On Church and Tapestry and Ping Pong Tournaments in My Head

My church is a small church. It's in a small town, so that may not seem like a big deal, but even in a small town we're still considered a small church. There is no singles program, or young adult program of any kind, for that matter. In fact, out of the sixty or so people that attend, I'm one of three single people in my church, the only one under age 40. All the young people in my church are married. They all have children. We may be the same age but we are definitely at different places in our lives. Sometimes it’s hard to relate, until we can find a common topic like LOST or Facebook. But my church is my church. I love them, but it's also been a difficult ride these last several months.

Last November my best friend and her husband made the decision to leave our church and find one that fit them better, which left me feeling alone in my own church family. It had nothing to do with me, but her leaving devastated me. I loved singing with her on the worship team, playing with her daughter before Sunday school, and visiting with her during our monthly fellowships. Her not being there has left a hole in my church life.

Another reason it's been difficult is that I feel I have no designated place to serve. For eight years I was my little church's worship leader. Then this year I was replaced as worship leader. At first I was relieved. If you’ve never been in that kind of position in a church you have no idea, but it can be exhausting. Some people love what you do, other people hate it. No matter what the opinions rise up, and try as I may, I couldn’t keep them from affecting me. Having someone else handle all the pressure was freeing. It felt good. And it felt weird. I didn’t know what to do every week. I realized that these roles defined me in my church and not having them to anchor me left me feeling like a ship that lost its moorings.

I’ve been doing this back and forth thing in my head. Without the responsibility to buoy me to my church, I have a bit of freedom. So, in my head, I toss back and forth what to do. Do I stay, or do I go? Am I afraid to leave because it’s all I’ve ever known, or is this where God has called me? Some Sundays I feel so sure this is my place. Others I just plot and plan my escape, daydreaming about where to go and what might be waiting for me, somewhere else. Some mornings it’s a fight to get out of bed and go. I feel I won’t be missed and it won’t matter.

Something changed today.

My pastor chose to do something he rarely does, he sat down. Sat down and asked us to get up and talk. He asked us to share from our hearts what our church meant to us. Share how people in the church had ministered to us. The cynic in me was dreading this. I know how long winded people can be (ahem, are you still even reading this long post?) and I really just wanted to get on with my Sunday. But my heart was just soft enough to listen. Just soft enough to respond.

I listened as person after person got up, some awkwardly like a newborn calf finding his gait, some calm and sure like a glass lake on a still day. Many choked back tears while others let them flow freely. Some quoted scripture like they had been born with those words written on their heart while others could only manage a few, still heart-felt words, “I love this church family.” I listened and listened and then the microphone was handed to me. To me. The wavering girl. The girl devastated by the loss of her friend, the girl who felt out of place in the very church she was raised in. Me. The girl with a ping pong tournament going on in her head.

I managed to say something about being in this church all my life. Stammered something about how different the church looked, about green shag carpet and about being the only single thirty-something girl there. And then my mouth spoke something I don’t think my brain was privy to even moments before, “But this is my church, this is where I belong.” I shared how I had set some goals for myself this year and one of them was to learn to love well. And as I looked around the room it occurred to me, these were the teachers who were going to help me learn. They know how to love well. This is where I belong.

One of the men who shared today talked about how we all were woven together like a tapestry. He went on to explain how the back of a tapestry looks like a mess, all these strands of fabric sticking out, looking like no one belongs alongside the other, but turning it around in the front they are beautifully blended together. That’s our body. Young, old, rich, poor, single, married, widowed. We’re all different, but we’re all one. All part of a tapestry God has woven together for His glory and beauty and purpose. I loved that analogy.

So here I am. The only single thirty something in my church, one of only a handful of young people who attend. I don't have a fancy role, no big responsibilities to tie me to it. But still, I'm woven together with these people. And our God is weaving us into a beautiful tapestry. I'm just glad I get the chance to be a thread.

Caffeinated Randomness: A Little Bit of This And A Little Bit Of That

We're in a sort of holding pattern tonight here in my part of the world. While the northern two thirds of my state have been pummeled with ice and sleet and snow, we've just had a cold cold rain. But the weather reports promise (or warn if you're not a snow fan like myself) that overnight the rain will turn to ice and then the ice will turn to snow. Right now (just after midnight) I don't know if I'll be able to make it to work tomorrow or not. I feel like a kid who doesn't know if the next day school will be closed or not so she waits up hoping and watching (and maybe praying).




