

I am in the middle of adoring Hillsong United's new release Aftermath at a level that is beyond ridiculous. So very good. But this song. This. Song. It has wrecked me today.

Caught up in grace like an avalanche...

shivers
shivers
shivers

For serious.

Burlap to Cashmere: Love Reclaims the Atmosphere

2011-02-09T10:37:00.001-05:00

Because it's snowing here today, and because I love musical awesomeness and because I love Burlap to Cashmere and because I love you: behold, a new video from Burlap to Cashmere featuring musical awesomeness and snow.

Snowfall, Sinus Infections, and Sun-Kissed Hair: AKA Winter Has Overstayed It's Welcome

2011-02-01T19:47:00.005-05:00

I love snow. Really, really I do. I most prefer it when winter is just beginning. Christmas time, for instance. But by the time you get to February, I'm kinda done. So while I sorta love that it snowed big time last night, I'm also wishing that this is winter's last hurrah and the cold weather is out of it's system. Punxsutawney Phil, help a girl out, will ya?

Also, on my list of winter time gripes is this whole sinus infection thing. This is the second sinus infection I've had in the last six weeks. And in between those weeks I struggled with sinus headaches-- so all in all, not feeling well this winter.

But most importantly, I have come to one undeniable conclusion this winter.

I. miss. my. blonde. highlights.

My boss sent a picture of me from her birthday party last summer and all I could do was sigh. And call my hairdresser. Stat. Having darker hair was fun at first, but when I went back to the hairdresser 8 weeks later and told her to darken it more, I think I stepped over the line. There is just something in my complexion that prefers the sun-kissed blonde my natural hair color doesn't give it.

So next week: more blonde, less sickness and less cold, please!

And Voila! That's How You Get a Week O' Crazy

2011-01-29T16:37:00.004-05:00

This week, it's been wild.

So I was a big girl and called and made an appointment with a doctor. He is a christian, and fairly new to our area so it wasn't difficult to schedule. I meet with him next week. A nice little thing checked off the never ending to do list of life.

And my sinuses are in revolt again. This is something I will most definitely be discussing with the new doc.

This week my dad got results of a stress test and he is going to have an angiogram the week after next. I would so appreciate your prayers for him, as we don't know how the severe the situation may be, because my dad never tells us anything. We know there's a blockage. But that's it.

Also, this week, my dad and mom have decided to sell our house and move into something a little smaller and better within the means of a semi-retired man and a part-time employed woman with their still living at home with them but up to her eyeballs in debt daughter. More than likely the house will be on the market by early March. I love this house. So it's bittersweet. But I know it needs to be done.

With those two crazy announcements, you can add crazy work week to my list of insanity. At work we are getting ready for inventory, which is kind of my baby, so I've been all a flutter with planning for this blessed event next week. I also went to apparel market with my boss and her right hand woman, Erin, this week. I may have purchased a new wallet, purse and watch and scarf. The wallet matches the handbag my mom got me for Christmas, the purse is something I need for summer and the watch is something new I've needed for a while now. So of course I can justify these purchases. And the scarf was because after "necessary" purchases, one should get something fun.

Another big thing that happened is that I was asked to head up women's ministry in our church. My pastor's wife is still going to lead the women's sunday school class, but I am going to be leading the bible study (we are starting with Beth Moore's Esther, and I cannot wait) and planning the events throughout the year. Adding women's ministry to youth ministry and worship team means my plate isn't just full, it runneth over. But I believe God has been prepping me for this season of life. I am beyond thrilled that I'm going to be taking over this ministry and am praying like mad that God bless it beyond measure.

Oh, and I got a Kindle. Today, actually. No more Kindle envy! The first book I downloaded was Ann Voskamp's. I also got the Made to Crave eBook and am perusing the kindle store for other little wonders I must have at my fingertips.

So next week looks to be equally crazy, with inventory count and doctor's appointments and my dad's birthday. I thought this time of year was supposed to be the reprieve from the holidays insane non-stop craziness, but I guess not. So if I see ya, I see ya. Hope you have a great week.

Just A Thing Or Two Or Seven

2011-01-25T08:31:00.004-05:00

I'm having these weird back spasms lately. Back spasms. This makes me feel old. Not as old as when my hairdresser found the gray hair, but old nonetheless.

Made to Crave is messing with me. Big time. In the best of ways, of course, but nonetheless. It's all up in my junk.

This post by my bloggy twin Christy so fittingly describes how I've felt in this season (and the cure for said feelings) that I could not say WORD enough to her. So I thought I'd just give her a shoutout. Also, be sure to check out her beautiful post at (in)courage from the weekend. If you haven't already. Though you probably have.

I am praying about getting a primary care physician. I usually go to Urgent Care or something because I usually only go to the doctor for colds and sinus infections and the flu. But I'm 33, overweight and have a family history of hypertension, diabetes and heart disease. I'm thinking that it's time to see a real doctor and hopefully see that these things are prevented. I would appreciate your prayers about that.

I am also struggling big time with youth ministry. I will admit I got a bit slackish over the holidays, but now it's time to buckle down! I haven't been able to find any ministry materials that I really like and I'm feeling the pull to write my own-- and this task seems daunting. The kind of daunting that makes me think it's God. Still. It scares me.

Lastly, a facebook friend posted this quote on FB the other day and I. Adore. It as much as I also cringe because it, too, get's all up in my junk: "Why should we obey? Because God is incapable of making mistakes with our lives." - Beth Moore

As Of Late: January 2011

2011-01-20T07:54:00.001-05:00

I am so, so, so glad that my dear bloggy twin, Critty Joy, has taken up this much beloved meme (a favorite little cupcake used to host it, and now that she is currently not blogging, it needed a new home).

Here's what's going on with me....

Lately I've been in the purging, organizing, cleaning, get things in order sort of mood (on the inside, outside and every side)

Lately, I've been praying more.

Lately, I've realized even though sin has held me captive sometimes, I'm no longer a slave to it.

Lately I cannot get enough of Kristian Stanfill's new album Mountain's Move.

Lately I think that good change is coming.

Lately I'm remembering what my passions are.

Lately I'm thinking about what it means to live intentionally.

Lately I've realized that I don't live intentionally.

Lately I've decided that I want to.

Lately I've realized that I'm very indecisive.

Lately I've been thinking snow (it's in the forecast for today, fingers crossed)

Lately I've been wanting a Kindle. Like real bad. Like I'm thinking a tiny bit of the income tax refund I will be getting will be going to said Kindle.

Lately I am so happy that Beth Moore brought back the Siesta Scripture Memory Team this year.

Lately I've been cultivating a thankful heart

Lately I've been thinking that this year I must. have. a. beach. vacation.

Why don't you join us today with your very own As of Late? Link up over at Critty Joy's blog today!

I'm Feeling A Bit Random This Fine Wednesday Morn'

2011-01-19T09:13:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling a little random, so let's just go with it shall we?

It feels a little weird to be in a January and not be anticipating the return of LOST. I might get a sniffly thinking about it. As of Christmas I now own all six seasons on dvd, so perhaps I should just start re-watching next week and then it won't feel so sad. Oh how I miss Sawyer and Hurley and Jack and Juliet and Locke and Ben. Like they were real people, I miss them.

In other tv news, I am mucho happy that a lot of my tv shows returned this week. Chuck, House, The Office, 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation (which, by the way, is way hilarious, go Amy Poehler!). In fact, I am embarrassingly giddy over Thursday night's lineup on NBC, except for maybe the couples show, but in a three hour block of comedy they can't all be winners, right?

Also, this season of The Biggest Loser is one of my favorites thus far. New trainers (and one of them is named Cara, but with a C, so I won't hold that against her), teams you want to root for (the purple team cracks me up and remind me of one of some of my college friends, Irene the lone orange team member is lovely, and Courtney from team aqua is a determined little go-getter!), and as always, it inspires me to get off my booty and do some exercise. All in all, that is some reality tv I can get excited about.

I have also been enjoying the Made to Crave webcasts. Monday night I couldn't even get on the website, so after watching The Biggest Loser last night I got on to watch the 10/9c re-broadcast. Such good stuff this week. In fact, I think it deserves it's own post, and so I will give it it's due tomorrow. Tune in for that.

I also finished up the Eat-Pray-Love study download from Beth Moore last night (can you already see how much I packed into a Tuesday evening: 2 hours of Biggest Loser, Made to Crave and a little Bethie on top for good measure). And this morning I am still repeating the scripture she closed with from Jeremiah 33 "Give thanks to the Lord Almighty, for the Lord is good. His love endures forever." This scripture, along with one Lysa shared in the M2C webcast, will be my meditation today.

Now, I leave you with this: American Idol? To watch or not to watch? That is the question.

Everybody Can Be Great

2011-01-17T09:22:00.002-05:00

Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

A heart full of grace, a soul generated by love. Aren't these the very things we've been given as believers? That is what is stirring in my head this Monday morning.

Heavy Hearted

2011-01-14T08:33:00.004-05:00

It's been a heavy hearted week. I usually like to keep my writing light on Fridays (after all the weekend looms and this is cause for rejoicing), but this week doesn't seem to warrant much lightness.

I never heard of The Simple Wife, Joanne before this week, but now my mind runs to her often. I am comforted that so many are praying for her and that my voice joins theirs in our pleas to the Father.

I think about the devastating floods in Queensland, Australia. I think about Haiti one year later and so many still living homeless. I think about all the work that is left to do.

I think about the families who lost loved ones in Arizona last weekend. What a horrible, horrible crime. A nine year old little girl, husbands and wives and friends and loved ones, gone. My heart breaks.

And a precious friend of mine that I work with, receiving news that tests reveal that spots in her breast are suspicious and surgery needs to happen right away, my heart breaks for her too. She is doubled over with worry and concern and my prayers amp up all the more for her.

Like I said, it's a heavy hearted week. So much to pray for.

This morning I read this passage from the message and it brings me great comfort from the God of all comfort. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18: So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

So I take hope, in a heavy hearted week that these sorrows are temporary. They feel huge, and relatively speak, are huge, especially to those precious ones walking in them. But they are temporary. The coming good times, the lavish celebration, it will last forever. So today, that is where I choose to set my gaze. It's been a while since I've thought on heaven, on eternity, but really, it's what should be my chief focus.

So to ail the heavy heart, I choose to today to see His unfolding grace. I choose to focus on the lavish celebration awaiting us. Though my prayers continue like mad for those caught in these trials, I find peace in knowing the ultimate outcome of all things is that this world isn't the end. I choose to believe that this is temporary, short, and what is coming is true and lasts and though I can't see it like I can see all these hard, tragic things, my heart will hope in things eternal.

Things You May Already Know But I'm Going To Post Them Anyways

2011-01-11T09:36:00.004-05:00

Occasionally, I feel like throwing out a little Kara with a K PSA, you know? Today is one such day.

First of all: The King's Speech. A-maz-ing movie. If you are skeptical of the R rating, don't let that detract you from seeing it, the language that garnered the rating occur in practically only two scenes and I can live with that having seen The Town in the last few months. The acting is superb and the story is inspirational. Need I say more? How about, "Just Go See It". Your welcome.

Also on the Living Proof Ministries website they are offering a free download of a teaching on Jeremiah by Beth Moore called "Eat Pray Love". Any time you can get free Beth, you should go for it. Always. I have only listened to Session 1 and I am already wrecked. To say it's been timely is the biggest understatement of my year thus far. Wow. Here is the link for the Beth Moore goodness. Having no idea how long this will be free (perhaps it has been for the last few months and I was just clueless until a week or so ago), I say go there now. I'll wait.

Lastly, Kristian Stanfill's new album Mountains Move. That's the stuff right there. Download or purchase wherever it makes your heart content to do so, but just get it. For reals.

So that is all. I have done my service for a Tuesday. Watch, Listen, Listen some more. It's going to be a great day.

Lessons in Grace: Learning to Let Go

2011-01-10T01:05:00.001-05:00

I'm finding out, with all this pondering and practicing grace, that sometimes you just have to let it go. Novel concept, right?

Unfortunately for me, I hold onto my right to be right, know-it-all answers, and inventory of mine and others' mistakes like a compulsive hoarder holds onto a lifetime of junk. Grace has been like a professional organizer (a nice, polite, but firm one, mind you) coming in and sifting through the junk, telling me some of it's really gotta go. I am finding I clam up like the people on Hoarders. This is not easy.

Like sometimes it makes me feel almost physically ill to not assert my opinion for the sake of keeping peace. Sometimes my blood pressure raises exponentially just knowing that someone else (and sometimes someone else is me, ahem) has made a Really! Big! Mistake! and I feel that nagging compulsion to tell them so.

What's been most difficult is how hard it is to show grace to myself. I've screwed up a lot in this practicing grace and it's only been a few days. It's easier to revert back to my old self-- the opinionated know-it-all who is ever so skilled at beating herself up while maintaining a picture perfect air of superiority--more times than not.

But part of learning grace, I think, is letting go of the need to be perfect in anything (even in grace), and letting go of the mistakes after they are made. It's letting go of the need to beat myself up after the mistakes have been made. I think that once I can do that with myself, it won't be as difficult to extend the grace to others as well.

A Post of Lazy Proportions

2011-01-07T09:10:00.003-05:00

Oh, how lazy I have felt this week. It's a good thing I didn't make any definite resolutions this year because they would all have been broken before Wednesday. I've managed to sleep in every day, overeat, not exercise, watch too much tv, not write anything since Monday and skip a day or two of bible reading. In one week. Yeah, I'm that good.

Perhaps, if I was going to make resolutions this year, it would be to be less lazy. All the above could be attributed to being a lazy bum, not a busy workaholic, not a tireless servant, but a lazy bum. I think I shall blame it on the winter. Even if I still act like this on the occasional July day.

Thankfully, I am getting a little shopping day trip tomorrow. Driving in a car and walking around stores surely cures laziness, right? At any rate, I think I'm going to pick up Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave (in an attempt to not do the whole overeating thing this year), and perhaps some new makeup, and some unmentionables that are on sale (and only go on sale twice a year, ahem). I would also really like to see the King's Speech. I have heard amazing things about this movie and think it would be a good diversion from all the tireless shopping.

Also, on the Kara with a K's news front, we are going to get our first snow of the winter Sunday and Monday. After such a snowy winter last year I have been quite sad over our lack of wintry precipitation in my neck of the woods. So I am thrilled with the forecast. I've already planned a couple of different soups to make, and have great intentions of cuddling up in my favorite new soft blanket whilst watching movies and reading books and drinking hot cocoa, and I promise you that isn't playing into laziness. These are requirements for a snowy day, ask anyone. It's not like I have skis or a snowmobile or something. Perhaps snowman building will be in order, but let's not get carried away.

So I guess, since I slept in this morning I really should start getting ready for work and all. Wouldn't want to be late. Again. (Blame the lazy winter!) Happy Friday, everyone!

One Word: 2011

2011-01-03T05:13:00.002-05:00

I'm joining in with Alece and the wonderful community that is growing around One Word this year, and I'm pretty excited about it. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us all. To learn more about One Word and Alece go here.

So a couple weeks ago I knew what my word for 2011 would be. Last year I had two words, trust and obey. In 2009 my word was hope. These words came to me after some thought and consideration, prayer and wonder about what the next year might have in store for me. This year's word came without much fanfare or seeking. It came to me softly, but assuredly, and right in the middle of the hubbub of a crazy holiday season. Like a still small voice after the mighty wind.

My word for 2011 is grace.

I spent a better part of a month or two last fall focusing on the word, but I don't know if it has really penetrated my easily critical, all too often judgmental soul. I sing about it, read and memorize verses about it, I know a lot about it, but I don't know if I really, truly get grace. But I think this is my time to try to. To learn how to be a grateful recipient of the measureless grace of my God. To be a willing conduit of that same grace wherever He sees fit. To allow grace to permeate the relationships I have, the thoughts I think, the words I speak, my actions and life. I need grace beyond anything else I can think of at this time of my life. To let go of regrets. To lay hold of hope. To let God be God and stop trying to do His job for Him.

I'll be honest, in years past, like those well-intentioned resolutions, my yearly words get forgotten. Trust and obey? I'm not sure I made it past the first week of January with those words. Hope? I thought about it now and again in 2009, but still I struggle with it. I pray that grace will lay hold of me as I lay hold of it. I want a different kind of year, for a different kind of life. A life lived "in hope" through grace.

