Random Dozen: But First, A Little Lostiness

Crazy Claire=Awesome TV.

Hurley and Jacob= best television pairing on this show since Locke and Ben, or Sawyer and Juliet (long live Juliet!).

I heart Jacob more than you can imagine. And I'll be perfectly honest, I'm kinda crushing on him (but maybe that's because this episode was desperately lacking in some Sawyer). These last couple episodes make me want like two or three more seasons of LOST including the sideways world/parallel universe stuff.

I can't believe it's going to be over in 3 months!!!!!!!! No. I can't think about that. I'm in denial.

Here are some scattered, not completely coherent thoughts (read: my brain is still mush). 108 on Jacob's compass thing in the lighthouse has to be Desmond, right? That's what I'm thinking (and hoping, because I really miss him). Next thought: Wouldn't it be the coolest if in the sideways world Jack's ex wife is Juliet? That's what I'm hoping anyways. And one day after dropping her son off at school she'll run into to sideways world Sawyer and they'll go get some coffee (they can go dutch!). Next thought: Will this show please reunited Jin and Sun before he gets a axe through the gut via Crazy Claire (man did they give her a great storyline after being missing for two seasons). Don't you know the only person on the island who would be a match for Crazy Claire is SunIhaven'tseenmyhusbandinthreeyears Kwon? She would take that girl down if she lays a dirty, creepy finger on her man. I am hoping somehow Jin and Sawyer can get away from NotLocke and Crazy Claire and team up with Ilana, Sun, Ben and Frank and join forces with Hurley, Jack and (I guess) Kate. This is shaping up to be the AWEsomest season of LOST.

But ya'll are here for Random Dozen, aren't you? So sorry.

1. Have you ever fired a gun or shot a bow and arrow? No

2. Do you know where your childhood best friends are? Yes. One lives here in my hometown and is a hairdresser, one lives in Oklahoma City and is getting her master's, another lives in Florida and we reconnected on Facebook a couple years ago. I guess those three would be my childhood besties.

3. Do you usually arrive early, late, or on time? If it's up to me, I'm early or ontime. But if you throw my mom into the mix then I'm. always.late.

4. Are you more of a New York or California type? I'm gonna say New York. Though I've never been there. I just know I'm not California-y.

5. Do you have a special ring tone? Right now it's Needtobreathe's Something Beautiful.

6. What is your favorite type of chip? Cape Cod Kettle cooked Original Less Fat Potato Chips. Crunchy salty potatoey goodness. Also Cheetos.

7. Best comedy you've ever seen is .... The Office Seasons 2 and 3.

8. Have you ever cut your own hair? To quote Dr. Phil, "How'd that work for ya?" When I was a kid I decided I would cut my bangs. Yeah.

9. If you were going to have an extreme makeover, would you rather it be about your house or your personal self? Both please!

10. Are you allergic to anything? Cleaning. Being awake before sunrise. Mold. CSI Miami. Yeah, I think that's about it.

11. Why is it so hard to change? Because humans crave comfort and stability. Change kinda yanks the rug out from under comfort and stability.

12. One last question dedicated to February love: CS Lewis said, "To love is to be vulnerable." Please share one example of that assertion or share any thought you'd like to about this topic. I hate being vulnerable. At least in real life. So, um, yeah. But I totally agree with C.S. Lewis.

Well that's that. Another Random Dozen down. Hope you non Losties didn't feel lost by my opening paragraphs. And all you LOST fans, leave me your thoughts in the comments! I never get tired of talking about it. NEVER.

You can link up with your very own random dozen (and read more wonderful bloggers own answers as well) over at Lid's. Happy Wednesday!!!!

This week...

This week I'm looking forward to....

1. LOST

2. Snow showers tomorrow

3.Bible Study Recap with Critty Joy tonight!

4. Psych

5. Seeing some family I haven't seen in a while

6. Getting new movies from Netflix

7. Getting back to Jillian

8. Being off work on Saturday

9. The Olympics being over (don't hate on me, please!)

10. Catching up on some blog reading (I've missed you!)

I am ready for a better week than last week. I'm ready for good news instead of bad news. I'm ready for a cleaner room and earlier mornings and days without headaches. And even though I said I am excited about snow showers this week I am also equally excited that spring is on it's way. I am ready to make this day better than yesterday.

Happy Monday all!

Caffeinated Randomness and a Very Sassy Singles Linkup!

First of all, to all of you who commented on the last post and prayed for Jacob's family and friends, I want to thank you. God's hand was on everything concerning his funeral this week. It was sad, terribly sad, but God broke through the sadness, I could feel him like sunlight. He is good.