I am in the mood to cook this weekend. It's either going to be lasagna or meatloaf, but either way it's going to be comfort food and it's going to be fantastic. At first I was leaning towards lasagna because it's the one dish wonder, but then I remembered how I have been craving meatloaf, and the trimmings that go with it: scalloped potatoes and green beans. Oh, and I also think I want to make a layered chocolate cake. From scratch. I know, it's very Betty Crocker of me.



Last weekend I purchased a quilt on sale at the store I work for, and went ahead and special ordered a new dust ruffle and pillow shams to go with it. So the money I saved in getting a half price quilt is now lost to new regular priced items to match. But my room is going to be so bright and springy once it all comes together. My hope is it will inspire me to paint my room, which was a long forgotten plan from last August. So now it's on the agenda for February.

In other weekend and random news, I am going to go see When in Rome this weekend. I don't know why. I know it's going to be your predictable formulaic romantic comedy. But they suck me in every time. It's either that or the popcorn and coke. Last weekend I went with my parents to see The Book of Eli. It's dark, violent and bleak, but at the same time, strangely, inspiring. If you can handle the violence and the language, go see it. I think the message supersedes those two negative elements.

Oh, and before I forget, I'm over at Exemplify today. I wrote on something a bit out of my comfort zone in that it was more vulnerable and honest than I like to be. I hope it blesses you.

So happy Friday! And go to Andrea's for more Caffeinated Randomness

Random Dozen: There is a Guns and Roses Song in My Head

In the course of a year I went from being a New Kids on the Block fan to a Heavy Metal Hair band fan. Poison, Slaughter, Guns n' Roses, all those ridiculous groups were my mainstay of musical enjoyment. I was 13ish though, so what did I know? Except that in 365 days I went from adoring Jordan Knight to adoring Brett Michaels. And yes that makes me kinda cringe right now (and there but by the grace of God I never ended up on any of those Rock of Love shows. Oh I kid, I kid- and I cringe. again.). That has nothing to do with this random dozen, except that the theme that Lid picked makes me think of a song by Guns n' Roses called Patience. It was a lame song, even then (but the intro of Sweet Child O'Mine is still awesome, I will maintain that all my life, and one day you will all hear the story of how my cousin Preston came to believe I knew how to play said intro on his guitar). On with the dozen:

1. How good are you at delaying gratification? I have come to realize that I am absolutely no good at this. Which is why I am overweight, have a large amount of credit card debt and still live at home with my parents. But I'm no longer in denial, so, the first step has already been made.




2. Maybe a marshmallow wouldn't be too difficult a temptation for you. What food (or anything else) would be most tempting? French Fries!!!! Especially hot, crispy yummy ones. Probably ones I make myself, and I let them get really, really golden brown and they are really, really thin and crispy.


3. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being saintly) how patient are you? I'm going to say a 5. There are some things (and people and circumstances) I'm more patient with than others.



4. Have you ever waited for something in life only to be disappointed upon realization of the goal/object/etc.? Hmm. Most of the things I've wanted the most I'm still waiting for so I can't say that I'm disappointed with them yet. I hope once I do get these things I am grateful and happy to have them finally in my life.


5. Are you a person who takes shortcuts? Yes in driving. And, if I'm being honest, in life too. Maybe that's why I'm only at a five in the patience department.


6. Which line is hardest to wait in? The line at the Tag Agency office. Nobody seems to be in a good mood, everybody (like me) has waited until the last minute so they're feeling nervous and impatient. It's a not fun combo.



7. Did you wait to discover the gender of your unborn child until its birth? I haven't had children yet, but being the impatient/control freak that I am, I'm going to want to know the gender.


8. Are you more patient with children or the elderly? Children.


9. Did you ever sneak a peek at a present? Yes.


10. What is the longest you've ever waited for anything? 32.5 years and counting.


11. Who has more patience, you or your significant other? At this point in time it's me! But that's only because I don't know my significant other yet so I can really attest to his patience level.


12. Which of the following songs about waiting is your pick for the best? (OK, you may substitute another, if you like.)

A) Anticipation by Carly Simon
B) The Waiting by Tom Petty
C) Right Here Waiting for You by Richard Marx
D) Wait for Me by Rebecca St. James


"You take it on faith, you take it to the heart, the waiting is the hardest part" I'm going with Tom Petty.