"To Live in Hope"

2011-01-01T11:31:00.000-05:00

"I have found it very important in my own life to try to let go of my wishes and instead to live in hope. I am finding that when I choose to let go of my sometimes petty and superficial wishes and trust that my life is precious and meaningful in the eyes of God, something really new, something beyond my own expectations begins to happen for me." Henri J.M. Nouwen

This new year, more than anything, I want to learn to live in hope. I have these high and lofty notions every new years, these expectations, some that I wear on my sleeve like a New Year's ensemble that looks shiny and new for a few weeks then gets stuffed in the back of the closet until next January, and then there's the ones that I don't confess to a soul, but God knows them. I lay them before him like a list of demands with a timeline that, if He doesn't fulfill on time, I hold against Him. It's true. I've done it that way for years.

After a season of depression these last few months, I waded through a lot of my expectations for the coming year and I wondered how I could sidestep the eventual fallout of failed resolutions and dreams for another year. I know there are things that I can change, that I have the power to change, and perhaps, this year, I will. But I think it's those things I cannot change, those God alone can change sorts of things, that tear me up so often. So what to do?

I remember talking with a friend of mine a couple years ago and how she had decided to live that year without expectation. I thought it a strange thing to do. No expectation? But what of your dreams, your hopes, your resolutions? It felt like defeat to enter into a new year without any expectations from yourself or God or anyone else. It seemed downright unspiritual, unpatriotic, un-human. But now, after dealing with depression and defeat and doubt and another year of struggles and dreams dashed I've decided she might have had the right idea. Or at least she was on the right track.

I want this to be year I don't live with expectations, but beyond my expectations. A year I live in hope, as Nouwen so eloquently described. A year that I go with God's plans for my life, carried along by His dreams for me, not what I want set in stone. It's an opening up of my mindset on what this life should entail. It's a letting go of the stomp my foot and demand my way and my timeline and my wishes and a reaching out for something so much greater that I wouldn't believe it if you told me.

On Monday I'm going to share my word for 2011. It's been stirring in me for awhile (and surprisingly after this post, it's not hope, but believe me that word will still be a huge one for me in 2011), and I'm excited to share it with you.

Beyond expectation and into hope. That is my prayer for 2011, for you and for me. Happy New Year friends.

Haha To the Old Year

2010-12-31T23:13:00.001-05:00

Found this video posted on facebook today and had to share it, as it is truly fitting of my feelings of 2010 and my hope for 2011. Happy New Year everybody.

Hi There!

2010-12-30T22:10:00.001-05:00

So I've been gone awhile. A long little while.

But here's the deal:

I'll be back. Promise. In 2011.

See ya then!!

Random Dozen

2010-10-13T01:01:00.000-04:00

My favorite little mid-week meme, Random Dozen, is hosted by the lovely Lid over at 2nd Cup of Coffee. Join in the fun, answer these questions and link up on her blog!

1. Is there a word which you initially mispronounced? Were the circumstances in which you made the faux pas embarrassing? By the way, that's not "foax pass." (I know you know that. Just jokin' with ya.)
Whore. I didn't know the W was silent. So I was reading about the movie The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and I called it a Wore House. My parents thought it was hilarious. Until I asked what a Wore house was.

2. How do you feel about the use of texting shortcuts and trends? (ex: "I've got ur notes. Get them 2 u 2morow.")
I don't have a problem with most of them in the context of texting only. When it bleeds over into other stuff that's when I have a problem. K?

3. Tell me about your high school senior picture. Please feel free to post.
My shirt was ugly (it was denim with patches of different kinds of plaids) and my makeup was minimal. Those were my two mistakes. But I blame the other one on the photographer. He wouldn't let me smile the way I wanted to (can you say control freak?). I wanted to smile a nice, normal smile, the kind that shows my teeth (I don't care about the gap), because that is natural to me. He told me to smile close mouthed, that it would look better. I was on the yearbook staff so when the senior pictures came in I told him I didn't like it. And the man had the nerve to tell me, "I told you to smile bigger!". Oh. No. He. Didn't.

5. Share a high school or college homecoming memory.
I was something of a loner in high school so my homecoming memories are a little sparse. In college one year my best friend was a homecoming queen nominee and she loved Noah's Ark so we had a bit of a Noah's Ark theme to the posters and they said, "You Don't Have To Vote Two by Two, Just Vote for Deidre" or something like that. Amazingly enough she didn't win.

6. Linda at Mocha with Linda wants to know: "Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?"
I've never been one for early mornings so I'm going to go with sunsets. Plus Oklahoma has had some fantastic ones, all peachy and gold and glorious.

7. Lea at Cici's Corner asks, "What is something you have not done that you desire to do?"
Be a wife and mother.

8. Carol at Wanderings of an Elusive Mind ponders, "If you could come back [in another life] as an animal, which would it be?"
There are some dogs that have it pretty good, so maybe a dog belonging to a loving family that would spoil me. Otherwise I think it would be cool to be a dolphin.

9. Joyce from The Other Side of the Pond is curious: "Where were you 10 years ago?" Please feel free to elaborate more than just your physical location.
I lived at home (like I do now), I worked in the same place I do now, and in the same town as I do now. So not a lot has changed but about 30-40lbs and my hair is longer. I was finishing up my last semester in college and if memory serves, about this time of the year I was serving behind the scenes on the Emmaus Walk.

10. When you are proven to be correct in any contentious discussion, do you gloat?
Even if I don't, I want to. I love being right. A little too much, actually. But some people just don't like a gloater (maybe if they were right more often they would see the merit in being one, but whatev).

11. What is your favorite food which includes the ingredient "caramel?"
Turtle Cheesecake. Yummmmmmmm.

12. From my 17 year-old daughter to you: "If you could be part of any fictional family, which family would you choose and why?" (She's so cute. And clever.)
I would be the 5th March Sister from Little Women, Meg, Jo, Beth, Amy and Kara. They are my most favorite set of sisters ever. And I think it would have been interesting to live in New England during The Civil War era. Scarlet Fever and war would not be fun but great sisters and a wealthy (and more than likely handsome) boy next door would help alleviate those woes.

I Just Thought You Should Know

2010-10-12T00:30:00.000-04:00

That Brooke Fraser's new album Flags is ridiculously good. No really. It is ridiculous how good it is. So go to Amazon.com or iTunes or your local wherever and download it, buy it, but people, seriously, you need it in your life. Your welcome.

This be just a little taste, but you should know that the rest of the album is spectacular. Ridiculously spectacular.

It may be my favorite album of the year. For serious.

What are you waiting for?

Now It's Back to Blogging Like It's 2009

2010-10-09T08:32:00.004-04:00

Hello, my name is Kara (with a K). And I'm a bad blogger. Or a lazy blogger. Or something like that which causes me to go a whole week without writing or even giving a little notice that I have randomly scheduled a bloggy break. Yeah, I'm a bad, lazy blogger.

Last week was one of those doldrums filled and painstakingly boring weeks. I felt none of the thoughts stirring in my brain were blog worthy, none of my life events were either. Like here is what you missed: I made one of my youth kids cry (and not because they were overcome with gratitude or conviction or something like that). I decided to ditch The Event and Hawaii 5-0 but keep Mike and Molly. I am still undecided about Running Wilde and Better With You. I'm resisting getting the sinus infection/cold thingy that has overtaken my parents. And I finished reading Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years on Friday morning. That was by far the highlight of my week (I bet you thought it was making a teenager cry, didn't you?). And yesterday at work was as crazy as any Saturday in December (if you have every worked in retail then you know exactly what I mean by that). This Saturday morning I woke up before my alarm and before 7 am. Thus I am writing now instead of getting ready to head out of town for a little shopping with the parents.

Aren't you glad I saved this all for a single, exciting, wondrous post? I hope your weekends are great. And now to catch up with all of your posts from the week (hope your week was better than mine).

October, I Love You!!!

2010-10-01T01:09:00.002-04:00

Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter. ~Carol Bishop Hipps

Is that quote not divine? And ever so true. Without further adieu:

It's here, it's here, it's here!!

A couple things that are going to rock about this month:

Going to the Texas State Fair with my sister and her man.

Brooke Fraser's new album Flags comes out this month!

The new Josh Duhamel and Katherine Heigl movie looks like it's going to be hilarious.

The weather is getting cooler.

Trees are starting to turn (ever so slightly, but I'm beginning to notice a few trees around town getting their vibrant on!)

Four Words: Chocolate Covered Marshmallow Pumpkins!

A very awesome bloggy twin of mine has a birthday!

I am off work every Saturday but tomorrow!!

So Happy Friday and Happy October!!!!

And Now For Really Important Stuff

2010-09-30T19:20:00.000-04:00

I was born blonde. Actually, I was born bald, technically, and I was bald for like a year and half before blonde little sprouts of hair started popping up on my bald noggin, but for the sake of this post let's just say I am blonde by birth. My hair started getting darker as I got closer to adolescence, sort of a blah blonde brown color and by my senior year I started getting it highlighted. Just a little at first, to remember where I came from and whatnot. Ahem. Anyways. So I've been doing this for fifteen years. The semester I graduated college I decided to have my natural color and went to that mousy brown color my hair had turned into over the years. It wasn't exactly the best look. I'm not for the natural look, really. But this fall I decided I wanted it to be a little darker and that's what I went for. Below is a pic of my hair last month, with heavy blonde highlights.

My hairstylist is my oldest friend in the world. Our mom's were friends and she was born on my due date and I was born on hers. That's going way back in the friend world. So I totally trust her with my tresses. Even after she told me she found a gray hair. A GRAY HAIR. I am 33, people! After I got over myself I told her to autumn it up. And this is what she did. It's a lot more like my natural color, with a little golden highlight coming through. It feels like quite the change.

But seriously, get a load of those high and low lights.

I think I love it.

What do you think? Oh and tomorrow is totally October. Best. Month. Ever. (With the exception of May the glorious month of my birth).

Pouring Out Challenge: September

2010-09-29T23:15:00.000-04:00

It's the end of September and time to share who I chose as my person to encourage for Pouring Out this month. I wrote earlier this month about my encouragement fail if you're interested in that sort of thing it's posted here. Also, if you want to know more about Critty Joy's Pouring Out Challenge you can read about it here.

So I kinda sorta cheated a little this month, and I didn't pick one single person. I prayed and prayed and wasn't sure who to single out and then it sort of just came to me and I chose to pour out encouragement to my co-workers, but two in particular. I work in a small retail store, with all women, all wonderful, sweet believers from different walks of life. It has been a rough summer, with some personnel issues that resulted in one of our co-workers abruptly quitting. It was difficult, since working here everyone is like family. So someone leaving our family was a rough thing to go through. We felt a little defeated, a lot stressed, and I saw clearly that these women needed encouragement.

I would love to tell you I was a beaming light of encouragement and love this month. I wasn't. Like other family units, you always say and do things that end up hurting others. But that was never my aim. I think, overall, I achieved what I set out to do. I spent time getting to know a couple of newer faces at the store, a teenager and a recently out of retirement woman. I particularly focused on these two, to get to know what makes them tick and how to best lift them up. And you know what? God showed me a lot about the both of them, and I feel closer to them than I did a month ago.

The most intentional thing I did throughout this month was to encourage by being a good, responsive listener. Let people speak their minds and their hearts. Everyone, no matter who they are, needs to be able to express themselves and I wanted to make sure these two women, as well as the rest of my co-workers, felt safe and loved enough by me to do so.

Still I have so far to go. I want to continue, at least in some way, to be an encourager in the workplace. We've made it through a difficult time and God has blessed us in what could have been disastrous. He always pours more out on us than we could ever do for him.

Critty has invited us to link up and has more information about October's Pouring Out Challenge here.

Random Dozen: Aliens and Hitchcock and Disney, Oh My!

2010-09-29T01:05:00.000-04:00

It's my day off. I still don't get The Event. I'm kinda loving Mike and Molly. I also think Running Wilde was better this week than it's debut. I didn't even attempt to watch Hawaii 5-0 with the sinus craziness that I was experiencing Monday night. And that's my week in new tv land. On with the dozen.

1. Do you believe, somewhere deep inside, that blondes do indeed have more fun? That they are "dumber" than brunettes or redheads? Be honest!

I do not, really. Having been born blonde (and now thanks to a really good hairstylist, I can still sort of pretend I am), and having been dubbed the original fun hater, I can say I break that stereotype. But I know it's a pretty prevalent stereotype and I'm okay with that. Last year my boss had me call a company with blonde in the title and when they answered the woman asked me if I was a brunette. She said I just sounded like a brunette, more serious and stuff. I thought it was pretty hilarious. So brunette's get stereotyped by blondes, in case you were wondering. Even fake brunettes.

2. Which animal would you most like to observe in its wild habitat?
Giraffes, lions, rhinos, I think I need to go on an African safari.

3. This week the U.N. announced that Dr. Mazlan Othman has been appointed the official "Alien Ambassador," should any extraterrestrials contact us. Have you, or has anyone you know, ever seen a UFO?
My dad swears he saw one when he was 14 years old. He was on a wheat harvest one summer and they would just camp out wherever they finished for the day, so on a clear night in Montana my dad says he saw something in the sky that might have been probably a UFO or something. He has seen Independence Day, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Men in Black and Men in Black II, so he's like an expert.

4. Name your favorite Hitchcock film.

My mom absolutely adores Hitchcock movies, I think she's seen pretty much every one of them, so her greatest shame is that her eldest daughter doesn't have a favorite Hitchcock film because she hasn't seen one in it's entirety. I'm thinking I need to watch a couple with her (starting with her fave, The Birds).

5. Would you rather spend time at the library, the mall, a craft store or home?
It really depends on my mood and my clash flow situation, but by and large I prefer to be at home.

6. Which Disney princess is your favorite? (Or Disney character, if you are a guy) Belle!!!!!! Followed closely by Ariel and then Aurora.

7. What kind of art is your favorite?
This question makes me think of the time on The Office when Roy was trying to win Pam back and he went to her art show and said, "Your art is the prettiest art of all the art." Which leads me to my answer, my favorite art is humor. I love to laugh, I love to make people laugh and when you do those things well I think it is truly an art form.

8. How do you feel about viral videos, that is, videos made by amateurs that end up on Youtube receiving thousands of hits?

I love them, from the happy dancing down the aisle wedding party to Antoine "Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya husband 'cuz they rapin' everybody out here" Dodson. Seriously, I've watched that video way too many times to count. So you can run and tell that, run and tell that run and tell that. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

9. Where do you buy your jeans?

Lane Bryant, Old Navy.

10. Tell me about your first automobile accident.
When I was 17 I was leaving the high school to go have lunch off campus. We had a security guy, who we all called rent-a-cop, and sometimes he was kind of a jerk and wouldn't let you leave. Anyways, I was at the intersection of the high school parking lot and the highway and I was looking back because I thought he was motioning for me or something, and I wasn't paying attention so like a responsible 17 year old I pulled out into traffic (it was a right on red) and hit the back right end of a semi-truck. Really, really stupid. It scared me to death so I did what any other responsible 17 year old teenager would do and I left the scene of the accident and drove home (about a quarter of a mile away). I called my mom who came home and made me go back to the scene, where I got a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. Classic.

11. Have you ever been honest when you knew you would benefit more if you would be dishonest?

Yes, but not as often as I should have been.

12. If you were appointed "Ambassador to Aliens," what would you show and tell first about life on Earth? What would be the most difficult thing to explain?

Our vast collection of alien movies, of course. Just to check for accuracy. My dad would be invited to join, of course. But still, after watching all of those, I think the most difficult thing to explain wouldn't be Men In Black, it would be Jersey Shore. Ser.ious.ly.

I'm off to enjoy my day off in the middle of the week, maybe scan the skies for some UFO's, watch some Hitchcock or Beauty and the Beast or something. But you should definitely check out Lid's place for more random dozen.

Is It Monday? Because I'm Feeling A Bit Skeptical

2010-09-27T10:01:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting at Starbucks in a comfy swivelly chair, on a deliciously crisp autumn morning, partaking of pumpkin loaf and a toffee mocha, with a Fleet Foxes song drifting above like it's carried along by caffeinated aromas of coffee deliciousness. How can I not blog this? If I could only mute the loud phone talker guy this would be autumn perfection. It is 56 degrees outside!! October is making it's debut this week. I get my hair done this week (and as I told my hairdresser when I set the appointment, it's time to autumn it up, which in Kara with a K vernacular means let's add low lights) and it is sorely needed, but nonetheless I am having a great hair day. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is a Monday, right? Because it feels more like a delightful Friday. Did I oversleep? If I did let me know what happened on Chuck and Glee. If I'm still asleep, don't wake me.