A month or so ago, my twin Critty posted the start of a 5000 questions survey. Being a fan of the bandwagon, I decided I wanted to do this too. And I've had well meaning plans of starting, but also being a fan of procrastination, I didn't get around to it. But this week, with all it's heaviness, sadness (and hope), the 5000 question survey seemed a perfect amount of levity to end the week. Also, I'm linking up at Exemplify on the Singles Channel today. If you are a sassy single you should link up today too!

And now on to the questions. Just think, thanks to the 5000 question survey, sometime mid-July 2024, you'll know all there is to know about me. Exciting, right?



1. Who are you? Daughter of the King. Hopeful dreamer masquerading as a realist. An introvert in extrovert's clothing. A wannabe writer. Danny and Janey's daughter. Jenna's sister. Fiercely loyal. Regretfully fearful. Undying fan of weekends.

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? I love Jesus. I am single. I think tuna fish sandwiches are dreadful.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? Working. Writing. Stalking, er, connecting with friends on Facebook. Watching tv. Perusing iTunes for new music. Hanging out with my mom. Wondering how many days are there until the next weekend. Figuring Weight Watchers points in my head. Regretting that second piece of cake. Studying the word of God. Putting off doing laundry. Sleeping. Yeah, I think that's about it.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time). English, History, Government, Art, Journalism-- all winners, Biology(in high school it ranked higher, thanks to a great teacher, in college not so much), Chemistry, Latin all fall in the middle, and Math takes the bottom rung. I still hate Math.

5. What is your biggest goal for this year? {Live.Obey.Love.Believe.}


6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? I want to be married with children, still writing.

7. What stage of life are you in right now? Waiting and hoping, and planning and praying.

8. Are you more child-like or childish? I hope child-like. Is making snow angels more child-like or childish?

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? I have to take my shower now. (I said to my mom, not to myself, which would be odd and weird).

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? This is Your Life by Switchfoot.

There is more caffeinated randomness at Andrea's. Also don't forget about linking up at the Singles Channel on Exemplify as well! Happy weekend, all!

Without A Glimmer

Yesterday, I woke up in a better mood than the day before. The sun was shining, Valentine's day was over, I had a great quiet time. However, I know Mondays are notorious for being bad. So I typed a little cute quip on my Facebook page about Monday not bullying me around. Like I dared it or something. Quick lesson learned: Never dare a Monday.

Five minutes later I got a call. You know the kind. It was my best friend's mother, who never calls me on a Monday morning just to chat. She asked me if I had heard any news that day. At first, and maybe because the call was a little static filled I thought she was asking if I had turned on the tv and watched the news. No, I said. I hadn't. She proceeded to tell me about a guy that I knew, a guy that I had grown up with and worked alongside in the youth group 10 years ago. A guy that had come to see me in November about getting a youth reunion together. A guy that I wasn't really friends with now, but had been. She told me that he had shot himself. And somehow, maybe because of that darn static, I didn't hear her quite well. "Is he going to be okay?" I asked. "No, Kara. He's dead." She asked me who else she should call, not knowing who in our church had known Jacob (he hadn't attended in 7 or 8 years), and who would know his family. I told her to call our pastor's wife and a woman in our church who was a close friend of Jacob's mother. It was all a blur. My mind was reeling.

I managed to end the call with calmness, and called for my mom downstairs. By the time I came out to the landing I was in tears. I told her Jacob was dead and that he had killed himself. She too, was shocked. Why did he do it? Why did he kill himself? More than any other personal tragedy, suicide overwhelms me like no other. And suicide by a Christian? It downright dumbfounds me.

My dad started working at a funeral home last October. My mom started to call him and got no answer. Even though there are two other prominent funeral homes in town, I knew, I just knew that the one my dad worked for would be the one Jacob went to. I found out later in the morning it was my dad who went to the house to pick Jacob up. He had no idea before he got to the house it was going to be someone he knew. The first time he'd picked up someone he knew personally. The first time he'd picked up a gunshot victim. The first time he'd picked up a suicide. I don't know how he did it.

So on Wednesday, my friend gets his youth reunion. The old youth pastor we both worked under will do the service and all of us will be there. But Jacob won't. That breaks my heart. I'm sad because I really didn't know Jacob all that well anymore and I didn't realize he was in a place where he was desperate and sad and angry enough to take his own life. I'm sad that his family has lost a son and a brother and an uncle. I'm devastated that he felt hopeless when the hope of Christ dwelt in him.