For more random dozen here. Why not join in all the fun and link up!

Changing The Tempo of My Life

I overslept this morning. I could blame it on my alarm, but it's more likely attested to the fact that I am perpetually lazy. I like sleep. And sometimes my brain and my body disagree about when to put myself to sleep at night and then fight over when to wake up in the morning. Today was one such day.

So now I'm in a rush. Some ambitious evenings I write up posts for the next day and schedule them, but last night I was too interested in watching Hoarders than to write a post. Some now I'm attempting to make something up on the fly. My hair is wet from my shower and I have about 15 minutes before I need to leave my house. But here I am, determined to write something on a Tuesday. I hate the rushed feeling so I'm ignoring it.

What I wanted to share today was something I read in a devotional yesterday. It stuck with me all day, in the same way a really hearty breakfast will, and I made plans to write about it here. It's from Jesus Calling by Sara Young. I'd provide a link to it on Amazon, but as I've mentioned before, time crunch. So I won't. But it's a good devotional sort of book (my boss always feels like it "reads her mail" every day, I won't go that far but it is good, I mix it in with Daily Light and a little Beth Moore devotional on Believing God). It's supposed to be like Jesus talking to you, which can sometimes be awesome and sometimes feel a little odd. Yesterday fell under the awesome category. But I'm blabbing and should just get on with it (why do I ramble when I'm running behind? Must be a nervous energy sort of thing).

"Enjoy the tempo of a God-breathed life by letting Me set the pace."

Just one sentence. But it was good enough to chew on for the last 24 hours. I think about the tempo of my life. Sometimes it's a lazy river sort of pace, me just floating along, on autopilot, not really doing much more than existing. Other days, like this morning, it's a frantic pace brought about from too much "autopilot" laziness. I'm the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland and I'm jumping around singing "I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say Hello! Goodbye! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"

I need a new pace. A tempo of a God-breathed life. No more lazy meandering. No more frantic jolts. A God-breathed life.

And it would be nice if I didn't oversleep.

A Bear of Little Brain

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the silly old bear. Of course I found him wonderful when I was a kid, I mean, come on, who didn't? But in college I had a full-on obsession with Pooh and his 100 acre posse. I adored him, fluff and all. Somewhere in the last ten years I kinda forgot about how much I loved him and then, I came across a little book with quotes from Winnie the Pooh and my heart melted. I just had to share some of the best ones.Winnie the Pooh is a clever fellow for a bear of little brain. It's kind of like "All I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" except with a bear and lots cuter. So, without further adieu, the wisdom of Winnie the Pooh (hey, that rhymed!):



"You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you; you have to go get them sometimes."

"Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering."

"It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like, “What about lunch?”

"Poetry and hums aren’t things which you get, they’re things which get you. And all you can do is go to where they can find you."

"You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count."


A delight, no? He makes me smile that fluffy, hunny loving silly old bear. Certainly makes a Monday feel less dreary.

Caffeinated Randomness: Not on board with Fake Stanley. But I Get It.

"For the record, not on board with Fake Stanley. But I get it." That was the best new line of last night's episode of The Office. That and all the computron stuff almost made me forgive them for showing a clips show. That and the hilarity of said clips. I don't know whether to be disappointed or just enjoy the chuckles. I'm in a good mood this Friday morn, so I'm going with forgiveness. It is the Christian thing to do.

So it's Friday! Yay! Except yesterday felt like Friday. And when you come down from that kind of mind prank, it's a little sad. I was already in weekend mode. Which means work today is a total loss. Don't tell my boss that.

I think part of the reason it felt like Friday was (not because I work with Jim and Pam and they kept telling me it was Friday, because that would have been not only hilarious but tied in with my opening paragraph, making this less random but sad that I would be Dwight Schrute in this scenario) because my great Aunt came for a surprise visit. Surprise visits really keep you on your housekeeping game, don't they? Mom and I were scrambling like mad women to make our house presentable in the veryshort amount of time we had before she arrived. But now we have a clean house (sort of) so yay! Mom made these delicious tiramasu muffins from Homemade Gourmet and I wholeheartedly recommend them. Especially with a cinnamon flavored hot tea.

Netflix should be delivering Discs 1-4 of Season 5 of LOST today so I can get caught up before February 2nd. It's going to require a lot of time, but I'm a dedicated fan. A dedicated fan who did not receive Season 5 for Christmas and currently has not the budget to buy it. So Netflix it is. I got caught up on movies that were sitting around for three months to do so. What can I say? I am a sacrificer for my favorite shows. And laziness abounds.