Just the same, Happy Monday!

Rewind Week: Weddings and Such

2010-09-25T01:01:00.000-04:00

I wasn't sure exactly how to close out rewind week. I tried to pick posts from those first few months that really showed the heart of me, and so I decided to repost this one, the first time I was very open about being a reluctantly single girl. Also, reading this post (and those around that time) reminded me that there is one thing I don't like about autumn: colds and allergies. Aren't they the worst? I've been battling some allergy/sinus troubles this week. Time to stock up on Vitamin C, Zinc and Zyrtec!

Weddings and Such originally posted November 22, 2008

First things first. I'm alive! I still have a little bit of a scratchy throat and my ears are still stopped up but other than that, all is well. I made it back to work on Thursday, but I missed just about every other obligation I had this week. And I've had my fill of Little House on the Prairie and The Walton's. Oh, who am I kidding, I'll never have my fill of Little House. Love that show.

Today I went to the wedding of a friend from work. She is ten years my junior and that makes me feel so old and so single. I've watched this relationship from it's infancy and I was very excited to see them tie the knot. Everything about the wedding from the music to the dresses and all the bling (my friend Julie is nicknamed Julz for a reason, she loves to sparkle!) was completely Julie. My only regret is not getting a second roll up from the buffet. Oh well.

I love a wedding. And I was truly happy for the couple. But somewhere between the I do and the first dance that little tinge of sadness/jealousy/impatience/loneliness crept up. I wonder when it will be my turn. I don't talk about my singleness much here but it is something I think about. A lot.

I always thought I would get married in my early or mid-twenties. My mom got married at twenty so it just seemed like I would too. Sadly my dreams for this probably came across as desperation in college. My poor boyfriends. They were ready to bolt before they could ask me out for a second date. When I moved back to my hometown I felt sure that God would find a way to bring me a husband. I remember this one lady at church who used to pray for my husband to show up. It was sweet at first. But then she insisted on praying every Sunday. More than a few times she had to chase me down the hall after services. Maybe I shouldn't have run.

Then came grad school. Then came the year that all my closest hometown friends got engaged or married. The three girls I thought would stay single with me for the long haul. One by one I watched them wed. Part of me was so happy. And like today part of me dealt with that sad/jealous/impatient/lonely side.

I'm not one of those people who thinks they won't ever get married. I really believe I will. Maybe that's why it's so hard to see another year pass without it actually happening. You begin to feel like everybody else is passing you by in the business of life.

It's really not as melodramatic as it sounds. I've done better since getting into my thirties. I've kind of settled into this stage of my life. I still won't go so far as to call singleness a gift, but I don't consider it a burden to bear either. Sometimes I'm really glad that I don't have to worry about anyone else. Other times I would give anything to have a husband to cook for and snuggle up to on the couch.

It is a hope deferred, but I dare say it's not a hope that is completely hopeless. So I don't give into the sad/jealous/impatient/lonely feelings for too long.

One day.

Rewind Week: Don't Lose Heart

2010-09-24T01:00:00.000-04:00

Big Happy Friday Everybody! Rewind Week is almost over and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. It's nice to look back every now and again, good for the soul, I say. I still remember how I felt sitting in my Sunday school class when our teacher made us go around the room like I describe in this post. Does anybody else's face get red and splotchy and you feel the heat rise up the back of your neck when you feel all eyes are on you? Awkward! That's how it was for me that day. The spotlight? Not a fan. Anyways.

Don't Lose Heart originally posted November 1, 2008

A couple weeks ago in my Sunday school class the teacher had us go around the classroom and share what we thought each others' strengths or spiritual gifts were. The object was two-fold, to see ourselves through someone elses eyes (because often we are too critical of ourselves to be objective) and to give encouragement to other people. We were instructed to only focus on strengths, not on weaknesses.

I always get a little uncomfortable with these sort of exercises. Contrary to what blogging might appear to be, I don't like the spotlight or attention very much. That's more my sister's arena. I also don't like people to give me "praise" or compliments in a forced way. If anything, if I am recognized for anything praiseworthy, I'd rather it come from a place of sincerity or not be said at all. I try to be that way myself.

When it came to my turn there was a slight pause (surely for dramatic effect) so I dryly stated, "Don't all jump in at once." At which they did, one by one. I listened politely and then the teacher spoke up.

"I think you have a spirit of tenacity."

"You mean I'm stubborn," I said with a chuckle that hinted every so slightly at the embarrassment I felt over being in that pesky old spotlight.

"No," she asserted. "We're talking about strengths here. Tenacity is a better word." I knew what she meant, and thankfully we moved on.

Truth is I am quite stubborn. Sometimes it manifests with quiet resolve, the I shall not be moved kind of resolve. Other times I show off my stubborn streak with a foot-stomping, arms folded, stern faced NO! Not too long ago my sister and I were talking about this. She told me it wasn't necessarily that I said no so often (although I do and it does bother her), it's the way I say it. I guess I just want to get my point across. Firmly.

This week while reading 2 Corinthians 4 I was reminded of my teacher's words of affirmation. In this chapter Paul exhorts the Corinthian church to not lose heart. He encourages them by telling them about his own tenacity for the sake of the gospel, and for their sake as well. He had a confidence and endurance that comes from knowing who you are in Christ and what you've been called to do. For Paul, that was preaching the gospel, planting churches and ministering, first to the Jews, then to the Gentiles. He was convinced to keep on this path, despite persecution, suffering, and hardships of all kinds. That is some serious tenacity.

I had to refer to Webster's dictionary for a definition of tenacious, just to get an idea of this "gift" I have, one that Paul most certainly possessed. It means Holding fast, or inclined to hold fast; inclined to retain what is in possession; as, men tenacious of their just rights. 2. Apt to retain; retentive; as, a tenacious memory. I also like the American Heritage Dictionary definition, which in addition to holding fast means clinging to another object or surface.

We need to have a spirit of tenacity for the times in which we live. People all around us are losing heart. We have a shaky, all but collapsed financial system, and a confusing, disheartening presidential election. I read about churches closing their doors for good, and pastor's leaving the ministry by the droves. We have massive poverty issues around the globe, the AIDS crisis, cancer, a climate crisis, on and on and on I could go. You get the point. The world is in a sorry state and I don't blame anyone for being tempted to give up, let go, lose heart. But we do have another solution...

Don't lose heart. To be tenacious means to cling to something. Cling to the cross. Cling to God almighty, sovereign and good and merciful. What's more, he is holding onto us.

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly.He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall,for the Lord holds them by the hand." Psalm 37:23-24 NLT

I cling to you;your strong right hand holds me securely. Psalm 63:8 NLT

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked. I Timothy 1:19

Remember He never lets go!

Kara with a K Rewind: The Autumn Playlist

2010-09-23T01:48:00.001-04:00

Can I first give a great big hallelujah shout out to the maker of seasons? Because it's finally autumn!!!! It doesn't really feel like it, but I am going to a football game on Friday night and it's supposed to rain this weekend and the temperatures will be around 80 instead of mid-90s, so yeah, I'll take it!! I posted this little portion of my autumn playlist two years ago and since there have been more awesome music come out since then I added a few more to the list. So it's like a rewind/remix. How do you like that?

kara with a k's infinite autumn playlist originally posted september 18, 2008

I love playlists.

Ever since I got my iPod 2 years ago I've been obsessed with them. I can go nuts over any kind of list, but the playlist? It's the perfect blend of two of my favorite things: music and my obsessive compulsive need to make all things prioritized and compartmentalized in an orderly fashion. I get all flushed and happy just thinking about it. iTunes apparently has a window into my psyche because they also have celebrity playlists as well. I love looking at these because I really need to know just what America Ferrera or Derek Webb or the cast of the Office is listening to now. How else am I gonna know that Chris Tomlin is a fan of Alabama or that Tori Spelling's theme song is Pretty in Pink? Information is power.

Just a week or so ago iTunes came out with version 8 and a little something called genius which makes playlists for you based on a song from your playlists. Believe me when I tell you I can spend hours making these up. Some are spot on (Watermark's A Grateful People with Vicky Beeching's Join the Song and David Crowder Band's To the Only God), and some make me scratch me head (Joe Purdy doesn't really go with some of the country songs they were putting with it), but overall it's truly fun and maybe a little scary too.

Now don't get me wrong because my little control freak self is not going to let a computer program figure out all my playlists. I cherish the playlist. So I still make them, compulsively. Expect nothing less. I don't know about you but songs and sometimes whole albums or artists feel like a certain season to me. For instance, Brooke Fraser? Totally makes me think of winter- think hot cocoa and a warm blanket with snow falling outside. Or Switchfoot- they are summer all the way. Caedmon's Call's 40 acres album is pure spring to me and even though Coldplay's Viva La Vida came out in June of this year, I feel the chill of winter when I listen to the songs.

So in honor of the upcoming autumn season (just a few more days until the official start of fall, ya'll), I decided to post a portion (not the whole 88 songs, that would just be crazy) of my "Seasons of autumn" playlist. Before you ask, yes, I do have Seasons of summer, winter and spring playlists too. I'll get to those when those respective seasons come around, and if anyone is still around to read this blog.

Here it is:
1) Kara- Andrew Osenga For one big obvious reason. It's my name! But, the song is pretty awesome too. I love love love Andrew Osenga's writing style. His paints the best word pictures ever. If You listen you can literally feel the late autumn chill. Perfect!

2)I Think It's Gonna Rain Today- Norah Jones Beaches was one of my favorite movies growing up. I loved Bette Midler's version on the soundtrack, but Norah Jones' version is divine. Her voice is like wrapping yourself up in a warm blanket.

3) The Puppy Song- Harry Nilsson Mostly because this song is on You've Got Mail, which starts out in the Autumn in New York, and I love that movie

4) Lightning Crashes- Live This one is from my high school days and even though it's a little dated, the chorus gets me every time. LOVE. IT.

5) Where Do We Go From Here?- Mat Kearney A lot of Mat's music makes me think of autumn, think drizzly cloudy days and a cute scarf around your neck kind of music. But this one is probably one of my favorite autumn feeling songs from him

6) Gratitude- Nichole Nordeman I love me some Nichole Nordeman. Her voice and her lyrics are absolutely beautiful. This one makes me think of Thanksgiving, which as we all know, is in the fall.

7) Show You Love- Jars of Clay Jars of Clay make me think of fall a lot. And I love that. This is from Who We Are Instead which is one of my favorite albums from them. Everybody loves them for Flood but I really dig what they've put out in the last five years.

8) Seasons- Steven Delopoulos He is the former lead singer of one of my favorite short lived bands- Burlap to Cashmere. He is folk acoustic singer songwriter at it's best. Me Died Blue is probably one of my favorite albums of all time.

9) A Beautiful Collision- David Crowder Band Here is another song in which the whole album feels kind of autumnal. I love David Crowder Band and this is my favorite album from them. So. good.

10) Come to Jesus- Mindy Smith This song gives me chills. It is straight out of October, I kid you not. So hauntingly beautiful.

Updated To Add:

11) Through Smoke- Needtobreathe With their southern rock style, most songs from NTB are very summer-y (we've been over this, right? southern rock=summer). But this song has a feel to it that makes me think autumn. Plus Needtobreathe should be on pretty much any music playlist on this blog, because they're awesome.

12) The House You're Building- Audrey Assad There is something about this song that makes me want to walk through Central Park in October. Central Park has nothing to do with the house God's building, but whatev.

13) Neighbor- Band of Horses I think Band of Horses' latest album Infinite Arms sounds very Autumn-y, but this song particularly because of the opening lyric: "The wind blew a path through the fallen leaves, and there showed a crack in the old oak tree, the door stood as if it was standing guard, of the dozen chipmunks in the backyard". Fallen leaves, old oak trees and chipmunks=November. For reals.

14) The Moon is A Magnet- Jon Foreman Actually, every song on Jon Foreman's Fall EP sounds like, well, fall. Why name it Fall if they don't sound like the season? This song is my absolute favorite from the EP and from the saxophone (which works really well in this simple, bare bones song) to the sweet, vulnerable sound in Jon's voice. I love Switchfoot all day long and twice on Sunday's but I am beyond delighted that Jon has solo stuff like this.

So what songs make you think of autumn?

Random Dozen, And Some TV Premiere Snap Judgments!

2010-09-22T01:04:00.001-04:00

Although it's rewind week, I still had to bring a little random to the mix ala the random dozen. Also my so far reactions to new shows this week: The Event, confusing, couldn't be LOST if it tried, but the last fifteen or so minutes were intriguing enough that I will watch two more times to see if I will commit. They are trying too hard to be 24 meets LOST (which I know they are trying to do because the promos during Chuck every five minutes kept reminding me). Note to NBC: That kind of TV awesomeness is impossible to duplicate. Sorry. Hawaii Five-O, totally made me miss LOST, seeing Daniel Dae Kim and the Oahu scenery. Sniff. It's sorta cheesy and cliche, but I think that may be the point. It's a if I see it, I see it, if I don't, I don't sort of show. It could also turn into a watch it on mute like I do The Mentalist (for Simon Baker) or DC Cupcakes (for the cupcakes and to mute out the annoying sisters). Mike and Molly is promising, it had it's sweet moments and it's funny moments but did it win me over instantly? Nah. I'll give a few more views before I turn it into a pass or can't miss show. Running Wilde was slightly underwhelming, but I'm not giving up yet, I love Will Arnett and Keri Russell too much. And that's that.

And on with the dozen.

1. Have you, or has someone close to you, ever won an award for anything?

I know I'm going to read everybody's posts about really stellar awards that are going to pale in comparison to mine, but that's too bad. Be jealous because my sister received the Latin II award her junior year of high school. Oh yeah. It's kind of a big deal. If you were in Latin II.

2. Who is the nearest relative to you who has served in the US Military?

My dad was in the Navy (he was a submariner) during Vietnam and my father's father was in the army during World War II.

3. Share something that stirs the patriotic spirit in you.

Hearing the National Anthem, seeing a soldier in uniform, also 4th of July weekend I watched part of the history of US on the History Channel and that stirred a lot of patriotism in me, as well.

4. Where are you in the birth order in your family? Do you think your "placement" made a difference in your personality?

I am the oldest child and it has definitely made a difference in my personality. I am obsessed with all things personality and so I've read a couple books on birth order. I am a textbook firstborn: a stickler for rules, perfectionist, strong sense of right and wrong,

5. Name one trait you hope you carry that was evidenced in your parents or grandparents.

A strong work ethic. Both of my parents and both sets of grandparents all have this trait. My father worked steadily, excellently at the same place for 37 1/2 years, and my mom has worked in a similar fashion in the same place for 18 years now. They are loyal employees, hard workers, and take pride in a job well done. I try my best to follow their ethic.

6. If female, do you prefer wearing a skirt or pants? If male, shirt and tie or polo?

I really used to prefer skirts, especially in college and still at church. I wear a lot of jeans now, jeans and a comfy top, that's my staple wardrobe. If I could get away with wearing pj's to work and no one would frown upon it, I think I'd be tempted to do so.

7. Approximately how many times do you wake during the night? What do you do to go back to sleep?
If I've taken melatonin I may wake up once but usually I sleep through the night, lately though, if I don't take anything I will toss and turn throughout the night.

8. Share a favorite movie quote.

"This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy." Will Ferrell, Stranger Than Fiction. I love his delivery of that line, this straight-laced IRS auditor, after trying to determine if the narrarator in his head is writing his life as a comedy or a tragedy. Sometimes I feel the same way (but usually not).

9. What is your favorite Fall candle scent?

Mulled Cider!

10. What is one Fall activity you're looking forward to?

Arts and Crafts fair in November. LOVE.

11. Tell us about a pleasant surprise that happened to you recently.

So here's the deal. I don't find most surprises pleasant. Therefore no pleasant surprises have happened recently. My bff is pregnant! Was it a surprise to this bff? Nah.

12. What was it like when you first met your in-laws-to-be

Can I get back to you on that one?

More random dozen is to be found over at Lid's. And tomorrow, come back for my rewind to my Fall playlist with a couple of new additions. Exciting, no?

