It's Never Too Late

I will be 35 in 3 weeks. 5 years ago I kind of freaked out about turning 30. I don't know why it is that our twenties are something we want to hold on to so much, but I had 29 in a stranglehold and did not want to let it go for dear life. My thirties, I was sure, were going to be dreadful. I guess, in part, it was because I had such high hopes for my twenties and so many things just didn't pan out. And I think its those feelings that are welling up again. My hopes for the first half of my thirties haven't panned out. I'm still not married. And I still don't have children. I'm still fat and I'm still in debt and I'm still pretty much right where I was 5 years ago, 10 years ago.

And it's just that, I have a schedule. At least I thought I did. The husband-- he was supposed to come along mid-twenties. The kids-- they were supposed to start arriving about 3 years later and keep coming up through now. The ministry opportunities-- they should have exploded around 30. The debt-- it should have been far removed along with the extra pounds I carried and added to year after year. My schedule has mocked me with item after item left unchecked. And so, 35, you depress me.

I tell God my anxious thoughts, and even the ones left unspoken He knows as well (there are a lot of them). He knows how I fret over whether I'll find a husband in time to still be able to have children. He knows how I feel so far behind with weight to lose and debts to pay off and on an on. And sometimes I think, maybe, just maybe, it's all too late. Maybe it's not going to happen at all. That I've missed my chance.

And I know that all sounds a little self-pitying and self-absorbed and a whole lot of other self things that perhaps make a mockery of this faith I possess. But it's where I've been and it's the honest truth and there's no concealing it from God anyway.

A couple weeks ago I went with some co-workers to a Jesus Culture concert (though concert just isn't really the right word, more like worship event?) and the very first song was Come Away. Tears were welling up even before the first chord was struck and I knew God was moving in my heart already, though I didn't know why. And then the words came, Come away with me....come away with me...It's never too late...It's not too late...it's not too late for you....I have a plan for you....

It was in that instant that I felt God saying to my heart, lay down your schedule, lay down your plans, because I have a plan for you. A plan that is right on time, a plan you're not too late for, a plan that is unfolding now...


After the initial healing those words brought, I've been going through the process of walking out it's truth. Fighting those old thoughts and feelings, dealing with the reality I see. And it's not easy, choosing each day to walk by faith rather than by what my eyes see, what my mind thinks, what my personal calendar demands. But they, I'm learning, have nothing to do with faith. I bathe my mind and soul in the promises of His plans for me. I have to. They're my new lifeline. I refuse to dread 35.

Here's the song...