Also, I think there is a Clinique Bonus Buy in my vicinity this weekend. So. As you can see it's going to be a crazy tight schedule for me. LOST. shop. eat. LOST. LOST. sleep. church. eat. LOST. Football. LOST. eat. LOST. Thankfully I've been working out so I'm up for the challenge. Computron experiencing emotion. Me too, computron. Me too.

For more randomness, to Andrea's you must go! Happy weekend friends!!!

live.obey.love.believe. {what I'm learning}

"This is love for God: to obey His commands. And His commands are not burdensome." 1 John 5:3 (NIV)


The more I search the scriptures looking for insight into obedience and trust, the more I see how much blessing and real life are tied up in them. In my year's (or life's) quest to {live.obey.love.believe.} I'm wowed by verses like this:

And I command you today: Love God, your God. Walk in his ways. Keep his commandments, regulations, and rules so that you will live, really live, live exuberantly, blessed by God, your God, in the land you are about to enter and possess. Deuteronomy 30:16 (the message)

I love how it says to Love God, your God...sometimes I don't think about how Yahweh, God of the Universe is my God. He's on a very personal level with me, in a relationship as unique as each individual star. He's my God.

I also am floored by the notion that in order to live, really live, live exuberantly (my, doesn't that sound amazing to live exuberantly, or maybe I'm just being too ambitious for this new morning?), I must keep God's commands. As in be obedient. Obedience=Exuberant Life. Who'da thunk it? (I have never ever in my life typed the words Who'da thunk it, and right about now I'm thinking of deleting it, but to keep me humble in case you all think that is the most ridiculous think a person could write, I'm keeping it in. You know, because some of you maybe aren't sure of my dork status).

What's awesome to is that the thing God is calling me to be obedient in is love. Love Him, love others. And if I'm to take his word as truth, then those commands aren't burdensome.

Random Dozen: And I Love/Hate Jillian (But Mostly Hate).

Tuesday morning I woke up and wondered who punched me in my gut and kicked me in both legs and then karate chopped both my arms while I peacefully slept. Then I remembered. Jillian. Evil woman. My muscles were right to fear her. I told the ladies at work I was working out to one of her videos and one of them came around the corner and so cheerfully exclaimed, "Oh your doing a Jillian Michaels video? Are you gonna have a body like Jillian's? She is amazing!" If I could have moved fast enough to throttle her, I would have. Instead I managed a weak laugh. No. I won't have a body like Jillian's once I finish this 30 day shred. I only hope to still be able to walk upright and lift my arms over my head. I know, dream big.

Anyways. How about some Random Dozen? (Because really you don't want to know how difficult it is for me to stand up and sit down right now, do you?)

1. So I was thinking about how Jon Bon Jovi never seems to age much. His hair is smaller nowadays, but he still manages to look like a boy somehow. And then that made me think of the story of Dorian Gray. Question: If you physically lock in one age for yourself, which would you choose and why? 27. It's just a good age. Not too young, not too old. But having only lived 32 1/2 years I really have no other basis past early thirties.

2. What is the best dish that you cook or bake (your piece de resistance?) I love my corn casserole (which is actually Paula Deen's corn casserole, but don't tell her that).

3. When you feel blue, what is one strategy you use to help yourself back to normal? Praise God. Go through and verbally thank Him for things He has so faithfully done in my life, things I've seen Him do in Creation, in the world, in His word. Before long I'm feeling a lot better, even when circumstances have not changed.

4. When was the last time you danced in public? I think a better question is when was the last time I danced in private? I'm not really a dancer so I can't even remember. Does jumping up and down in circles clapping wildly over something joyous count (because LOST is back in two weeks so I'm a little prone to the jumping up and down moments lately, well, until Jillian).

5. Do you consider yourself a realist or dreamer? A bit of both. I say I'm a realist masquerading as a dreamer.

6. As a parent, what is one thing that you have done well? Not yet a parent. But I can tell you something my parents have done well; they have always encouraged my sister that we can be or do whatever we set our minds to do. No dream was (or is) too big. Workouts not withstanding.

7. Which is your favorite character on the Andy Griffith show? Good old Andy himself. He's a wise one, you know. And so patient to put up with Barney and some of the interesting people that would come along like Ernest T. Bass. My dad is a huge fan of Andy Griffith so I've seen a lot of episodes. I loved how he was such a great dad to Opie too.

8. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you know about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? I'd say about a 5. Thank my public school education for that.

9. Have you never been mellow? Have you never tried … to find a comfort from in side you? (Sorry, Jorge was singing that song just now, and it just seemed to be perfect timing as I was creating this week’s questions.) REAL question: What is your #1 driving pet peeve? It is really irritating when people leave their blinker on forever, but the most irritating is the exceptionally sloooooowwww drivers in town who insist on making me late for work.

10. Which color best represents your mood today? Care to elaborate? I am green today, I chirp with joy like a cricket's song, I am gray today, moody and damp like a morning fog, I am orange today, loud and messy like fingerpaint on the wall. I am red today, hopping mad like a playground ball, I am black today, strong and tall a great big bear, I am purple today, bright and happy like a butterfly in the air....Sorry I couldn't resist. I heard that song on a Dell laptop commercial a while ago and downloaded it and when you asked what my color was I had to play the song, and then type the lyrics to make you all so happy. It's from a yoga kids cd. Now you know just how eclectic my iTunes library is. Your welcome. Wait, what was the question?

11. If your spouse were an animal, which would he/she be? I'm gonna say hibernating bear in winter, because surely that would explain where he's been hiding. And winter sure is taking long to end (like 32 years). Come on Spring!

12. What activity takes up the bulk of your time on an average day. Work. And at work it seems like the thing I do the most is answer the phone. A LOT. And I'm not much of a phone person.

So there you have it. Another week of Random Dozen. If I survive another seven days of Jillian, (or as my glutes, biceps and abs refer to her: Sadist Taskmaster Evil One), I shall random it up again. Until then, head on over to Lid's for more fun, delightful, pain free random dozen.

I Can Even Make Breathing Seem Exciting

It was a fabulous weekend, ya'll.

No headaches. Lots of sleep. Good food. Absolute perfection.

I slept 11 hours Friday night. I was in bed by 10 pm, which doesn't even happen on a weeknight, so that should let you know how tired I was. I slept well, and didn't wake up with a headache, which means a good morning. The whole day I felt relaxed and kept breathing really deep sighs of joy. Does anybody else do that when they are well rested? All day long, breathing in, breathing out, it was awesome. Exciting stuff, no?

I had lunch with my mom at our favorite spot and then did a little window shopping. There is a store in town that has been around forever but I had never gone in and decided Saturday was the day. It was so much fun! This place had funky, random stuff that made me smile or gasp at every turn. It inspired me to redo my room until I realized it would probably cost me about $2000 to make that a reality. So that's maybe not going to happen. But it was fun to look nonetheless. Also, it inspired me to be a little more of a do-it-yourself crafty person. I love crafty stuff, I'm just not so good at it myself. I can't sew, I'm horrible at painting. You get the picture.

So it's back to another week. I decided on Friday that I really wanted to make my resolutions (slowly waning as they are) to stick this year, and one way I'm doing that is by breaking them down into manageable weekly (and sometimes daily) goals. For instance, in order to get up earlier in the morning I'm making sure I'm in bed by 11 pm. The last two weeks I've been consistently late to work because I can't consistently get myself out of bed until the snooze alarm has been hit a half a dozen or so times. So this week earlier bedtimes and(hopefully) earlier wake up times. And a two time snooze button hit only (don't even try to break me of my snooze button habit yet, these things take time!). Then quiet time, workout, read some blogs and then get ready for work! That's my plan anyway.

And I am digging The Message so much lately that I've decided to read through the entire New Testament and Psalms in the Message this year. I can't quite give up my regular NIV for the Old Testament yet. I guess I don't feel as well versed in the Old Testament and want to keep it a little more familiar. However the New Testament is a different story. I was looking over some scriptures I compiled a couple years ago from the Message and I absolutely fell in love with the freshness of them. I think it's going to be awesome, and I hope I have lots of things to share in the days and weeks to come.

So Hello Monday! I hope to see you at 7 am. Don't make me regret typing that!

My Guess Is I'll Be Bawling Within The First Five Minutes

I have a confession to make. In a desperate attempt to keep one of my New Year's resolutions, I bought Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred yesterday at Wal-Mart. I haven't even popped it in the dvd player yet and already my body is quivering with fear. This can't be a good sign.