Kara with a K Rewind: Who We Are and Who We Aren't

2010-09-20T16:40:00.001-04:00

I can still take a lesson from this post, and when I came across it the other day I thought it perfect for the rewind week. Originally posted October 28, 2008

Who We Are and Who We Aren't
I was working on my bible study last night and this little statement jumped off the pages of the Kay Arthur book, "You'll know peace as long as you remember you are the servant not the Savior". Is that not a giant relief?

Last Sunday one of my singers on the worship team came up to me very distraught wanting us to pray. It was seconds before we were supposed to start the service. With wringing hands and a look that conveyed a heavy burden she proceeded to tell us that her brother was in the congregation that morning. Her unsaved brother. We've actually been praying for this man for the better part of ten years, ever since his wife, sister and mother-in-law began attending our church. He's a good man by most people's estimation. He loves and provides for his wife and two daughters. He's a hard-worker, a quiet man who shies away from any kind of attention, so much so that he really hesitates coming to church or to fellowships we have. The usual exception is when one of his daughters is in a special or when we have a fall festival. He was only there this particular day because his wife was on a retreat and his daughters wanted to come to church. My friend's heart was breaking because she wanted so much for this to be the day that her brother decided to get saved. We prayed with as much fervor as we could and started the service.

If ever there was a song lineup perfect for walking the aisle it was this week. Every song was about grace, about love, about salvation. Songs like Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) and Mighty To Save. We couldn't have planned it better in advance. But nothing happened. At least nothing that we could see with natural eyes. No one walked the aisle, least of all, John. One time I looked out and he was yawning. I know my friend felt defeated, and I guess I did too.

Then last night I read that statement, "you are the servant, not the Savior". John has been presented with the gospel, more than once. He's sat through invitation after invitation. I pray one day he will respond, but he hasn't yet. But I find comfort in knowing it's not my job to save Him. It's not my friend's job, not his wife or his children's job. We are the servants, not the Savior.

Does that mean I pray any less? Hardly. That's part of the servant's role. Do I get to neglect the call to go into the all the world? Again, that's a servant's calling. But the responsibility of turning a heart toward God, the power to cleanse from sin and bring righteousness, that is solely on Jesus. And you know what? He's really really good at his role.

I pray I can be better at mine

Kara with a K Rewind Week

2010-09-19T22:54:00.003-04:00

This weekend I went shopping with my mom, best friend Rachel, and Rachel's mom and daughter. It was a totally fun day and while we were sitting at Panera Bread I casually told them that mom and I were at that same Panera 2 years ago that weekend shopping and I told them everything I ordered and sounded something like a savant with a elephant like memory until I told them I remembered because I blogged it two years ago. And it's not necessarily that everything I blog is indelibly engraved in my brain, but it was my first week of blogging and so that's why I remembered. That and I linked to that post last week when I wrote up my sister's birthday post. Maybe that's cheating, I don't know. But it did make me look back at those first few months as a blogger and since most of you weren't readers back then I thought this week, in honor of two years blogging, I would re-post some of my favorite first year posts (including an my autumn playlist- with a couple of updates, in honor of autumn's arrival this week!).

Originally posted September 26, 2008

What's In a Name?

I'm kind of a name snob, and I make no apologies about it. I can turn my nose up at lots of names for lots of reasons like kre8tive spellings, trendiness, and downright absurdity (hello, Pilot Inspektor?). I can also discriminate against names based on persons I know with that particular name. Surely I'm not the only person who does this. Some names are absolutely ruined because of mean (or weird, or wild, or preppy, or whatever) kids in elementary school. And do you really want to be named Katrina or Ike after such devastating hurricanes?

I think one of the reasons I'm so picky about names goes back to when I was a kid. Until I was 9 years old I had never met another Kara. And I liked that. It made me feel unique. Then we changed elementary schools and not only was there another Kara (with a K) one grade above me, but we also shared the same last name. Since I had transferred from a Christian school where we learned at our own pace I was actually placed in a couple of Kara's classes. Guess what brilliant idea my teacher came up with to distinguish her two Kara with a K's? Call us by our middle names? No. Use our middle initials? Of course not. She thought it would be best that I was called Kara Number 2. I think it goes without saying that having your name attached to poo when your the new girl in school is not a good thing.

Kara number 1 and I were in school together for the next 8 years. We never ran in the same circles or had any classes together, but nonetheless mix ups still happened. I got lots of phone calls looking for the other Kara, and I would be in conversations with random guy from last weekends party for several minutes before I finally fessed up that they weren't talking to the right Kara. It was hard to field those calls because said caller would always ask "Is this Kara _______?" and of course, being that I am that person I always said yes. What else could I do?

Not too long ago a co-worker of mine (who apparently has way too much time on her hands) was telling me that she did a search online for my name in public records. She wanted to inform me that I had been married three times. Hmm. Where are the toasters, blenders and crystal candy dishes, because I don't remember getting any gifts? Maybe they sent them to Kara number 1.

Our names are such a big part of our identity, and we really don't like it when someone else horns in on it. We like to feel unique, even if we are one in a throng of millions. Because I am just that obsessed I looked up the popularity for the name Kara in 1977. We were ranked 120, with a guesstimated 2416 of us. Compared to my sister, who in 1978 had the number 1 name for a girl, with 56, 289 girls sharing her name, my 2400 or so is small potatoes. Try telling that to the fourth grader with number 2 added to her name.

This is why I loved finding out about this verse in Revelation. " He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it." I can almost guarantee there won't be any references to poo in my new name in heaven. Take that, Kara number 1.

The Post In Which I Do My Best To Downplay The Actual Amount Of TV I Watch

2010-09-16T23:10:00.005-04:00

Next week is Fall TV Premiere week. It has been a long, hot summer without Jim and Pam, Liz Lemon, Chuck Bartowski, Bob and Jillian and Rachel Berry. I hope that doesn't make me sound as pathetic as I truly am, but right now I don't care. They are coming back!!

After LOST ended (still not over it, by the way), I really felt like somehow my television viewing schedule would be wide open (because, seriously, LOST has left a gaping hole in my life), but after looking over next week's premieres I have found I was sadly mistaken. In the interest of total transparency, I thought I would show you my MUST WATCH list. Intercede for me, if you must.

Mondays:

7 pm: Chuck, How I Met Your Mother, and House (all I can say about this time slot is thank you God for the DVR). I plan to watch Chuck and DVR the other two. Zachary Levi trumps Neil Patrick Harris and Hugh Laurie. Sorry about that, guys.

8pm: The Event. This is a new show that I think NBC wants to use to make me forget that LOST is no longer on the air. I doubt this tactic will work, but I have decided to give it two episodes to see whether or not it is worth investing in for a whole season (I do not want to be duped by a network like I was last year with Flashforward).

9pm: Hawaii 5-0. Laugh if you must, or shake your head in disappointment, I don't care. Have you seen Alex O'Loughlin? No seriously, have you taken a look at him lately? Because dang it, he's hot. And Jin, I mean, Daniel Dae Kim, is in it. And it's set in Oahu. I know beyond these two things it will be nothing like LOST, but I have to admit just seeing the Hawaiian scenery will make me feel better about LOST being gone. A little.

(Did you notice I'm still on Monday. Are you questioning my love of TV yet?)

Tuesday:

7 pm: Glee, The Biggest Loser. I will most likely watch Jillian torture people on The Biggest Loser and watch Glee later on with my mom. She watches NCIS (I try not to judge) during that time slot so we both catch up on Glee together later. I need Sue Sylvester back in my life. I need Rachel Berry's amazing voice back too.

8:30 pm: Running Wilde. Keri Russell and Will Arnett. That pretty much sums it up. Because it's these two actors, I will give this show three episodes before I chunk it. Please don't disappoint me Felicity.

9:00 pm: Parenthood. I heart the Braverman family!

Wednesday:

Nothing. My Youth will thank me that I can devote a whole night to them.

Thursday:

7pm: Community. Joel McHale, I will not give up on you, even though CBS put you up against Big Bang Theory. You are still my most favorite snarky person that isn't myself.

7:30 pm: 30 Rock. I wonder if there will ever be a time in my life that I won't adore Liz Lemon? Probably not.

8:00 pm: The Office. Bring back Holly, bring back Holly! Also, be funnier this season, okay? Last season was kinda meh for me (I know you can be your season 2 and 3 self if you really try).

Also, I watched Grey's Anatomy here and there last year and I did watch the insanely intense season finale (any of you that watch it, do you still have nightmares over that horrifically terrifying episode?), so I feel obligated to watch the premiere and find out what has become of the Seattle Grace peeps. After that, I feel no attachment to this show.

Also, also, when I'm bored at 9pm and I just want to see some eye candy, I will turn on The Mentalist. Simon Baker, delish! That's two Aussie hotties in one week, way to go CBS!

Then I'm free and clear Friday nights, I can spend my Saturday in prayer and repentance over the insane amount of television I'm viewing and then Sundays I will watch The Amazing Race. But I am pretty sure there will never be a team on that show like my fellow Oklahomans, Jett and Cord McCoy. I am hoping there is an All-Star season coming up that will feature these guys again.

So yeah. That's my tv viewing schedule for the fall. Fear not, though, I rested up this summer and am ready to take on such a ginormous time sucking project. Heck, I'm even willing to give up a couple of household chores to make sure I can fit it all in. I'm committed like that.

So tell me, what shows are on your MUST WATCH list?

As Of Late: September

2010-09-16T00:17:00.005-04:00

My darling cupcake Kristen didn't get As of Late posted earlier, which was the perfect delay for me since I had the random dozen already in the chute for Wednesday's post, giving me more time to ruminate on what is going on with me lately. Because there is a lot going on (in my head more than outside of it, as per usual).

Lately I've been thankful God knows our hearts and loves us anyway.

Lately I've felt the discomfort of raw emotions, and then the feeling of being okay with the discomfort (or maybe just sort of okay, it's a process).

Lately I've wondered how crazy one week can get (please God don't answer that this week, pretty please?).

Lately I've wondered if I'll ever learn to guard my mouth and the junk that I let spew out of it.

Lately I've been so over the drama.

Lately I've found that giving people another chance isn't really as horribly hard as I thought it would be.

Lately sweet sleep has been on my mind. I love you 10 hour nights of sleep (but why do you evade me so).

Lately I've been playing Brandon Heath's new song Your Love, on repeat.

Lately I've been saying this with delight: AUTUMN IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER! (Oh you know this deserved an all caps kind of shout out).

Lately I've been asking God to show me the strength of His everlasting arms.

Lately I've felt the weight of compassion for others. It's a burden bearing kind of week.

Lately God's put it on my heart to pray for a lot of my bloggy friends (and if you are reading this you are probably one of them!).

Lately I've decided to believe this truth: Grace Wins.

So what's new with you, As of Late? Share with us over at Kristen's blog!

Random Dozen: I Should Be Studying Right Now

2010-09-15T00:13:00.000-04:00

Tuesday was all out crazy. Really goofy, and sometimes really sad, stuff has happened. To be honest I could use a little randomness to calm things down. For serious.

1. Do you do garage sales? If so, tell me about one great find. If not, tell me why not. No I do not do garage sales. I have had some garage sales, but I do not go to garage sales as a general rule. My mission is to get rid of junk, not add more junk.

2. Name the last thing you fixed. Does a paper jammed printer count? I fixed a paper jammed printer this morning AND then I changed all the ink cartridges. This should surely count for something. And I fixed my hair this morning- into a ponytail. So there.

3. Name your A) Favorite item of makeup OR B) Favorite tool
My favorite item of makeup is my Clinique Black Honey Superbalm Moisturizing Lip Gloss. It is the perfect shade of everyday awesome. By some miracle of God, this lip balm (and the lipstick of the same name) looks good on everybody. Everybody. I have not proved this scientifically, but I am sure it is a correct and true statement.

4. Which room in your home needs organizing more than any other?
The bonus room. It is bordering on something that looks like it came straight from an episode of Hoarders. Thank God it's just the bonus room.

5. Which room could use re-decorating?
My bedroom, of course! Right now it needs new paint, new wall decor, new furniture and a nice new rug. And lamps.

6. Share something unique about your town.

How about something unique about my town that I didn't know until I found it on wikipedia? Like, I didn't know that John Hinckley Jr., the guy that tried to assassinate Ronald Reagan, was born in my hometown. Hmm. Wonder why we don't put that in the brochures?

7. If you could send a one-sentence message to your great-grandchild, what would it be?

Don't waste your life and always err on the side of grace and love God with all your heart and if you happen to have the technology and opportunity to travel back in time come kick it with me in 2010. (Lid, you didn't say it couldn't be a run-on sentence!).

8. Do you Facebook?

To a ridiculous degree.

9. Describe your favorite shoes.
Why describe them when I can just link to them? They are the uber adorable red pair at the top of Critty's blog. Love. Them. Don't actually own a pair, but I can say with a great deal of assurance that they are my favorite shoes in the whole wide world.

10. Do you listen to more talk radio or more music radio? What kind of station is it?
I listen to music radio, but I also love to listen to good podcasts. Because I am limited in the variety of stations in my home of John Hinckley Jr town, I vary between an oldies station and KLOVE. Sadly, my life would feel a little more complete if I had XM or Sirius Satellite Radio.

11. How far would you travel for a really good (favorite) meal?
A couple hours, unless you count the trips we make to Austin to eat, I mean, see my sister.

12. If you were totally honest with yourself (and us) what should you probably be doing right now instead of blogging?

Preparing my lesson for Youth. Which I will be doing in about fifteen more seconds.

If you like the random and want to join in head over to Lid's for more!

And I Just Showed Up...

2010-09-14T04:57:00.000-04:00

So last night I was sitting at my computer, having exhausted all the facebook perusing and blog skimming I could do for an evening, I started playing Mahjong Titans. This has to be my favorite time wasting activity that came with my new laptop. Your mind can run to and fro on all sorts of meaningless topics on autopilot whilst playing this game. But last night, for some reason, with a lot of discontent stirring in my soul, I wasn't doing the autopilot thing very well.

My moods shift up and down, if only internally, and I've been in a down mood lately. I've spent the better part of my September meditating on grace, but still I find myself struggling with a lot of stuff in my heart. Long held kind of stuff. Stuff that doesn't sit too well with grace. I think this week I sort of hit an impasse. Thus, down mood. When I get in these sorts of funks I'm not much for writing, not much for socializing, not much for anything, really. And I've been exhausted, which doesn't help the situation. If I was being honest I think I would just out and out say I'm going through a mini-depression. Yeah, I think that's about right. A mini-depression.

So I was sitting there playing Mahjong, dealing with the junk floating around my thoughts and suddenly I stopped. And I felt the strong urge to cry out to God. (Does that sound hokey? Because writing it out and then reading it back it read a little hokey). So I did. I told Him stuff I knew He knew but it felt good to get it out in the open, between the both of us. I didn't cry. Thought I would, but I didn't. Just spewed and talked and let go of some junk. I told Him I'm tired of wasting time (ironic that I was sitting at my laptop playing a computer game), tired of not living out dreams I've had all my life, tired of going round and round in circles. I told Him I wanted a clear cut plan of action, that I wanted to know how to follow the path to those dreams being fulfilled. You'd think that God would feel I was too demanding. Maybe He did, but I don't think so. I think, instead, I may have turned a corner with Him. And I think it's because for the first time in a long time, I was really and truly honest. Honest with the deep down stuff, honest with the stuff that feels a little pathetic but is still really what's going on on the inside of me. And so I think God was pleased with that. I know I feel better.

I think I'm going to blame Donald Miller for this. And maybe Sara Groves too (been listening to her album Add to the Beauty, and it does nothing if not stir you deep in your soul). I've been reading his book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (don't ruin the ending for me, I'm just over halfway through with it), about living a better story. I can relate to his feelings of not living a good story (anybody who spends copious hours playing Mahjong cannot be living a good story), and it has definitely sparked something in me, but I've not really done much with it yet. I don't think I'm going to have any more excuses after last night's prayers, though.

There's something that stirs in your heart when you pray like that. And, I think, something stirs in the heart of God too. He, being the ultimate in purpose and action and destiny and all that, He being the original author of my story, has heard my awakened heart. Can I say it's both thrilling and daunting to imagine what He might do next? What I might do next?

Of this, I'm sure. The computer game is going to be taking a rest. No more auto-pilot daydreaming for awhile either. Like Sara Groves I think I've just showed up for my own life.