In my life I've struggled with depression. I've had dark moments, dark days, when I wanted my life to be over. In those times, however, I've had the glimmer, that dot of light that was hope. Hope in Christ. Hope that life would get better, and that it this too would pass. And today, right now, I'm struck with a sadness knowing Jacob didn't feel that same glimmer.

Please pray for Earnest, our youth pastor, he was very very close to Jacob. He'll need more grace than I can fathom tomorrow when he does the service. Pray for my dad that the images in his mind would somehow be erased, and that he can help with Jacob's funeral like he needs to. Pray for Jacob's brothers and sister-in-law and mother and father and step-parents, especially his mother who was there at the time of his suicide. Pray for his friends and the youth that he worked with and every person in his life that today is feeling his absence like a void in their hearts. Pray for me.

Never dare a Monday.

Like Blood Through My Veins

This morning, in my bible reading, two separate scriptures jumped out at me. One in the Psalms and one in Mark. They are perfect bookends for one another.

His heart pumps God's Word like blood through his veins. Psalm 37:31a the message


Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins. Mark 11:22-25 the message


How like God to remind me on a Monday, when all the obligations and demands of a new week are vying for my attention, of the most important things: His word and prayer. The cornerstones of my life.

I can't get over the imagery of God's word pumping through my veins. The notion that I would let His holy scriptures course through every part of me, cleansing and transforming me into the woman He's called me to be. To let it be as vital a part of me as life giving blood.

While my studying and reading of the Word has been strong this year, I have to confess that my prayer life has been somewhat lacking. I throw up quick, short prayers most days. When a need arises I don't hesitate to bring into His throne room of grace, but I fail to stop and linger there awhile. It's to my shame. There are needs, real, serious needs in my life and the lives of those around me, that should be bathed in prayer. And in this scripture he commands me not only to bring those big things, but the little things as well. That hearkens me back to a time when I was a child and nothing was too small to bring to the Lord, everything seemed big, seemed worthy of his attention. I want to be like that again.

So that's my prayer this week, above all the other things: That I would be a woman whose heart pumps the Word of God like blood through my veins. That I would be a woman who embraces the God life in prayers for absolutely everything, from large to small.

What I Learned Today

I've kind of had a self pitying day. I think it's to be expected, as a single girl on Valentine's day, so I didn't really want to let on that I felt this way. I let myself have a fabulous three hour nap this afternoon. I watched tv with my parents and made an amazing, homemade french onion soup (all by myself, ya'll!). But I still had that feeling. That empty, yearning ache that reminded me that I was alone, and that I didn't like it, and I was missing out on something.

So I've been nursing it. That feeling of self-pity. You get almost a self-righteous sense of validation and ownership of it after awhile. Like it's my right as an almost 33 year old single woman alone on Valentine's Day. It's my right to feel this way, to let it soak into my abnormally happy heart, and let it fester.

I stayed away from the internet all day, from Facebook and blogs and the like. Built myself into a self-pitying, self-centered cocoon where I don't have to let anyone in. After all, I'm justified in feeling this way, and the happily married, together, satisfied people might corrupt my feelings.

Or so I thought.

While I was feeling all center of my universe and whatnot, my boss was mourning the loss of her beloved dog of 13 years. Another friend had just discovered that an old classmate died in his sleep the night before. That's just two, fresh instances of real sadness in my world, and they both ripped my cocoon wide open. It sort of made my shallow sadness over another lonely Valentine's look a bit pale by comparison.

Life is harder than I sometimes give it credit for. I like to think my problems, sorrows, hurts, and trials are the be all end all of feeling and focus. My sadness, my loneliness, my heartbreak. That's a small world view.

When I started out this year, dedicated to trust and obey, I learned very quickly that a big chunk of the obey part was found in being a person who loved. You really can't love well in a cocoon. I belong to these people, with their hurts and devastation and loss, just like I belong to you with your hurts, hopes, sorrows. We all belong to each other, and our chief duty is to love, and love without stopping.

So I can't really feel sorry for myself, in my little cocoon of self-pity, when there are bigger hurts and troubles in the people I love.

My world just got a little bigger.

Love....

"Friendship is acting out God's love for people in tangible ways. We were made to represent the love of God in each other's lives, so that each person we walk through life with has a more profound sense of God's love for them." Shauna Neiquest {from her fabulous book Cold Tangerines, which dares me to be a better writer every time I read it}

His love is the first and last word in everything we do....

1 Corinthians 5:11 the message

Don't run up debt's except for the huge debt of love you owe each other. When you love others you complete what the law has been after all along....you can't go wrong when you love others. When you add up everything in the law code, the total sum is love.