(before you ask, yes, it occurred to me that maybe I should put on some makeup before taking this pic, but then you wouldn't get the full effect of my sheer terror.)

Caffeinated Randomness

Don't miss out on all the fun, there's more randomness at Andrea's!

A weekend never ceases to delight me. Whether I have a schedule crammed full or nothing on the agenda, I practically ooze joy when it comes to a Saturday. But there are a couple particular reasons I am going to enjoy this one (and feel free to be in awe of my low, low expectations): the weather is pleasantly mild, I have good intentions at eating a hamburger at my favorite local spot, and the Dallas Cowboys are in a playoff game. So. As you can see, a delightful weekend indeed.

I haven't been sleeping well this week, and have been having some unpleasant headaches. I guess all headaches are unpleasant but these are really taking the cake. Maybe it's just my brain crying out for some 8 hours in a row sleep and a Saturday, but I don't really like how it communicates that desire. Not fun at all.

And tv is back this week! Chuck, House, American Idol! Oh my! I kinda forgot how much I love Chuck (and adorable geeks everywhere!). And thanks to American Idol I will never get the song "Pants on the Ground" out of my head. Too much. I'm still awaiting the February 2nd debut of my favoritest show ever, LOST, to come back, but until then, these shows (and Psych later on this month!) will more than suffice.

I type all these light, happy things, but I assure you my heart is still pretty heavy this week. I have a precious friend who has had one of the worst years of her life (don't remind me it's only fifteen days into a new year) and just got some horrible, heartbreaking news yesterday. I wonder how much can one woman handle? I'm comforted only in knowing that God knows the answer to that, and that He holds her in His almighty hands. With all that's going on in the world and in your little worlds too, I would love for you to lift my friend Gina up in prayer. She needs mercy and the comfort of our Savior more than I can say here.

I can't even begin to give justice to writing about the huge, horrible tragedy of Haiti this week. I can't. There aren't words in my vocabulary grave, large or desperate enough to describe it. How can I? I've read people much more eloquent than I fall short in describing their own feelings on the subject. This I can tell you: I'm praying. I'm giving. I'm hoping. And I know it's not enough. But, I also hope that I'm not the only one. Maybe together. Maybe together.

Sorry to end on such a serious note, but isn't that life? Silly and serious. Delightful and horrible, sometimes all on the same day. God bless you all friends. God bless you all.

Love.

I came across this quote yesterday and it's stirring in me:

God is calling you to a passionate love relationship with Himself. Because the answer to religious complacency isn't working harder at a list of do's and don'ts. It's falling in love with God. --Francis Chan {from Crazy Love}

And this verse as well:

"Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." Matthew 22:37-40 The Message

{live.obey.love.believe.}

I finally made myself do away with the christmas background. I loved it, ya'll. Like taking down the Christmas tree I knew it must be done eventually. So do you like the new look? I have plans to get a new design from a sweet bloggy friend in the (nearish) future, but for now I'm really liking this.

And do you like my new theme? I was searching through some scriptures and those words from the message version of 1 corinthians 7:17 just jumped out at me:"And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life".

You know my words for the year are trust and obey. There is a lot whirling around in my heart and mind (mentioned that earlier today, didn't I?) about the subject, as I'm sure it will continue to do in the days and weeks to come. And my prayer is that I not only ponder and meditate but that I live and breathe this "trust and obey" call. I consider this passage a jumping off point in my 2010 adventure with God. And just typing that I got chills that stem from a mixture of terror and delight. I've never been one for adventure. But I know God is. May I learn to take His lead.

So.

Live. Obey. Love. Believe. That's what I want to do this year on my adventure.
Live on purpose. Obey willingly. Love well. Believe wholeheartedly. I'm beginning to think 365 days is not nearly enough time to tackle all of that. More like a life time call.

Maybe that's been His plan all along.

Random Dozen: My Brain May or May Not Be On Autopilot This Morning

Feeling a little blah on this Wednesday morning. There are a lot of things whirling and twirling around in my brain and heart and for that reason I am so glad that today is random dozen day. And that I answered all these questions yesterday.

1. When was the last time you craved a food--what was it, and did you cave? Chocolate. And duh, I caved. It's chocolate.

2. M & M's or Skittles? Almond M&M's.

3. Have you ever read the Bible completely through? Yes. Twice all the way through and three times through the New Testament. I also am reading through the bible again this year (it's a goal every year since college, but as you can see I've failed all but two times, I usually get bogged down in Leviticus or one of the minor prophets).