Happy Happy Birthday Today's Your Special Day!

2010-09-13T01:18:00.001-04:00

Today is my one and only sister's birthday. She is 32 and now that we are both firmly planted in our thirties, I guess we should start acting and feeling like real grown ups (yeah, like that's gonna happen). This past week when she and her boyfriend were visiting the old, goofy Jenna proved to still be around as she laughed uproariously over a story involving a sister road trip to Tulsa, a dozen Krispy Kreme Donuts and a look that will forever remain in the caverns of my mind ("I'm gonna eat all of these!"). What is it about being around your siblings that brings out the kid in you?

Last year I listed 31 reasons why my sister is awesome, and so if you want to read all of those, go here. The year before, my first year of blogging, I kinda sorta forgot to wish her a happiest of birthdays from the blog with her own post, but she did get a shout out here (still sorry about that, Jenna!). This year, I'd give you a sort of photo memory post sort of ode to my sister, on her 32nd birthday.

First off, you should know she is gorgeous inside and out.

And she is fearless. I mean, who else goes horseback riding in high heels?

She's always known how to celebrate a birthday, and from an early age knew how to rock a Barbie gift.

She makes me laugh over the most random stuff (and sometimes over nothing at all).

We are as different as night and day, as her spiritual gift is having fun and my claim to fame is being the original fun-hater.

But she will always be my favorite sister, my oldest bestest friend and my hero in 4 inch heels, Happiest of birthday's to you sweet sister!!!

Caffeinated Randomness, Because Something's Gotta Keep Me Awake Today

2010-09-10T00:32:00.001-04:00

It is my intention to cram as much random as possible into one post, so I hope you are all ready for it. Here goes:

I have big dream kind of intentions to sleep in Saturday morning. Like, 10 am kind of sleeping in (if you knew my sleep schedule over the last several months you'd applaud me right now). This dream is going to get me through the day. I am so exhausted. It's just been one of those weeks (or maybe months) that runs you ragged. I'm kind of at my limit. So right now, on a Friday, I am thinking of sweet sleep.

My youth group is growing. I started with four steady kids, two guys and two girls, and have now grown to seven. Seven loud, energetic, but awesome kids. Oh the level of loud that they can achieve is mind boggling. What ever will I do with 10 or 20 or 30 kids? Lord, send me some help.

I read on Facebook yesterday that an old classmate (she worked with my mom and is 2 years older than me) is engaged for the first time. There is probably nothing that thrills my 33 year old single heart more than hearing of a longtime single woman in her mid-30s finally getting engaged. Gives me hope. Then I read the status update of another girl whose cousin just had a baby girl, her first child, and she is in her late 30s. She married at 35 early last year. Seeing God bless these women who are a little older (like myself) encourages me that God has my timeline secure.

In college I discovered the music of Burlap to Cashmere. Their album Anybody Out There was and still is one of my all time favorite albums. Songs like Digee Dime, Basic Instructions, Treasures in Heaven and Mansions are classics with a sound that has stood the test of time (even if that time is just a tad over ten years) and I have yet to tire of them. I was really sad when they broke up, but was glad that their front man, Steven Delopoulos, still made music. His solo album Me Died Blue is also one of my favorite albums of all time. Even my sister, whose love for christian music kind of peaked at 10 years old with Amy Grant, loves Me Died Blue. So I was thrilled, abso-freakin-lutely thrilled, to open an email today announcing that BTC had reformed and was releasing a new album. Here's the video detailing the delightful news with a little foretaste of their new album. I just had to share.

Burlap to Cashmere from electrolite films on Vimeo.

And so that's that. Also, I am kind of sad that there is nothing worth going to the movies to see this weekend. Sort of puts a damper on my Saturday. A little light shopping will have to serve as a replacement, I suppose.

There is more caffeinated randomness to be found at Andrea's. Stop by for your fix and link up with your own brew. Happy Friday everybody!!

Random Dozen: Does Anybody Else Feel Like It's Tuesday Instead of Wednesday?

2010-09-08T01:01:00.002-04:00

Did ya'll notice how I didn't answer one of my questions last week? Seriously, seriously I did not realize I had done that. I feel like a RD failure, the week before I pressed publish after only answering a couple answers (unedited at that!) and last week I completely ignore a question. Who knows what kind of shenanigans I can get into this week, especially considering that all day yesterday I thought it was Monday. Everything about me is a little off this week (thank you Labor Day!).

1. Describe the best sandwich in the world, according to you.
The best sandwich in the world is found at Chedd's, a gourmet grilled cheese franchise that my sister took us to in Austin last year. It is called A French Kiss and it has Garlic and Herb Jack cheese, Gorgonzola cheese, sundried tomato spread and pizza sauce on focaccia bread. Kissing after eating said sandwich is definitely not recommended, but to my garlic and sundried tomato loving palette, it was heavenly. I still have dreams about it and when I do to visit my sister in November I intend to relive it's deliciousness.

2. Which inspires you more: a good conversation, a song, a book or movie?

I have to go with a good conversation, with my mother, my best friend or my sister, the kind that nourish my soul and spark my imagination and hopes and sometimes just inspire me to be a little more me. But I am also very much inspired by great books and songs and movies too. Hey, I grasp for inspiration wherever I can find it.

3. What is your favorite board game?

Life has long been my favorite. I may have mentioned this on the blog before but when I was a kid I would find a way to cheat the game and add more kids so I often had a backup car following my regular gamepiece car for all the extra children! Call it Kara's Quiverfull Version of Life.

4. As you grow older, are you more or less patient with small children?
I'd like to think I'm growing more patient, thanks to my best friend's adorable daughter Addie. I asked her the other day if we were bff's and she told me yes, but then announced she was also bff's with the whole world.

5. Name one item you never let yourself run out of.
Witty retorts.

6. Do you agree with Tennyson's assertion, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?"

Oh yes, it is better to have loved LOST than to have never loved at all. Wait. What was the question?

7. Name one national treasure or monument that you have visited.
The spring of my senior year of high school, I went to a journalism conference in Washington D.C. and we were quickly paraded around and by and through most of them. I loved the Washington Monument, but my favorite thing was the Smithsonian. My parents and I have talked about going back sometime, and this time I may spend a whole week marvelling at all the cool stuff.

8. Which is more painful, to be disappointed in someone else or to be disappointed in yourself?

Oh definitely it is more painful to be disappointed with myself. My aim is a lot better when it comes to beating myself up over failures as well.

9. What makes your kitchen uniquely yours?
Technically the kitchen belongs to my parents, so nothing in it is uniquely mine.

10. Are you a crafty person?
I'd like to think I'm more a fan of crafts than an actual creator of crafts. Instead I pay a pretty penny for other people's creations.

11. What is your favorite traditional picnic or bbq (cookout) food?

I am not a fan of any mayonnaise based salads (potato salad, cole slaw or chicken salad, *shudder*) at all, but I love bbq, particularly really good brisket (my dad makes the best!) or ribs or smoked sausage.

12. Name one leisurely activity you enjoyed over Labor Day Weekend

Watching my sister's boyfriend beat my relatives at ping pong, laughing at some really bad karaoke, staring up at a stunningly beautiful night sky brilliant with stars, it was a perfect weekend for doing not much.

Did I miss anything? Is it okay to hit publish? There is more Random Dozen at Lid's.

Of Stars and Rest (Happy Labor Day)

2010-09-06T11:47:00.004-04:00

There is precious little hope to be got out of whatever keeps us industrious, but there is a chance for us whenever we cease work and become stargazers. ~H.M. Tomlinson

Last night at my uncle's house, once the sun had set and we all sat out on the lawn listening to our friends and family try their hand at karaoke, my sister remarked how beautiful the night sky was, all studded with stars. Living in a big city, she doesn't get the chance to stargaze like we can in the country. Of all the fun and exciting things we could have been doing on a long, glorious weekend I loved that the highlight was sitting back, relaxed and satisfied, nowhere to be and nothing to do, gazing at a starry night masterpiece. It reminds me of when we were kids and my dad would point out constellations and astound us with his knowledge of astronomy. Now there's an iPhone app that tells you which constellation is which. The app is way cool, but my dad, with his stored and ready knowledge, is still cooler.

Happy Labor Day, friends. Hope you get the chance to rest and relax and maybe stargaze a little.

Encouragement FAIL!

2010-09-04T11:53:00.004-04:00

After my bloggy twin Christy revealed September's Pouring Out challenge I spent some time trying to figure out the particular person I wanted to spend the month encouraging...and came up with nada (which sounds bad, I know, but really has more to do with my tendency towards indecision in these sorts of things and not that I don't know plenty of people who deserve lots of encouragement).

Anyways.

In my indecision I decided to spread encouragement wherever I could these past few days- at work, at home, on facebook- hoping for inspiration to hit on the right person. I saw a status update from my best friend talking about her love for her demanding job and how God uses her and I thought it was a great opportunity to encourage her in it. Her job is not an easy one, pouring into people who are walking through one of (if not) the most difficult time of their life. I am in awe of her ability to do it day and day out. So I thought I'd tell her so. This is what I wrote:

"You are awesome, Rachel! What a gift from God to do what you do everyday, I am so glad you love serving God and hurting people"

To which she quickly responded that it read as if I thought she loved serving God and loved to hurt people. Yeah. Encouragement FAIL (and Christian fail if that's what you actually do).

It's going to be an interesting month for Pouring Out.

Caffeinated Randomness: My Weekend, It Shall Rock.

2010-09-03T01:11:00.001-04:00

Three day weekend! Three day weekend! Three! Day! Weekend!

Really, if nothing else, that is blogworthy.

But if that weren't enough, my sister is coming to town on Sunday. With her boyfriend (who, incidentally, is originally from London, and I adore his accent. It's pretty much as awesome as you're imagining right now. So Kudos to my sister for dating a Brit!) And her fresh from the beaches of Utila suntan. Her birthday is in another week or so but since we won't be with her then we are going to do a little early celebrating when she arrives.

Sunday evening my uncle is throwing a big Labor Day party at his house, a low-country shrimp boil. The low country boil has been a big hit with our family ever since he introduced us to it five or six years ago. Really, I'm down for anything with shrimp in it. And corn I can slather in garlic butter. Most of my mom's extended family is going to be there, plus my uncle's employees, so it's going to be a big group of us. It should be lots of fun, and even though I sometimes come across as being allergic to ridiculous amounts of fun, I think it will be awesome.

The other bonus is that a cool front is coming through (pretty much as I type this, actually) and the weather this weekend is supposed to be wonderful. We're talking low humidity, clear skies, upper 80's. That is the way to send off summer, right (which I know is technically a couple weeks away, but doesn't everybody kinda consider it over after Labor Day? I know I do, with good riddance.) And since my uncle's party is outdoors, I am doubly grateful for the weather change.

It's not going to be easy, but I have to try to make it through the workday on a gorgeous day, anticipating a gorgeous weekend (THREE! DAYS!!). I hope yours will be just as lovely.

If you want to check out more caffeinated randomness, head over to Andrea's. Happy Friday!! (Oh yeah, I almost forgot: THREE! DAY! WEEKEND!!!!)

Learning Grace

2010-09-02T08:24:00.004-04:00

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how i do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28 The Message (emphasis mine)

I remember a long time ago reading in a book about birth order how a lot of first borns are discouraged perfectionists. I think the book was saying it was a foregone conclusion that practically all firstborns are perfectionists to start with, but some, like myself, didn't often show the real signs of a perfectionist so therefore they were the discouraged kind. The ones who procrastinated relentlessly, kept messy work areas instead of meticulous ones, took deadend jobs instead of high powered ones, and all this was a result of a deep inner desire to be perfect that had been dashed at some point. I really resonated with that. Discouraged Perfectionist. That's me.

I realize that I come across as way to hard on myself in my writings. This is likely because in real life I'm way too hard on myself. Duh. Last week when I wrote about The Struggle I thought a lot about the few comments that some very dear bloggy friends posted. I thought about my self-critical nature and my endless pursuit (and subsequent failures) of a life of awesome and perfect. I know, deep down, that it is a futile search.

I was talking with a co-worker the other day, a woman who has a similar leaning towards perfection and resulting criticism and she told me that she realized she was passing the same attitude on to her children. This gave her pause. It gave me pause. I'm not married yet, I don't have children yet either, but I do work with youth now and I do hope to be a mom someday. Do I really want this self-defeating, energy draining struggle for impossible to be passed on to them in any form?

So I started thinking yesterday about how to fight this. It seems funny to think about fighting a fight, but that's where my struggle ready brain goes. And then I came across this verse in Matthew. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. Not struggle. Not perfectionism. Not criticism or discouragement or high minded idealism. Unforced rhythms of grace. THAT, I realized, is what I need to banish this long held struggle in my mind and heart.

I decided to spend this month, September, practicing grace. As a child of God I know I've already been a recipient of boundless grace. So it's already there. My hope is two-fold, as one holding a lot of grace from a limitless grace-giving God. First, I want to be able to show myself some grace. Try softer as John Ortberg wrote in his book The Me I want to Be (a book I have been reading on for at least 5 months). Let go of the need to struggle in my own discouraged perfectionism. Be okay being human. Let God have the reins of my life for a change, or as Jesus put it, take His yoke on, a burden that is easy and light.

The second, inevitable result of practicing grace will be the grace I extend to everybody else. Being my own worst critic usually means I'm going to be everyone elses too. Isn't that awful? It's been a mainstay of my life to be critical and judgmental of the people around me. I was at the grocery store this weekend and I astounded myself at the measure of hasty judgments I had on the people around me. A woman in a supermini skirt and four inch heels and a revealing top received a disdainful, disapproving look (from afar, mind you) from me. Another woman decked out in wranglers and spurs (seriously, in the grocery store, spurs?) got an eyeroll from me. I took absolutely no time to wonder what God thought of these women. I so much rather would be a woman who is marked by grace, with eyes of grace, who can respond with grace. Because grace is what I so desperately need in my life, and it's what they need in theirs.

Maybe when I find myself pouring grace out on others, I'll find that I'm spending less time obsessing about myself and my struggles. That is my hope anyway. The grace to be less self-absorbed and more God-absorbed.

Random Dozen: Yo Quiero Liberty Bell?

2010-09-01T01:16:00.001-04:00

It's September!! September is always such a nice month. My sister is coming to town this weekend and I'm superexcited to see her (it's been three months since we visited her in Austin). There is a Clinique bonus time around the corner at Dillards. Fall officially starts this month (and I am praying the cooler temperatures come soon). And TV Premiere week is just three weeks away!! I've missed Chuck and House and 30 Rock and The Office and The Amazing Race and Glee. Watching the Emmy's on Sunday made me really excited about all these shows returning. I may love tv just a little too much. So Yay September!

Now on with the Dozen!

1. What insect are you most afraid of? Feel free to post a picture. Spiders, of every shape, size and variance. Ack!!!!!!

2. What is the greenest/most organic thing about you or that you do? This is the kind of question that makes me seem very much like a tree killing nazi, but sorry, I'm just not very green. I guess the most save the earth, green kind of thing I do is commute to work with my mother.

3. Tell me about a recurring dream that haunts you. I don't really have any recurring dreams but I always hate having dreams with spiders (or spider webs) in them. One time I dreamt that I was walking through these underground tunnels and room underneath the streets of my town and I climbed into one tunnel and noticed the way out was blocked by large spiders and spiderwebs so when I went to turn back the entrance I had just crawled through was barricaded with similar webs. Tell me dream analyzers what that means? Ack!!!

4. Have you ever missed a flight? What were the circumstances? Praise God, no. But one time I raced through the airport in Little Rock, Arkansas in order to make a flight with my boss (she misread the time we were supposed to fly out and we were thisclose to missing the flight). I am thankful that Little Rock's airport is not incredibly large and that I could run the entire time. And I know that planes aren't supposed to wait for passengers but I am fairly certain this one did for us.

5. What do you consider your best feature? My eyes.

6. What was the last concert you went to? Needtobreathe with Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers in Oklahoma City with my bff and her hubby.

7. Describe the most embarrassing church moment you ever experienced.

8. Are you a whistler, hummer or singer? I do all three, but more than any of the others I sing.

9. George Washington Carver said, "I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in." What is God saying to you through nature today, or this very minute? Change is inevitable, and that is daunting and reassuring at the same time (and at this point in the summer, I say praise God for the inevitable change of summer to fall).