Romans 13:8 the message

I Can See Clearly Now the Migraine's Gone

I slept 10 brilliant, sweet, almost completely uninterrupted hours last night. Yesterday I had a migraine. I am girl who has had migraines and other various evil headaches since I was a little girl, so you'd think I'd be used to them. But I'm not. Being that I was off work most of the day before, I knew I couldn't take off on Friday. Flu season is still in full swing, a nasty stomach virus is going around and I have a vacation this summer to consider. I could not have any superfluous days off. So I stayed at work and I suffered and I think I may have done some actual work. Maybe.

For doing such a good job staying alive and awake during a tormenting migraine, I went to bed early, and prayed that another migraine wouldn't dash my Saturday. The ten hours of sleep was sweet, but not as sweet as waking in my bed, headache free, ready to start the day. I have tons of laundry to do, a room to clean, a kitchen to clean, a movie to see, soup to make, grocery shopping to do, friends to school in Words with Friends (except my sister, dang if she can't beat me every time, and I'm the woman who loves words!!) and a mom to hang out with. It's going to be full.

I love Saturdays.

Caffeinated Random: All You Need is Love

Snow! Snow! Snow!

That was my intro. Do you like it? I worked on it all day yesterday. Because today's randomness I wanted to share some things that I am particularly loving right now and snow is right up there at the top (right behind LOST and chocolate, so you know). I have really enjoyed this unexpectedly awesome snowfall. As of last night we had about 6 inches and it was still coming down. I even got half a day off of work in the bargain, so win win.

At the store I work in we get lots of cute stuff in all the time. Right now something I am really digging is the cute designs from curly girl design. Sooooooo cute, ya'll. This one in particular is my favoritest of them all.

And there are lots more cute designs. They have cards, plaques, matted prints, napkins, supercute necklaces and lots more. I'm in love. Just one more, I can't resist:

Whilst perusing iTunes new releases this week I came upon a gem of an ep from Brandi Carlile. It's called XOBC and it is about as adorable as it can be. All sweetness without the saccharine. Seriously. Five songs sweet and fitting for a valentine's weekend (and I don't even have a valentine, still I cannot get enough of these songs). She does a cover of The Beatles' All You Need is Love that is fabulous. My favorite track has got to be Way to You. I have this one short line from that song stuck in my head about learning to love what God gives to you. Which is a lesson I'm trying to learn. Who knew, tucked in a valentine's themed love cd, I would find such wise truths?

Also, you should know, I am loving my Ruth study. I'm only two days in and already have gotten a heaping helping of God's good truth. Just check this little morsel out: "The great pastor and scholar, Warren Wiersbe, made this moving statement, "How sad it is when people only hear about God's blessing, but never experience it, because they are not in the place where God can bless them." Out to the side of that profound little paragraph I wrote, "Oh Snap!" Because, ya'll? That stepped all over my toes. I have a feeling that's going to happen a lot in this study.

So that's what I'm in love with right now. Snow, Curly Girl, Brandi Carlile's new cd, and the Ruth study. What are you loving right now?

Oh, and as much as I try I cannot resist Bradley Cooper's blue eyes or his dimples. Seriously, the man could rob me blind and I'd be begging him to come over some time for coffee. Hence, I will be seeing his movie, Valentine's Day, in which I'm sure he's only in five minutes of, this weekend. I've already suffered through All About Steve, so, you know, maybe he did rob me blind once. Or at least took 95 minutes of my life I can never get back. That movie kind of stunk. But Caffeinated Randomness does not stink. It rocks. And Andrea our fabulous host, has more CR for you to enjoy.

Thoughts on a Snowy Day

It snowed again today. Still is, actually. I think this makes the fifth, or maybe sixth time this winter. I never get over how beautiful it is. I am fairly certain there is nothing as exquisite as snow falling. It's simple and it's breathtaking, the way only God created things truly are.

Today's snowfall is particularly lovely. The temperature is hovering just above freezing and the snow is wet but falling hard and fast, and it has covered everything quickly. The branches of trees are draped thick and white, the ground is blanketed, leaving no trace of the ugly, brown dead grass. In a few short hours snow has made an ugly winter beautiful.

A facebook friend of mine remarked how this snow is kind of like God in that respect. He takes ugly things and makes them beautiful. How very true. God takes plain things and makes them stunningly beautiful. He takes a heart, dry and drab and unbecoming, and makes it into something that shimmers and glitters with love. His love.

His love covers over our multitude of sins, like white, bright, heavenly snow falling on barren trees. His grace blankets our drab existence. It wholly changes the landscape of our unremarkable lives into something that is remarkable.