10. On September, 1, 1752, the Liberty Bell arrived in Philadelphia. What memorable event will take place in your life on September 1, 2010? I will celebrate my boss's 60th birthday at her store, and later on that evening I will host the youth's first pizza party.

11. Taco Bell or the Liberty Bell? (You must choose.) Liberty Bell.

12. Do you believe men and women can have purely platonic friendships. Sure (I know Harry from when Harry Met Sally adamantly disagrees but too bad). I don't think these friendships are necessarily super deep, intimate relationships, because, at least for me as a woman, I get emotional intimacy all wrapped up with other kinds of intimacy if I'm not careful. But yes, I think men and women can have purely platonic friendships.

There is more random dozen, hopefully with less spider talk (shudder), at Lid's!

Letter to August: P.S. I Hate You

2010-08-30T23:58:00.005-04:00

Oh, August, unbearably hot, evil, way too long month of summer ickiness, I shall not miss thee.

It's nothing personal (okay, so maybe it is), but really, you are my least favorite of all the months of the year. Surely by now you know my heart belongs to autumn. And you always come at that time when my heart aches for crisp, cool air and fallen leaves and football games and soup simmering on the stove. Instead of these lovely things you give me 100+ degree temperatures, electric bills that make a good girl swear, and one more month that isn't October. And if you did bring football, no one would show up to watch it for fear of heatstroke. Why can't you be more like your brother September? At least he tries to be cool (and by cool I mean 90). The best thing I can find to say about you now is that you are almost over. One more day.

I can't say that I'll miss you. And don't even think of spilling your despicable triple digit temperatures over into September. Let's try to end on a good note, shall we? Maybe a little rain? Or perhaps a nice breeze with low humidity like last week's fluke weather? Didn't your mother (nature) tell you in order to have friends you have to be a friend? I think in your case a little weather kindness would go a long way.

But you are no November. Not by a long shot.

Please don't try to contact me about this. I will not be responding. I think it's better if we just part ways.

Yours (but not really),

Kara with a K

On Birthday Celebrations, Trees and Legacy

2010-08-30T01:08:00.000-04:00

I went to a birthday party for my boss this weekend. She is turning 60 on Wednesday and to celebrate, Sue's family and closest friends and employees got together to help her celebrate. Her whole family was there, including her two sisters, her parents, her two grown children and their spouses and her four grandchildren. She has the cutest set of tow headed grandchildren I have ever seen, and every last one of them has never met a stranger. I've worked for Sue long enough that I can remember when the latter two were born and when the eldest were just toddlers. Now the oldest are 13 and 11 (and handsome and beautiful, respectively) and the youngest are adorable and bright and never cease to make us laugh, a gift they did not hold back at the party.

When it was Rylee's (whom you might remember from my Bieber Fever post) turn to toast her Mimi, she shared just this statement: "Sixty's not old.....if you're a tree!" Absolutely adorable.

Sue's youngest grandchild, well, he takes the cake. The spitting image of his father, he is a ball of blonde energy and spunk. Before the prayer, Sue's pastor asked us all to stretch out our hands toward Sue as he prayed for her. I've never been one for closing my eyes during prayer and as I was looking around I saw Carter, Sue's three year old grandson run up to his mother and high five her outstretched hand. Not to let the momentum die down he promptly moved on to his cousin, Ian, with an equally exuberant high five. If the prayer had gone on much longer no doubt we all would have been high fived in rapid succession.

While waiting in line at the buffet, I made small talk with some of the other guests and they told me of similar Carter antics. A couple of them were standing at the back of the house and he asked if they would just leave. As in right then (I'm pretty sure this was a few minutes after they had arrived). Those at our table shared how he came circling around our table to tell us to "STOP!" "TALKING!" before racing off inside the house. Ever the charming host, that Carter.

But his most precious moment (for me, at least) came after the dinner, when the cake was being served. I was the first back to our table, and Carter was standing nearby drinking a soda. He scrambled over to my seat and asked, "Is this your seat?" (I was fully prepared to be asked to leave. RIGHT. NOW!)

"Yes, it is."

"Well, are you gonna sit here?"

"Well, I'm waiting to see if my friend Sharon is coming over here to sit, I don't want to sit by myself.".

"Are you scared to sit by yourself?"

"Well, you know, I kinda am," I admitted. There was no need for pretense just talking to a three year old, and I found myself feeling particularly open and honest.

"I can sit with you, if you want me to," he replied, and as I nodded yes, slid over to the seat to my right. Oh, ya'll. Melt my heart. The energetic little three year old that had high-fived people during prayer and run around all of our tables all night long didn't want me, an insecure thirty three year old woman to feel scared. Melt. My. Heart.

A minute later a co-worker of mine walked up and sat beside us.

"Aunt Nancy is here. See ya!" And off he ran, his obligation to me fulfilled.

I was thankful for his gracious hospitality, however short-lived it was, and really, the simple kindness in his gesture was absolutely fitting coming from such a sweet family. That night I had listened as one by one they lauded and celebrated my boss in poem and song and prayer and memories you could tell were cherished in the family. It felt like a sacred celebration we friends and co-workers had been privileged to witness, the honoring of the life thus far of a mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, niece and daughter. It was evident, not only from the telling of those memories and the laughter and the tears and the joy in this celebration, but in the lives of her children and grandchildren, that my boss is a special woman from a special family. And so the kindness, godliness, and the graciousness in her has been passed down, even to a rambunctious three year old. That, I believe, is what leaving a legacy is all about.

Sue, you're no tree, but what you are building will last just as long. Happy Birthday!

Caffeinated Randomness: New Youth Minister Edition

2010-08-27T07:40:00.004-04:00

I am having a hard time starting off my CR post this week. I have written and re-written my opening sentences like two or three times. Is that a random enough beginning for ya?

Wednesday was my second night with the Youth. One thing I've noticed in my small group is that there is a lot of picking on each other boy vs. girl, and sibling vs. sibling so I decided the best idea to negate all that was not to sit in a happy circle and read bible verses on love and peace, but instead play games where they didn't have a chance to pick on each other. I know, I know, oh so spiritual of me. But have you noticed the energy level of a typical 14 year old lately? I need to wear a little of the hyper off of them before they can even sit down and hear me talk about Jesus. So we played one of my all-time favorite go-to games from my Baptist Student Union days, I've Never. If you didn't go to my BSU in the mid-to-late 90's then let me explain the basics of said game. One person stands in a circle while the remaining people sit in chairs (there are only enough chairs for the people sitting down) and that person states something like "I've never had braces" and then any persons in the circle who have had braces have to get up and move chairs and the person in the middle tries to steal one of their chairs. Someone is always left standing and they have to be the person in the middle. Kind of simple, maybe a little lame, but oh my did it ever work for this group. They loved it! And perhaps, since there were only five of us, they wanted to make it more challenging by moving the chairs across the room from one another, a sort of extreme I've Never if you will. It was reported to me later that the sound of the five of us running across the room every 30-60 seconds sounded like a herd of buffalo, or as my bff's daughter Addie proclaimed, "I don't like the sound of that storm that's coming". It's a storm, alright. A storm of hormonal, hyper teenagers with one silly and maybe not all that sensible adult. I had a blast, though. Those kids already have my heart.

And seriously, what is it about cracking open the bible and starting a lesson that makes them want to ask every random, weird question about God or heaven?

Do we become angels when we die?

Are our pets in heaven?(I loved when one girl told the guy asking that question that there is a lion and a lamb in heaven according to the bible, and the guy answered that he didn't want no lion as a pet!)

So if we're supposed to love everybody does that mean terrorists? murderers? rapists? {One of the girls proclaimed that loving her neighbor was going to be easy since her neighbor was her grandmother. She was less enamored to find out that the love needed to extend to the girl that lived across the street}.

It's going to be interesting, answering these questions, and wrangling the hormones of teenage boys and girls. Feel free to pray in extra doses for me this week.

Find more caffeinated randomness at Andrea's. And Happy Friday, ya'll!

The Struggle

2010-08-26T01:02:00.000-04:00

A week or so ago I was having lunch with my mom at my favorite local Chinese restaurant. After filling our bellies with some of the best eggrolls, fried rice and other delightful dishes known to man, we always read our little fortunes and either laugh or roll our eyes and share with the other what we got. We never really take them seriously, even the time or two my mom has gotten one that says, you or someone you know will be getting married in the next year (and she always thinks that's going to be me or my sister). They're just fortunes. But this time it stuck out to me, and I've thought about it ever since.

You often struggle with self-improvement, and it shows.

I read it and laughed uncomfortably at it's unexpected poignant accuracy. Then I showed it to mom and she had that same knowing laugh, the one that means hit. nail. head. I often struggle with self-improvement, and the part that shows? The struggle. It's always the struggle.

All those things I want to change or improve about myself, from my weight to my time management skills and lack of self-discipline, to loving others more, loving God more, complaining less, procrastinating less, following through with what I start, being a better friend, employee, daughter, sister. All those things I want to change and usually all that I ever see is the struggle, the earnest, the failures that result.

I wonder, when do we stop the struggle? When does it, or does it ever, get easier? And if the answers to those questions are never, what do I do with that? Because I want more than just the struggle to show. I want a life that isn't solely marked by futile warring within myself for something more.

Maybe the struggle makes us stronger, and maybe it's all part of this journey. I don't want to make that the trite, empty answer to my question, even if it is true. Because there is nothing worse than struggle that produces nothing but weariness and defeat.

So in these two promises I take hope: that He who began a good work in me will carry it on until to completion until the Day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6) and that I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37).

It's what I look forward to, a life marked by sure and visible victory instead of struggles for self-improvement. Try putting that on a fortune cookie.

Random Dozen: Note To Self, Don't Press Publish Until You Finish Typing

2010-08-24T23:35:00.000-04:00

So perhaps I hit the publish button too soon (accidentally actually, and I'm not sure how it happened) and so you may have already read the first three answers or so to this random dozen (and a little early at that). Sorry about that. I guess my fingers were just so darn excited to reveal the dozen this week.

1. What is your favorite Mexican dish? When it comes to Mexican food, for me, it's about more than just one dish, so, my favorite Mexican meal is chips, salsa, guacamole, queso, fajitas and a sopapilla. Preferably from Ted's Cafe Escondido.

2. When you were a kid, did you get started on your homework right away after school, or did you procrastinate? Procrastinate! Still do, actually.

3. What is your favorite store for home furnishings? Pottery Barn

4. When you were young, did you like school lunches? No, not at all.

5. Is religion a crutch? Religion a crutch, I suppose it can be, in the sense that people struggle with life and need something to help them cope and all sorts of religions have that sort of expectation about them. But if you are a follower of Christ it isn't as much about religion as it is relationship with Christ. The relationship is one of transformation and cleansing and sanctification, not merely a set of ideologies and beliefs that help us cope. So if other "religions" could be called a crutch, Christianity is major surgery overhauling the broken bones into something whole. Trying to compare true Christianity to a crutch is like comparing apples to oceans. They aren't even the same thing, not by a long shot.

6. In your region, what is the "big" (most popular in the community or state) high school sport? Football

7. Do you consider yourself rich? Compared to the majority of the world, yes.

8. Which of these would you have the best chance for success in administering:
A) CPR
B) Heimlich Maneuver
C) Changing a flat tire

How about D) None of the above

9. Which dance would you prefer to learn & why:
A) Salsa
B) Hip Hop
C) Waltz
D) Swing

I am so not good at dancing, and I am such a clumsy sort of person that I don't want to learn how to do any of those dances. But swing dancing was super popular at the end of my college days and I think if I was going to learn one of those dances back then I would have chosen swing.

10. What's the worst news you've ever delivered to someone? I remember calling my sister after my mom's dog Hollie got struck by a car and killed late one night. I was sobbing and it was a hard thing to share. Death news has to be the worst kind of news of all the news.

11. Name something you learned in college that had nothing to do with classes or academics. Guys aren't very fond of clingy, possessive girls.

12. New variation on an old question: If there's a song in your head that just won't get out, what is your favorite (or most repeated) line in that song? Lately it's the song Human by Natalie Grant and the lyric that keeps going through my head is "I'm human, You're human, We are, we are human", but the lyric that I love from the song is "We've gotta do better than this cause we only got one chance to make a difference, we've gotta do better than this 'cause we've only got one life that we've been given" Good stuff there, but the I'm Human, You're Human part is kinda getting on my nerves (naturally it's what is stuck in my head).

Now, isn't that better than an unfinished dozen? Be sure to link up at Lid's and share your own answers to this week's random dozen today!!

Just So You Know, She's Packin' Heat Too

2010-08-23T01:00:00.001-04:00

My best friend Rachel never ceases to amaze me. She is an incredibly awesome mom to one of the cutest girl's alive, Addison, and works for the District Attorney as an assistant victim's witness coordinator. It's a crazy demanding, emotionally draining sort of job that requires a strength and grace that God alone gives. Last weekend she and her husband took their certification test thing to have concealed carry permits (and, I'm told, she shot better than most of the guys taking the test with her). And she does all this in three inch heels, ya'll. It's alright to be in awe of her.

Sunday morning my best friend and I led worship so we arrived at the church earlier than everyone else. I was a bit nervous, not having led worship in over a year, and felt scattered and insecure and uneasy. I had no sooner turned on the lights and set my purse down when I heard my best friend scream, "Oh my gosh there's a little baby mouse in the corner!". I ran around the corner to see a itsy bitsy teenie weenie little baby mouse huddled in the corner of the step onto the stage. I scream. My bff does what any normal, rational screaming person would do and called her husband on her cell phone for him to drive back to the church and remove said baby mouse from our presence. He did not answer. She soon discovered the mouse would run away from us if we ran toward it so we spent a ridiculous amount of time running around our sanctuary trying to get him to run under the door and out but he just kept bumping into walls and turning around again. It was hilarious.

After about five minutes of mouse chasing our pastor arrived. By this time, however, another baby mouse had emerged and we had TWO mice running around our sanctuary. Now I was no longer nervous about leading worship, I was nervous about being joined on stage by rodents! Our pastor came to our rescue by killing said mice (which I would not have done, because darn it if they didn't look cute, but as my bff chided me, "Kara they're only gonna get bigger and uglier") in prompt, no-nonsense fashion. I hid in the sound booth while my best friend and pastor wrangled them up.

After the double homicide was over, and my pastor retreated in victory to his office, another baby mouse came running out from under the stage. This time my newly courageous bff took matters into her own hands (or heels as it were) and took off one of her three inch high heels and killed the last mouse, whilst one of my teenagers taunted her with a, "Thou shall not kill, Rachel!". Clearly the early morning church crew was split between the pacifist animal lovers and the wild, high heel shoe killing commandment breakers. The latter won, they always win. RIP three blind church mice. Rest in Peace.

CR: All The Random You Can Handle

2010-08-20T07:40:00.003-04:00

I'm going to try my darnedest to make this a truly random post (but as of yet, not caffeine has entered my system, therefore I am not responsible for the variety of random contained therein), because I feel especially ambitious this Friday.

Five weeks minus 1 day until the official start of autumn. And all the air conditioners cried, Hallelujah! We actually had a short-lived cool front this week, where we had low 90s for a brief few hours. Seriously, I never knew I'd be thankful for temps in the 90s. But I was. I so was.

Is it horribly telling of me that my favorite part of Eat Pray Love was the Eat part (the movie that is, I haven't read the book)? Oh, Italy, we must meet someday. Also, I think I need to learn Italian, such a beautiful language.

Right now, for a limited time, you can stream Jars of Clay's upcoming release The Shelter on their website for free. Oh peeps, you must do this (it is perfection for perusing blogs and facebook or playing a game of 5 of Mahjong Tiles). According to their website The Shelter was inspired by an old Irish proverb that says, "It is in the shelter of each other that the people live." and it is all about community. The cool part is that they have a lot of awesome (read, some of my faves!) special guests on the album, like Thad Cockrell, Audrey Assad, Michael and Lisa Gungor, Derek Webb and Burlap to Cashmere (Be. Still. My. Heart.). The album releases in October and you better believe I will be downloading/purchasing myself a copy. Oh so good.

My sister is leaving today for a little island off the coast of Honduras for vacay. Yet another person who is making me unbelievably jealous with their beach vacation wanderings. I will not turn green with envy. I will not turn green with envy. I will not turn green with envy. I've pretty much given up hope for a beachy vacation (or any sort of vacation) this year. But next year? Next year I've got some plans. Me+the beach+a superawesome friend+her two unbelievably adorable children= vacation therapy next Spring.