But where the snow that I am so enjoying this Thursday afternoon will melt in a couple of days, His change in us is permanent. Because what God does is more than cover. His love permeates. He invades. He transforms. So I'm no longer drab ground. I'm stunning in pure white love. I'm made over, glistening and new.

Come, let us talk about these things. Though your sins are like scarlet, they can be as white as snow...(from Isaiah 1:18 New Century Version)

Whiter than snow. It's something to behold.

Surprised By Joy

I've been in an unseasonably good mood. Winter is a stereotypically depressing for Kara season, you know? Blame it on the gray, or the lack of flowers, or all the baggy shapeless sweaters, but I usually want to make like a bear and hibernate until mid-March. And if I don't get a handle on it, the depression snowballs into something ugly and fierce that lasts well past summer. That's how it was for me last year, and like a lot of other years before.

But this year-- this year is different. And it's kind of unnerving. Last Sunday night I realized I was actually sort of happy. Happy for no reason. I felt calm, but also joyful, peaceful and hopeful. Being the type of person that has to analyze and understand everything I instantly had to get to the bottom of such euphoric feelings. I needed some cold, hard evidence for feeling the way I have been feeling.

It finally occurred to me that this is all God. He has birthed a hope in my heart that is rooted in something deeper than circumstances and truer than my view of winter. I was even chatting with a friend about it Monday evening, about how cool that God would do such a thing, and how wonderful it felt to be experiencing it at this point in my life. A time that has come after some dark, depressing days.

Yet it still unnerved me. And at first I couldn't figure out why. But as I searched my heart, I think I've figured it out.

Somewhere deep in my soul I truly believed certain things had to be in place in my life before I could truly be happy. You know the things: a husband, a thin, healthy body, children, a successful ministry, a thriving writing career. Those big, yet to be realized things. I know that those things aren't a true source of joy. Only God is. But still, in my irrational heart, I harbored these feelings. Because none of these things have materialized in my life, I've been like a cd stuck on repeat, echoing the same bitterness of hopes deferred year after year. Me and my quest for happiness seemed to be at a standoff.

Until this year.

God likes to shake things up, I've come to realize. Here I've been holding onto some untruths, fine tuning them in my soul, stubbornly maintaining that this is the only way my life can be fulfilling. But God has totally different plans. Before He ever intended to bring into fruition those things He knew he was going to bring me the happiness I thought couldn't exist on it's own. A happiness devoid of anything tangible, anything I had labeled as happy and fulfilling. It's just like Him to do that.

So it makes no sense, not if you are on the outside looking in, for this shimmering happiness and joy that I have. But God planted it, in me, an unlikely candidate. All I can do is be grateful.

He has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy....May that be my testimony in this season of my life.

Random Dozen: Valentine's Schmalentine's

Why is it that the Kate episodes of LOST are always so lame? That question is not one of the random dozen but I had to share it here. Seriously, only about 3 minutes of the entire episode were awesome (and I come to expect a full episode of awesome when I watch LOST). All will be forgiven by next week, I'm sure. And I will say there was something about Kate's face when Claire said Aaron that made me think she had some flicker of recognition about her parrallel life with Aaron, de ja vu or something. Which makes the flash sideways very interesting for me. So I won't call this episode a filler episode, I will NEVER say that about a LOST episode. Even a Kate episode rocks harder than an episode of CSI Miami.

Anyways, on with the random, because I know a lot of you are bored already.

Are you pleasant when you're ill, or are you a grumpy, fussy patient? I pretty much want to be left alone when I'm ill, so I guess if people are bothering me I'm grumpy.

2. When you find out that school is canceled (due to inclement weather) what is your gut reaction? Jealousy. I want snow days too!

3. What is one domestic skill you wish you could improve? Anything involving deep cleaning, which I stink at. Also, I wish I could sew, and I can't, so I guess you can only improve upon that, right?

4. Do you decorate your home for Valentine's Day? No.

5. What song is on your mind today? I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas, and I blame last week's episode of Parks and Recreation. Is it just me or is that show getting better?

6. Do you prefer contemporary movies or classic? I really love them both and you can't make me choose.

7. How well do you "compartmentalize" your feelings? For example, how well can you put aside a really trying moment to deal with the immediate situation which is not related to the trying moment, e.g., putting aside a tiff with your spouse in order to finish wallpapering a room. Unfortunately not well. I am a wear my emotions on my sleeve, face and everywhere else kind of person, and I can't seem to let some things go. It's called being a flawed human.

8. What is the first thing that attracted you to your spouse? (Or if you're single, to your best friend.) I don't know if there was anything per se that attracted me to my best friend. We both have a love for Jesus and music, so that is what brought us together.

9. When was the last time your heart raced? When LOST came on tv last night.

10. What are your memories of Valentine's Day at school? Eh.

11. If you were going to receive candy for Valentine's Day, which would you prefer? Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate!!

12. Red or pink? Red is my favorite color, and pink is my second favorite color. So there.

And there you have it, another random dozen complete. Gotta be honest I'm not so comfortable talking so much about Valentine's day. Not exactly my favorite holiday. The only thing I'm looking forward to on February 14th is Amazing Race. Anyways. There is more random dozen over at Lid's. You can even link up and everything!

Weekends With Cheesecake Never Cease to Delight Me

So, Superbowl not withstanding, my weekend was the tops. I utterly enjoyed my dad's birthday trip to Fort Worth, complete with shoe shopping, a movie (with butter popcorn, of course!) and a yummy dinner. The more I hang out with my parents the more I come to realize they truly are my best friends (as well as my sister!). Crazy Heart turned out to be a better movie than I expected. But considering my expectations were low that isn't exactly saying much. Jeff Bridges truly deserves the accolades he has received for portraying Bad Blake. The man can sing! And Collin Farrell, whom I pretty well loathe, was a great singer too. Dinner was fantastic, complete with both cheesecake and carrot cake to finish it off (you can never go wrong with those two desserts).

I also went to Lifeway and picked up Ruth: loss, love and legacy. It's a Living Room Series bible study by Kelly Minter. A superspecial bloggy friend and I are doing this study together, and I can't wait to see what we are going to glean from what has to be my favorite story in the Bible. First off, is that not the cutest cover of a bible study you've ever seen? Seriously, I want those shoes. And that skirt. And maybe even that wallpaper. Supercute in every possible way. I read the introduction on the way to dinner last night and got so excited to get started, I love the way Kelly writes. She has now officially been added to my Who Would You Invite to Dinner hypothetical dinner party guest list. So as of now she would be in the company of Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer, Needtobreathe, Paula Deen, Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, James "Sawyer" Ford (tell me fictitious people are allowed to hypothetical dinner parties?), Juliet Burke (even dead fictitious people), C.S. Lewis, all my bloggy friends and yours truly. Sounds like an awesome dinner party, no? Aren't you glad you're all invited?

Even though my devotion to Peyton Manning remains intact, I am happy for New Orleans and their beloved Saints. I truly am. It was a long time coming, and I would never begrudge them this victory. Good job Saints! But don't expect me to say Who D--. It ain't happenin'. Seriously though, was that image of Drew Brees holding his son not the most precious thing you have ever seen? Even my non-sentimental, non-mushy dad thought so. And the Google commercial was almost as adorable. That might have been the first time a Superbowl commercial ever made me say "Awwww".


And it may be a bit premature, but I'm actually looking forward to a new week (including Monday, and for no particular reason, except maybe that my mom is making tortellini and italian sausage soup and it's a favorite of mine.) Hope yours is a good one!

Ode to My Dad on His Birthday

(try as he may, my dad never poses well for pics )

Today my dad turns 62. I tried and tried last night to write him a fitting post, something sentimental and lengthy, like all those posts I write for my mom and sister on their respective birthdays, but nothing would come out right. It's my dad's fault. I know he wouldn't want something mushy and sentimental, and of course, some brevity would be in order. So this is my ode to dad:

Happy birthday to my old enough to draw social security dad. There's no one else in the world I love discussing football, submarines, cold war conspiracies, history, local news, politics, weather, family and LOST with more than you. And while I'll never understand your deep abiding love for country music, or your enjoyment of the wretched show that is Two and a Half Men, I will always say you're my favorite dad. Because you are (my only dad).

Happy Birthday!!!

Caffeinated Randomness: Birthdays and Superbowls and Inventory oh my!

I have never been so happy to see an upcoming weekend in all my life. This week at work we have been conducting our annual inventory. It's my responsibility to input all those counts in the computer and then double check them for accuracy. There is a part of me that likes taking a count (I blame it on my control-freak side) and of course a part of me that likes being in charge (again see control-freak side) but there is no part of me that appreciates 11 hour work days. I am utterly exhausted.

{Then you add in the mind meld that was LOST this week, and basically every part of me is mush. I haven't really had a chance to read a lot of recaps of the episode, but I plan to. Maybe somebody has been able to make better sense of it than I have. All I know is I will never get over the genius of producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. Never ever.}

This weekend is especially exciting, though, because it's my dad's birthday. We are going to leave our little town for some fun and excitement. And by fun and excitement I mean dinner and a movie. Dad really wants to see Crazy Heart, and I'm just gonna have to go with it because I have no idea if it will be good or not. I think my dad entertains the notion that since it's about a country singer it will be like Pure Country. I'm thinking that no movie that wins SAG awards and Golden Globes for it's acting will be anything like Pure Country. But I'm not telling my dad that. It's his birthday after all.