Did I sufficiently random you up this happy Friday? If you could use another dose or 10, check out Andrea's CR, or link up and join in the fun yourself.

The Waiting

2010-08-18T23:45:00.002-04:00

Taking on this youth ministry gig has really got me thinking about all sorts of things, but one big thing is how I still so much wish I was married. To be honest, one reason I didn't consider taking the position sooner is because I really felt it was better if a couple could do it. I know it isn't necessary to have a man in that ministry, but it certainly is beneficial. I guess I just expected it to be that way, me and my husband, an unstoppable team. But it's not that way, it's just me. And that has me a little sad, bringing me back to that same old thought, "I should be married by now". I hate sharing that thought, much less having it. But it's there, it's almost always there.

And I know I'm not the only one waiting, wondering, dealing with mounting disappointment and disillusionment and a timeline that doesn't fit the timeline in your head. I have friends and loved ones who have been waiting months and some even years for a child, but they are still barren. I know they think, "I should have had a child by now." I have another friend who feels stuck in a dead end job while some of her former classmates are finishing law degrees and going into big time careers, and they think "I should be in a great career by now". The waiting and the hope deferred drenches us like the humidity of an Oklahoma August afternoon. It's downright unbearable, with no foreseeable relief in sight.

It makes me think about this conversation my best friend and I had a few weeks ago, driving back from a conference with her husband (God bless him for not only being our chauffeur, but putting up with two overly talkative, emotional, crazy women). We were talking, my best friend and I, about these unfulfilled dreams. I love my best friend's honesty, how she doesn't cover over the unflattering shades of her life. She aches with the brokenness of shattered dreams. Ours are wildly different, but a dream is a dream. And she fumed and mourned them with me in the car that night. In the moment I know she felt all alone in her heartbreak questioning aloud the why's of a longing unfulfilled. I told her I knew how she felt and her response echoed back with the realization that we were both there in the same boat. The heartache between us hung thick like the hot humid night air outside. For a moment it felt like our two silent souls shared the same sigh filled with the same longing. And though it was never uttered aloud I think they both cried, why God? How long? I spoke a few seconds later. "I think our problem is that we put a timeline on Gods promises and God doesn't"Because the truth for me and my friend is that God hasn't outright shut the door on these particular dreams. For right now they dangled in the realm of not yet.

The realm of not yet. It's a rather unsettling place for your dreams to be, isn't it? I wish I knew how to hand over the timeline of my life, but I just haven't been able to. I cannot fathom a God unfettered by time. I don't know how God sees the deep, wide, strong dreams of this thirtysomething woman longing to marry and be a mother and not fulfill them. I know He reserves the right to shut the door on both of those dreams, but honestly, I don't think He has.

So for now I wait, and I press on. And the dreams stay in the realm of not yet.

Random Dozen

2010-08-17T08:06:00.005-04:00

Tonight is the first night with the youth group and I'm nervous and excited and I would love your prayers for tonight's service if you can spare the time. Until then, on with the Random!

1. What is your favorite fair/carnival food?

The good old-fashioned corn dog, unless you are talking about the local arts and crafts fair in town and then it would be the tater twirl.

2. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

Aren't we all? Clothes, regrets, junk mail (don't ask me why), prayers God said no to, the dream that I will one day inherit enough money to be considered independently wealthy.

3. What is your favorite gift to receive?

The ones I really want! Honestly, not a surprise kind of girl. Usually, I make a list. It's best if you stay with the list.

4. When was the last time you tried something new?

How's this for new?

5. What is your favorite and least favorite book genre?

Memoir is my favorite (ala Donald Miller and Shauna Niequist), and my least favorite is western fiction (and I say that having never read or never intending to read said genre, sorry for being a prejudiced reader).

6.Silver or Gold?

Silver and Gold, Silver and Gold, everyone wishes for silver and gold! Sorry, I had to get that out of the way. We sing that a lot at my workplace, especially around christmas, I blame Mika, who was a teenager when I started but now is the late 20's mother of soon to be 3 kids. I feel old now. Wait, what was the question? Oh yeah, I'm gonna go with both.

7. What makes you sigh?

An exceptionally good love story (and most of them are).

8. If you didn't know how old you are, how old would you claim you are?

25. Sounds like a good, solid number.

9. Would you break a law to save a loved one? To protect a loved one?

That's a hard one, because I'm such a stickler for rules and being all law-abiding and what not. But to save a loved one, sure. To protect a loved one, depends on what kind of law I would be breaking and whether or not the "protecting" is truly in their best interest.

10. If you had to teach something, what would it be?

English, History, Psychology, Sociology. Really anything but Math or Science.

11. You're having lunch with 3 people whom you respect and admire. They begin to criticize a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. What do you do?

Defend my friend, of course! Let them know the great things about her and wonder why I admire and respect people who are critical of the people I love.

12. Which of the 5 Love Languages is your prominent means of experiencing love?

I used to think mine was Words of Affirmation, but now I am certain I am a tie between Quality Time and Gifts.

Share your random dozen answers and link up at Lid's today!!

Confessions of a Recovering Know-It-All

2010-08-17T01:09:00.001-04:00

I love being right. Which means it should go without saying I hate to be wrong. This is one of those horrible idiosyncrasies I have that I just can't shake. I will argue relentlessly when I believe my point is the one true valid point, regardless of how small the matter. I drive people crazy on a daily basis. I have trouble seeing the benefit in letting things go in order to make peace.

I was reading the following passage the other day and I smirked to myself over the addendum I would include, if I was the one who penned it (and thank God I wasn't):

"Always be humble and gentle (unless the other person is wrong, then pounce like a feral cat) patiently put up with each other (with the exception of the poor idiots who have it all wrong) and love each other (or at least love the people you already like). Try your best to let Gods spirit keep your hearts united (this works best if everyone will just agree that I am always right and they are not). Do this by living at peace(and if that won't work, try living deserted island style for awhile)." Ephesians 4:2-3 (A Karaphrase).

It's seems rather to silly to imagine the commands of God this way, but I think, if we're honest, it's exactly what we do; adding our own rationalizations and vague interpretations and exceptions to His rules. In my case, I've done it to preserve my right to always be right. Even if it means in God's eyes, I'm horribly wrong.

I know a lot about being right. I know about defending myself in a debate over my perceived right over your obvious wrong. I know how to stubbornly stand my ground until the other person gives in or gives out. But I don't know how to love past my deep, inherent need to be right. I don't know how to fight for unity and bear with others with a patience that overrules my stubborn sense of right and wrong. I don't know how to preserve peace over chaos and arguments and debates.

I wonder why I've valued being right, being a superior know-it-all, over those spirit led and spirit filled traits of love and peace and patience and gentleness. It should go without saying those are the qualities God prefers in His children. And now, I'm finding myself hungry for that fruit in my life. It's funny, all the years I've been taught this stuff, that it's only now starting to sink in. Guess I haven't been so right after all.

So I Mentioned Risk Yesterday...

2010-08-16T01:14:00.003-04:00

"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for." John A. Shedd

A while ago, sometime around the beginning of the year, Kristen posted that quote on Exemplify's page on Facebook. It's one of those quotes that grabs you instantly and you don't know if it did because it scares you or thrills you. I wasn't sure at first myself, but the notion certainly sparked something in me. Myself? I'm a harbor girl. I love safety and security and protection and stability. I'm not a risk taker, and I'm not brave by nature. This is probably why I still live at home with my parents, still in the same town I grew up in, still at the same job I started at while still in college. My favorite quote? Bloom where you are planted. Only I haven't really been blooming. And I definitely have spent my share of time tethered safely to a dock in a harbor. And something in me, something that is actually a bit foreign to the cautious, comfort seeker, has been pulling at the anchor, longing to be what I was designed to be.

Before you get to thinking I'm moving far from home, taking a job out of my comfort zone, let me calm you down a bit. I'm not. Still staying here, in my small town, still staying in my parents home, for now. Still at my regular job, the same one I've been in for 11 years. But still, I've made a decision, and I've taken a risk. It may not seem that big a deal to you, but we're talking about harbor girl here. It's a big deal to me.

Several weeks ago I learned that the youth in our church were without a leader. It's a small group, 7 or 8 kids at best, but they are still a group and they still need someone. I don't take lightly that kind of calling. I don't think it's some little thing to pour into the lives of young people. It's God's work. It's serious work (even when it's fun and goofy work). It's not harbor girl work. It isn't safe. And yet, I couldn't get it out of my mind.

I thought about it and prayed about it, this big undertaking. I thought about how uncool and irrelevant I would probably be to a handful of junior high and high school kids. I thought about how much time it would take from my life . I thought about my insecurities as a leader and a speaker. I thought about how I was the wallflower invisible girl in high school and if she would rear her loser head if I found myself immersed in teenage world again. And then I thought about how much I want those teenagers to know Jesus like I know Him. I thought about the joy I get from sharing God's word and seeing a face light up with that "got it" expression. I thought about community and my church and how I don't want that handful of kids to grow up and out of church without really knowing the word of God or how to pray or how to be a part of the family of God. I thought about how they should have the chance to be a part of God's work in our church, and to feel a part of the community in their own way, in a way I got to when I was their age, in a safe to ask questions and be yourself and feel accepted kind of environment. I thought about how huge and risky it would be to love them, really love them, and lay down my life for them. And each of these thoughts pulled up on the anchor that had been rooted in a safe harbor known as my life.

It scares the you know what out of me, but I've made an irreversible decision: I am my church's new youth minister.

The single, cautious, newly brave, yet to find her sea legs, former wallflower has made a big move. Goodbye to harbor girl.

And you know something? I'm really, truly excited. Scared. But excited. I covet your prayers, covet them big time. It's been a while since this ship has been out on open waters.

As of Late (AKA my Most Favorite Meme Ever)

2010-08-15T08:22:00.004-04:00

The 15th kind of snuck (snuck, sneaked? which is correct?) up on me this month. I wasn't even thinking about As of Late until I was up late last night not feeling well and opened up Exemplify's page to see Kristen's latest post. I hope my As of Late's don't feel like a jumbled mess. But here goes.

Lately I've been taking Psalm 63's cry to seek Him early to heart.

Lately I've been inspired by all the blog makeovers and my mind is whirling with ideas for my own.

Lately I've taken a risk which equally thrills and terrifies me. More on that tomorrow.

Lately I've been meditating on the greatest command and the second just like it.

Lately I'm still loving Audrey Assad and Thad Cockrell.

Lately I've been thankful to be given the chance to bloom where I'm planted.

Lately I've been humbled by the people who take the time to read and comment on my blog. Your words are so kind!

Lately I've been counting the days until and praying for an early autumn. 100+ degree temperatures are of. the. devil.

So what has been going on with you as of late? Share it with us and link up at Kristen's blog.

Caffeinated Randomness: A Whole Lot of A Little

2010-08-13T01:15:00.001-04:00

This week is a lot like last week: long week, unbearably hot, ready for the weekend, blah, blah, blah. In the dog days of summer nothing really seems to change (especially the ridiculous temperatures ack!). I think it goes without saying that I am so homesick for autumn that I cannot stand it. So I won't mention it. Nope, not even once.

My father is meeting up with my sister and her boyfriend for a Texas Rangers game this weekend, so mom and I are on our own. We plan to go to my favorite restaurant in town on Friday night where I intend to enjoy the best macaroni and cheese I've ever had in my entire life and steak you can cut with a fork. Delish! Then on Saturday we are making like hermits and staying home the entire day, which may sound dreadfully boring to you, but with the heat outside and the lack of funds since my shopping excursion last weekend, it sounds blissfully perfect to me. I've got laundry and back episodes of Drop Dead Diva and Covert Affairs (LOVE this new show) to keep me and mom company all day long.

In other random news, have I ever mentioned there isn't a personality test or assessment I don't love? The former psych major in me is drawn to them. I found the Enneagram personality types last week thanks to a couple of tweets about it from some people I stalk, er, follow on Twitter. You can take a free (less lengthy and less detailed) version of their test on the website or if you have an iPhone or iPod touch, you can download their app (I think it's $4.99) and take the full version to get more accurate results. Basically there are 9 personality types and each type has two possible subtypes (they call them wings). I have always been a big Myers-Briggs fan, but I really do like the Enneagram personality types. I took the short free version on their site and the app version and both times came up with Type 6, The Loyalist.

(By the by, who doesn't love being described as suspicious and anxious?).

I am pretty sure I am a Type 6 with a 5 wing, "The Defender", which sounds way cooler than suspicious and anxious. According to the app, I'm in good company as a Loyalist, because so is Robert Redford, Billy Graham, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Hanks, Johnny Carson, Julia Roberts, Princess Diana and in the world of fiction, The Cowardly Lion. I think they are just stereotyping the poor Cowardly Lion (fyi, the Cowardly Lion is a type 6 with a 7 wing, "The Buddy", although when he balls up his fists and paces around saying "put 'em up, put 'em up" I think he's just channeling his inner 5 wing).

Not to be outdone by the Enneagram, I took a blogthings personality test recently too. You know, just for a little balance:

You Are a Surprise

There's nothing about you that is predictable or ordinary. You are totally one of a kind!

You're always changing and growing. You are never how you once were - you're always a little better.

You are constantly on the lookout for new trends or ideas. You love discover something else to love.

You are quite sweet, but you also keep it real. You wanted to be accepted for who you truly are.

The Ice Cream Cone Test

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

Both results are apt descriptions, don't you think?

Gosh, all this analyzing myself has made me tired (and strangely hungry for ice cream). Have an awesome weekend and for more caffeinated randomness check out Andrea's!

Oh, and if you are as much a personality test geek as me, take the enneagram test and let me know what type you are!

On Seasons and Dying

2010-08-12T01:02:00.001-04:00

There's this tree across the street from where I work and its leaves have turned orange and red and brown. Typically this is a sight I marvel at but this week when I saw it's premature turning I felt sad. Its August, not October or November, and that means that heat and drought are responsible for the change, not my favorite season.What is breathtaking and stunning in it's proper time and place feels depressing and wasted out of season.

This past weekend a precious woman of faith passed away in our community. She was close to my moms age, and I consider that a young age to die. I know the young (even the exceptionally young) die everyday, but there is just something about the notion of someone dying before old age that seems such an injustice. I think about the grandchildren this woman will never meet. I think about how she doesn't get to be old with her husband who had been her high school sweetheart. Death should come at the right time, in the late autumn of life, but sometimes it just doesn't. Sometimes it's like that tree across the street, dying off in brilliantly sad colors in the wrong season. That grieves me so much.

I was told that her family had sent an email to friends and loved ones who were vigilantly praying, letting them know in that last week that hospice had been called in and that they were trusting God with the timeline of her life. What grace and faith it must have taken to not only write that but truly believe it. They hoped for a miracle but they rested in God's ultimate sovereignty. It's a kind of trust that throws out our man-made timelines and seasons and expectations and sees life from a faith perspective, which is, in fact, an eternal perspective. God has the final say.

My boss told me that when she was praying for Patti a couple days before she died God reminded her of the verse in the bible that says God numbers our days before there is yet one. It gave her peace, knowing that God had her dear friend's days numbered already. She wondered aloud how prayer and miracles and hope fit in with that kind of sovereignty and ultimately we decided it was above our level of understanding, but still we believed it. That's faith for you, even when you don't really get it, you keep trusting.

We're not trees. We're not on a timeline we can predict. Some of us get a full life of seasons- birth, youth, middle age, old age, right on up past 100- and some only get a portion, but all of us, everyone of us, gets the days God numbered for us. I can kick against the limits of this life, but I can't add a single day to it.

I was told by someone, I don't remember who, that in the days or weeks before her death, Patti actually exclaimed she was excited to be going home to be with Jesus. Even in the midst of great pain as a result of spreading cancer and the treatment of it, even knowing that she would leave a husband and children and potential grandchildren and old age and a great many other things, she knew where her greatest treasure did lie. I think of her and I think I have become way too fond of this place. Way too fond of it's timelines and seasons and trappings.

So Patti and the tree, their respective deaths have taught me some things; There is a season for everything, and God knows what fits in each season under heaven, but maybe most importantly I needed to be reminded of this: A better home awaits.