So that's really all I have. Oh, and go Colts, because after all I'm a Peyton Manning fan (I'm sorry but I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching the absurd Oreo commercial where he and his equally adorable brother Eli take down the twin Trumps. It's okay if you think that makes me weird. And even if he didn't make that commercial he is still the best football player who ever lived, ever, so again, go Colts).

Happy weekend all. Over at Andrea's there is more random.

Random Dozen: The Morning After LOST

My brain still isn't functioning properly after it was blown completely to shreds last night with the season premiere of the final season of LOST. This is only natural when dealing with Smoke Monster Locke and Alternate Universes and finally seeing that temple everyone keeps talking about and wondering whether or not that's really Sayid or if it's Jacob inhabiting Sayid's body. Not to mention seeing Charlie, Boone and Claire again, figuring out why Desmond was on flight 815 (could it be because he was time traveling?), mourning the fabulous Juliet and being in awe of the acting of Terry O'Quinn. But anyways, where were we? Oh yeah. Random Dozen. That's a nice change of pace...


1. Do you use the labels various charities send you as “free gifts?” I have, and Miss Manners told me it was okay.

2. What is your favorite time of day (or night) for skywatching? This is a tough one because I am a giddy fan of both sunrises and sunsets, and I also love a good clear night for stargazing. But since I am not always up and alert for the sunrise and most evenings this time of year I'm all bundled up inside watching television, I will say sunset, because here in Oklahoma they can be especially beautiful. So 6 pm-ish.

3. What is the most adventurous you've ever been with trying a new food? (Keep it G-rated please) I am an exceptionally picky eater so not so much adventurous, I tried guacamole for the first time 2 1/2 years ago and loved it. Does that count?

4. Have you ever heard a rock sing? (Trust me, there's a reason for this one!) No.

5. If you could learn a language you don't presently speak, what would it be? Spanish.

6. Al Capone's tombstone read, “My Jesus, Mercy.” If you could write your own epitaph, what would it say? Right now I love the idea of it saying She was well loved and loved well.

7. If you were a famous musician who was known by one name, like “Cher,” “Sting,” or “Jewel,” what would it be? It doesn’t have to be your first name, but it can be, if you’d like. Kara is my first name so it might as well be. I love my middle name too, Elizabeth, but it just isn't much of a rock star name, neither is Beth. So Kara will have to rock it.

8. Have you ever been inordinately “into” a television show? Hmmm, did you read my last post? Read any of my posts on The Office? Tried to call me while LOST or a new episode of The Office or Chuck is on? But LOST takes the cake. Really. Truly. Officially obsessed since September 2004.

9. When you sneeze, do you go big, or do you do that weird “heenh!” sound that makes people think you’re going to blow your brains out? Any other variation we should know about? I think I have a wide repertoire of sneezes.

10. Do you still read an actual newspaper that you hold in your hands, or do you get your news elsewhere? Because my dad still subscribes to our local newspaper, I still read it, some of the time. But I'm fine getting my news on the internet (all my entertainment news, if you think that is newsworthy, and I do, comes from the internet ala ew.com and other such websites).

11. Are you a good speller? Yes, I think I am, but I also enjoy having spell check at my disposal.

12. At what time each day do you start thinking about Lost, er, lunch? Lunch sometimes before I've even had breakfast, LOST, is kind of a 24 hour obsession so I really can't say when I actually start thinking about it.

So that's that. Another Random Dozen. Was it coherent? It's too soon after LOST to tell. But maybe over at Lid's you'll find better Random. Why not head on over there now.

You Seriously Didn't Think I Could Write About Anything Else Today Did You?

Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, Sun, Jin, Desmond, Miles, Richard, Ben, Frank, Locke, Juliet, Sawyer! I have missed you. It's been a long, long, long time. So long that you'd think I might have forgotten. Forgotten that some of you are chillin' in 77 and the rest of you are wondering what the heck is going on in 2007. Forgotten that Juliet set off the bomb and might be dead (RIP if you are!) and maybe reset everything. Forgotten that this is the very last season of the very best show that ever existed in the history of forever.

But I haven't forgotten.