The Random Dozen Returneth

2010-08-11T01:17:00.000-04:00

This summer just got a whole lot more random since Lid brought back the Random Dozen! Last time I wrote one of these up LOST was still on the air. I shall heretofore refer to my random dozen days as B.L. and A.L. (before LOST and after LOST), it's only appropriate. Now how am I gonna segue into the dozen? How about by apologizing in advance for a lame general non-answer to the first question? Will that do? Good.

1. When was the last time you laughed until you cried? Is it sad that I can't remember? I'm sure it was probably just hanging out with my parents and my dad or mom said something ridiculously silly and I couldn't stop laughing. But, honestly, I cannot remember. This sorta depresses me. Must laugh until I cry more often.

2. If you found $10 today, what would you do with it? Get a manicure. My cuticles look scary, ya'll.

3. Do you volunteer anywhere? I'm very involved in my church, but other than that, no.

4. What is your favorite summertime veggie or fruit, and how do you eat it? Peaches and I just cut them up and eat them. But I also really enjoy a good peach cobbler or homemade peach ice cream. And as far as a veggie I have to go with okra. And I love it fried. Or sauteed with tomatoes and onions.

5. Is your social sphere (circle of friends) small, medium or large? Intentionally smallish. I go for quality over quantity. Not that the two can't co-exist. I like to say that a few friends is all I can handle. Which is probably more accurate than I care to admit.

6. When was the last time you attended a family or school reunion? How did that go? Since the only high school reunion my class has celebrated thus far is the 10 year (and I didn't go) then I'll go with my last family reunion which was in 1992. 18 years later though and I remember those days vividly. I was obsessed with this new show on MTV called Real World (did anybody else watch that first season with Julie the naive dancer from Alabama? I loved her!) and U2's The Joshua Tree was my soundtrack on the trip to and from the reunion. I wore really large blue glasses and no makeup and was truly a dork. I played with some cousins that were a good 7 or 8 years younger than me, whom I haven't seen since and felt like the super uncool cousin in my cabin. The best part of the entire reunion had to be when my grandmother schooled me in ping pong. Yeah. I'm that good.

7. When you're feeling blue, what is the best way someone can cheer you up? Bring me Chick-fil-a and say, "Hey, I have an advanced copy of Season 6 of LOST, let us watch it while eating Chick-fil-a. Oh, and your boss called and you have the day off, it's on her! And, I forgot to mention, we skipped the remainder of August and September and it has magically become October, as soon as we finish partaking in this delicious Chick-fil-a food and the bonus features on this LOST disc we should frolic in the 60 degree temperatures and delight in the changing leaves. Look, I bought you a soft new sweater to wear. Oh and check it out, all these credit card companies sent you letters saying you owe them nothing. I guess this is a perfect time to tell you I was planning on surprising you with an all expenses paid vacation to Hawaii. Isn't that fabulous?" Yeah, that would work.

8. Have you taken a vacation this summer? NO, and I'm a little bitter about it.

9. What is the most unnecessary item you carry with you all the time? Gum wrappers that end up at the bottom of my purse.

10. What is the best summer flick you have seen so far? Inception. I mean, I'm a LOST fan some I'm cool with reality bending stuff and open ended endings. I think it might be my favorite film I've seen all year.

11. Describe a perfect summer day. On a white sandy beach, it's sunny and breezy but not unbearably hot. With family, my bestest friend and her family, a picnic and a great book. There are no commitments or obligations other than enjoying yourself to the fullest. Oh how I need a vacation!

12. Please a share a favorite photo from the summer so far! Would you believe I have not a one. And that might be because I've misplaced my camera. In fact, I haven't seen it since Memorial Day weekend. So literally, haven't had it all summer.

Enjoyed the dozen today? You can share your answers and link up over at Lid's!

Fits and Starts

2010-08-09T23:14:00.000-04:00

In light of all this here is what I want you to do. While I'm locked up in here, a prisoner for the master, I want you to get out there and walk- better yet run!- on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that leads nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline- not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourself out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. Ephesians 4:1-3 The Message

I read this passage recently, instantly drawn to those words, fits and starts. I know why, why it wasn't the humility and discipline I so readily identified with, or the pouring myself out for others in acts of love. None of those descriptions resembled the person I currently am. I know I've lived my life in fits and starts; New Years resolutions and Monday morning diet attempts and journaling and summer bible reading plans gone awry. Part procrastinator and part dreamer and part way too hard on myself, I seldom finish what I start.

I want to lose weight and I am challenged by those success stories of people who are able to do it. I pour over every bit of advice they give, hoping to find some secret revelation I've missed, and I inevitably come up short. Eat right and exercise, they say. Journal and measure and weigh yourself regularly and be accountable and do this day after day after day after day. And though I know this is truth, this is the way, I still feel I'm incapable of such actions. Helpless, even.

Every year at this time I get ambitious and all HGTVish and what to de-clutter and re-decorate my bedroom. I go to great lengths planning and plotting and imagining what I would like the space to be. I start with a project (like last years great closet cleanout of 2009) and I find myself flailing halfway through. By winter my room looks little different, and when I emerge in spring I'm depressed by the mess I find. It takes me all summer to want to begin again. It's a vicious cycle.

I secretly marvel at the disciplined Christian who daily pursues God, through the mundane, through the trials, through the blessed times. I am not that person. While my outward persona appears to be steadfast my heart often veers terribly off course. I put on a good show; but pay no attention to lazy, doubtful, pitifully human girl behind the curtain.

What I need is a steady heart. A disciplined life. A scripture recommended cure for the fits and starts. For a long time, longer than I care to mention, I've felt like a car stuck in mud, spinning it's wheels in desperate futility. In practically every area of my life I've felt like I haven't moved from the quicksand of fits and starts. I haven't really wanted to talk about it, write about it, or quite frankly even think about it, this state of my heart and soul, but I've felt very brave lately.

And with this bravery has come a little revelation. It's simple, really, but you'd be surprised how often I miss the simple by trying to find profound. Here it is:

I'm the only one who's holding me back.

Just me. All my preconceived notions of how difficult it is to do the thing, whatever the thing is, at the time. My mind analyzes and then over analyzes the work and time and sweat and sacrifice and potential for failure that is all wrapped up in achieving this life I so want, the life I know God has called me to. I set myself up for a cycle of defeat each and every time. And I've come to realize that I'm the one feeding the fears. I'm the one behind the cop outs. Just me.

I'm the only one who's holding me back.

Now that I've seen this, now that I've recognized it's true, I know I'm responsible for it. I know that I can't sit back and wonder why I'm not doing the thing, why I'm still going at it all in fits and starts.

Needless to say, I'm challenged. Deep inside my spirit I can hear those words in Ephesians, "I want you to get out there and walk (better yet run!) on the road God has called you to travel." It's going to be an interesting journey.

A Good Day

2010-08-09T01:43:00.000-04:00

I'm up writing this post a little late for a Sunday night. I'm exhausted. The long shopping day would be enough to drain anyone, but you add the Texas heat and I am worn smooth out. My bed is calling my name and I know the alarm is going to go off all to early for a Monday, and Monday's are never very kind. I always mourn my weekend a little bit in these last few minutes before I crawl into bed.

But this weekend was a good weekend. Today, especially, was a good day. And it's too easy to forget the good days, so that's why I'm up, past my Sunday night bedtime, writing this post. To remember a good day.

Today I loved worshipping next to my best friend and hear her truly anointed voice singing out, full of passion and hunger for our God. I just stepped back a minute, trying to soak in God's presence and the blessing of getting to witness someone pour out their best to Him.

I loved hearing my Pastor speak on being part of the body of Christ and how vital we really are to one another. His enthusiasm for the church and knowledge of the scripture are two qualities I am so thankful He possesses. He challenged me to go deeper into the word as He described a man he met that had the entire new testament memorized. Hearing that testimony makes me hunger more for the word of God.

I loved shopping with some of my co-workers this afternoon. And as much as I love Anthropologie and Sephora and Whole Foods Market and DSW Shoes, I have to say the best part of the whole excursion was the realization that I love the women I am privileged to work with every day. I love my boss. I think it no small thing that I can work all week with them and still spend one of my only days off with the same people- and have an absolute blast. Those women are a treat, at work or at play, and God is so good to have placed me where I am. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that.

So I'm exhausted right now. But I'm very, very grateful. I hope your weekend was as wonderful as mine! And I hope Monday is kind to you!!

Caffeinated Randomness

2010-08-06T08:44:00.000-04:00

It has felt like an unbearably long week this week. I blame it on the heat, because, really no one is loving on 100+ degree temps anyways, so it's an easy target. It has been one of the hottest summer's in my recent memory, the kind that make me want to hibernate in an igloo until October arrives. It's pretty bad.

But thankfully, it's Friday, and there is a fabulous weekend on the horizon. While Saturday I don't plan on doing much (except trying to stay cool), Sunday I have a fun little shopping excursion planned with some of my friends from work. We are heading south to Dallas where I will partake in the joys of Anthropologie and Sephora. I also have it on good authority that the dining will be fantastic. Oh, and Whole Foods will be involved as well.

Have I mentioned that I am absolutely in love with Audrey Assad's album The House You're Building? Because it is unbelievably fantastic. Her voice is stunning but she makes it sound effortless and her lyrics are the kind that you can listen to over and over and still glean all kinds of truth and wisdom from every time. If you've never heard of her, imagine Brooke Fraser meets Nichole Nordeman meets Ingrid Michaelson meets Sara Bareilles. Made of awesome, she is. And if you have iTunes you can download the title song from The House You're Building for free this week. So really, you have no excuse.

Also in the world of FREE and MUSIC, you really should go to Noisetrade and download Thad Cockrell's To Be Loved. I love the folky vibe he has, and his voice is quirky and amazing. Also, I think I would have downloaded it just for the fact that on the site it said his album was for fans of: the smell of fall, singing, hope, joy, and drumbeats. And seriously, who isn't a fan of those things? So there you go.

Happy Friday all, and check out more Randomness at Andrea's.

This Thought Makes Me Shudder

2010-08-04T23:43:00.001-04:00

If it's true that we make time for and spend money on what we value most then I'm afraid I value a lot of wasteful, petty, temporal, carnal, cheap things.

My value system needs a paradigm shift. I've been saying it a lot on this blog and possibly even more in my heart and in my prayers, but I just don't want to stay the same.

I want to value eternal things, and things like beauty and love and well-written and well-spoken words. I want to treasure community and openness and truth and redemption.

Instead of living in a space littered with cheap trinkets and eventual garage sale castoffs, I want to furnish my space with beautiful, meaningful things.

Instead of wasting time I want to redeem the time.

Instead of taking, I want to give.

Instead of complaining, I want to encourage.

But, for now, I don't value those things like I should. What I spend my time doing, what I spend my money on, what I fill my room and my day and my calendar with tell a different story.

But I want to change. I want to want those things.

And hopefully that's something. The start of a paradigm shift in me.

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8-9 The Message

300 Posts Down, So What's Next?

2010-08-03T22:49:00.003-04:00

You know what it's like when you reach a big milestone birthday, like 21 or 30, and you wake up that morning and feel pretty much the same as the day before? Yeah, that's kinda how I'm feeling with this milestone post. 300. That's a whole lot of random, music and movie lovin', LOST analyzing, here's what God is doing in my life lately, Saturday's rock kind of words. But, nah, I don't feel any different. Not about how much space I've filled in the blogosphere, anyways.

What I'm thinking about, instead, is where I want to go next, blogwise. My blog has been a lot like my life (stating the obvious, it's a gift). Sometimes all I really have the energy for is the random, trivial stuff like movie quotes and what I did with my weekend and how much I love sleep. Other times I am overflowing with God stuff and I just have to share it with someone. There are times when the blog is silent because I feel like there is nothing, absolutely nothing, worth telling or permanently recording in blog form. When I'm in a depressed funk, I retreat, hesitant to spread my miserable attitude like a virus across the web. When life is awesome I can post and post and post and fill a month's worth of days with what's going on in my heart and mind and life. But now, here on the blog, as well as in my life, I want to be more consistent.

I'm changing lately, at least I hope I am. I don't want to be the girl who retreats or remains silent or avoids whatever muck she has found herself caught up in at the time. I want to be the girl who looks for God even in the muck, who feels what she's feeling and can flesh it out in life and then put that into words. Because deep down I know there is great liberty in confessing my faults, and there is potential growth in recording where I am at. Many times over the last two years I've re-read different posts and those times of my life wash up in my mind like waves on a seashore. It's visceral, the reminders, and I am there again, seeing and feeling and thinking about what God did back then, how He worked through my life, or how I wrecked it by doing it my own way. And over the last two years I can look back and see holes in the timeline. My memory isn't strong enough to recall those times on my own and I wish I had been courageous enough to record them here. It's a sad thing to imagine those times are kind of gone forever.

And then there's the hope that somehow what I write might impact you. There are people I've met through this blog and the blogs that I adore reading who have become great friends and confidants and inspirations. There is nothing like "meeting" someone through a blog who lives halfway across the country and loves what you love and struggles with what you struggle with and gets you. That is such a gift, one that I'm afraid I've taken for granted. So many of you give way more of yourselves than I give back. I may never catch up but I hope I can bless all of you like you've blessed me.

So I want to keep writing here, recording the thought process and life experiences and the lessons God teaches me together with the mess ups and the struggles and the victories and lest I ever forget, the weekends and the music and the random. And I hope, really hope, you want to journey with me. 300 is just the beginning. I can't wait to see what's next.

Brave

2010-08-02T02:00:00.002-04:00

I've alway kind of been a wuss.

I sheepishly proclaimed it the other day at the nail salon, where a friend and I were getting pedicures. As my friend soothed her dog tired feet in the hot bubbling water I timidly put mine in before recoiling them like a child who touches a hot burner on the stove. "Too hot?" the manicurist next to us asked. My response was an embarassed yes with the confession that I was just a wuss, secretly hoping he would mercifully adjust the temperature. "Oh, she's fine," my friend assured him and she sunk her feet down deeper, clearly enjoying torture of water temperatures bordering on that of the lake of fire. I sheepishly, gingerly willed my feet back in the fiery water. The rest of the pedicure was a sheer delight and I chalked my balking over hot water to a matter of my wimpy nature. If only it was limited to water temperature preferences.

I've called it by different names, shy, cautious, timid. But really to call it what it is we'd be better off going with wuss, fearful, coward, people pleaser. Everybody always says they never realized until... but seriously, I never realized until recently how huge this fear dictated every move I make and most every word I say (and type). I say things I really don't want to say to be pleasing or interesting or accepted. I don't say things I really should say for very similar reasons. I will go or not go certain places and do or not do certain things, all because I don't do well with rejection, disapproval and all the other things that make me a terminal people pleaser, a wuss, if you will.

Some people who know me probably won't belive my confession here. To some, I'm bold and brash, a little too forthright. It's true, I can be. If I feel comfortable and powerful around certain, small, select groups of people, I'm a bold woman. I say big things, shocking, blunt, to the point kinds of things and I feel good saying them. But even some of those bold, blunt things are things I really don't want to say. I don't truly want to be mean for the sake of being blunt and "honest". I don't want to use humor that cuts, or share tidbits of gossip that might tear down. So even the bold, forthright Kara that some people know is still, deep down an insecure, people-pleasing Kara. Strange, isn't it?

Lately, though, something in me, something I am thinking might be God, gives me pause when I say the hurtful things, and that very same stirring tickles the closed up parts of my soul when I know I should speak up and the timid Kara is holding back. And I've come to realize that this feeling, this God-inspired nudge is bravery. And it feels very much at odds with Kara the wuss.

What I find amazing (and at the same time reassuring) is that I see stirrings like that all around the blog world. I read men and women with hearts on their sleeve and souls laid bare sharing their real selves, broken and in need of mending, stirred and unashamed, worn out and raw and bleeding and brave. And so maybe, just maybe, this really is a God thing that I'm feeling. Perhaps He is calling a whole lot of us out of fear of being found out as wusses and pharisees and hot messes into an wide open place. A place where we can confess what's inside and find real healing. And that is really what I want. To not be the same. To be healed.

So I hope I'll be more brave. Brave on this blog and brave at my church and brave with my friends and brave at work. Bravery I'm sure is far from an easy thing. But maybe that's why God's calling us all to do it, because it's hard, because it's going to require more of us than we can give, which leads us back to Him, again and again and again.