I haven't forgotten about Daniel Faraday or Charlie or Boone or Libby or Shannon or Ana Lucia (but I wish I could forget about Nikki and Paolo). I haven't forgotten about Charlotte or Mr. Eko or Danielle Rousseau or Alex or Michael or WAAAAALT!! Nope. I haven't forgotten that Claire has been missing or what lies in the shadow of the statue. I haven't forgotten that Richard does not age and that time travel will cause a serious nose bleed and that hot pockets are not a serious defensive weapon. I haven't forgotten that Kate will inevitably fall in and out of love with Jack and Sawyer until the very last frame. I haven't forgotten that Hurley says dude more than I use an exclamation point. I haven't forgotten about pretend peanut butter or bear village or smokey the monster or taller ghost Walt or the numbers or the dharma initiative or flight 815. I haven't forgotten about the Oceanic 6 or Ajira Flight 316.

I haven't forgotten that a war is coming and that Jacob is a little touchy and that the man in black likes a good loophole. I haven't forgotten that Arzt was a bit explosive, Libby once was crazy, Desmond loves Penny, Eloise Hawking is a stone cold mother, Eko had a thing for his Jesus stick and that it's not Penny's boat. I know that Sawyer doesn't speak destiny and that Jack wants us to all live together so we don't die alone. I know that Faraday's mother is an other. I miss book club in Dharmaville and ping pong tournaments on the beach with Sawyer and Hurley.

And, as an aside, Sawyer can call me freckles if he wants to. Just sayin' (Seriously, those dimples. are. insane.).

I am happy and I am sad and I am ready for some answers (and I suspect I may never get them all). So tonight, who really cares if that groundhog saw his shadow or not? Whistle for Vincent and let's get this show on the road! It's the beginning of the end....

Leaving a Legacy

Nanny with my Aunt Terri

The week before last, when my Aunt Nancy was in town, she took my mom and me to eat lunch at my favorite spot. We walked in just ahead of the new owner's parents. Her father had been my grandmother's boss when she was alive. After we were seated they came over and my mom introduced them to my aunt, telling them she was Melva's sister. Eyes light up when someone mentions my Nanny. Everyone, and I mean, everyone, I've ever met who knew her, loved her. Loved her deeply. As we left the restaurant we stopped to talk to the owner. My aunt told her she was Melva's sister and Samantha gave her a big hug. It was if by hugging Aunt Nancy she was somehow getting to hug my Nanny again. As if a little part of Nanny still resided in her next of kin, and some sort of magic could connect them again. If it were that way, I'd never, ever stop hugging my Aunt Nancy or my mom or my cousins. I miss Nanny that much.

Even now, nearly 17 years after her passing, people still love to talk about her, still love her as if she was still here with us. I cannot tell you how many people have stopped me and asked me if I was Melva's granddaughter (it's because I'm my mother's twin, and if they knew my Nanny they knew my mom). When I tell them I am they invariably go on and on about the kind of woman she was and how much they loved her. There's nothing like being told how much someone loves a person you also loved. And one thing's for sure, my Nanny was well loved and loved well.

Four years ago, when I went with my best friend to her first ultrasound, the nurse attending her was a former co-worker of my Nanny's. When she realized who I was she gushed on and on about food my grandmother had prepared and a blanket she made when the woman had a baby and the shower she had for her. All these things happened more than twenty years ago but the gratitude still spilled fresh from this woman's heart. Nanny had that kind of effect on people.

She loved in simple, but extravagantly beautiful ways. She was an incredible cook (and no one, to this day, can match her fried chicken)and loved her family and friends and co-workers with kitchen creations that warmed the heart and filled the belly. She was also a seamstress, a party hostess and a bookkeeper. She was the oldest of five, and a mother of five and a grandmother (at the time of her death) of five. I have a feeling that each of us thought we were her favorite. That's the only way to love that many people. Love em like each one is your favorite. There is surely no greater legacy.

I want to be like that. For a long time I've believed the best way for me to leave a legacy is to write. Surely what I put on this blog or in my journals will outlive me. But what I wonder is, will it matter? Will it matter like the things my Nanny did? Will people approach my grandchildren thirty or forty years from now and ask them if they are Kara's? Will their eyes light up as the recount what I did to care for them and how I loved them and how much that meant?

Because if I never get published or never am read by more than the twenty or so people who claim to follow my blog I won't be a failure if I can dare to love like my Nanny loved. And I know it will cost me. It cost my Nanny. You aren't first in your life when you love like she loved. You stay up late and you get up early and you slave over hot stoves and you clean up after grandkids and you don't let on that you feel sick, even when you have cancer, and you make everyone feel like they are the most special person in the room. That will cost you something. But it's better than being famous and it's harder than being published and it's richer than making millions.

Well loved and loved well. That was Nanny's legacy. And I hope, one day, it will be mine.