4. How long does it take you to really wake up in the morning? I hit the snooze an average of two or three(or four) times every morning. That is about 24 minutes,then I spend another 10 or 15 minutes just trying to accept that it is in fact morning and I do have to face the day. I am not really a morning person. Fortunately I don't usually have to talk to anyone for the first hour that I am awake, so that's good.

5. Have you ever been on a cruise? If not, would you like to? No I haven't, but yes I would like to. I've heard good stories and horror stories about cruises but I am just going to have to experience it for myself.

6. Who is your favorite actress? Currently it's Amy Adams (I think she's my generation's Meg Ryan). But there are others I adore: Sandra Bullock, Zooey Deschanel, Jenna Fischer and Tina Fey.

7. ______ is something that I will just never understand. The success of a show as crass and stupid as Two and a Half Men (and how my dad can watch the reruns of it every. single. night. before dinner).

8. How much of a technology junkie are you? I'm practically technologically illiterate. I just like to fool a lot of people.

9. Do you enjoy selecting greeting cards for people, or is it more of a cultural "have to" for you? I like it most of the time. We get a lot of catalogs for greeting cards at work and I have been known to spend a little bit of time perusing them. I like to find just the right card for a person (funny or mushy, serious or silly) for the right occasion.

10. When was the last time you got a new style/haircut? I've been growing my hair long for the last three and a half years and the only thing different I've done in that time frame is get bangs. Right now I kinda hate them (too short and too thick this time around, I should have stuck with the longish side swept ones, but oh well, hindsight is 20/20). So I'm growing them out. Isn't growing out bangs the worst?

11. What do you enjoy shopping for most? Music (and I never have to leave my home, thank you iTunes)! Followed closely by books! Followed by shoes!

12. What's the last thing you think of before you leave the house? Am I going to be late? Great. I'm going to be late. I hate being late. Why did I hit the snooze four times this morning?

So there you have it, thought provoking stuff. Just for your Wednesday. If you enjoyed this, go on over to 2nd Cup of Coffee and amuse yourself further. You'll be glad you did.

How Will This Year Be Different?

I shouldn't have done it.

I know how prone I am to regrets. Some people are addicted to carbs, I'm addicted to bemoaning past failures and shortcomings. I'm a weird one, I know. So I went back and read. Read all of January 2009's posts. All the hopes, all the letdowns, all the beginnings of a winter depression. I wanted to warn the January 1st me of what January 15th me would be feeling. I wanted to tell her that Winter doesn't last forever and get over yourself so that maybe the rest of the year might be salvaged. Don't make lofty goals without a plan to follow them. Don't get caught up in temptations that beset you every year. Don't have that all or nothing view of things. Mistakes, mishaps and circumstances beyond your control-- they will happen. Above all, don't give up. Don't give up like you did.



And that nagging voice taunts me, What makes you think this year will be different?



So I ask this of God, Will this year be any different than the last?



And you know what He says back to my thirsty, hopeful, regret laden soul?



{Trust and obey}



It takes me awhile to learn some things. Things like not wasting your time regretting the past. Like releasing the mistakes of last year so that you can embrace a new one yet unwritten. Trust and obey. Trust God with my present, trust Him with this year I can't see as clearly as posts from last January. Obey His word when it invades my thought processes on a Monday morning. Obey His still, quiet voice deep inside when it tells me do this or don't do that. Obey His word that His been written on my heart for half a lifetime.


This year will be different.... if I trust and obey.

CR: Snow Many Memories (Because Everyone Loves a Pun!)

I love snow. Adore it. Dance in it and make snow angels in it, and stare at it lovingly through the windows of my workplace. One thing I've learned over the years about my most hallowed of precipitation is this: you can't get snow without wicked cold temperatures. I've made my peace with that. However. When it's cold with no snow, that = no. fun. whatsoever. And that's where I find myself this week. Tonight's low is 6. As in the single digit. I posted on Facebook last night that I was more bundled up than Ralphie's brother on A Christmas Story ("I can't put my arms down!"). And I really wasn't exaggerating. It's so cold that school was cancelled in parts of our state. Not for snow. Not for ice. For cold weather. Only in the South.

I shouldn't complain. We had the most amazing snowfall (er, blizzard) on Christmas Eve. It was the best Christmas present ever. Delivered from Heaven. I've mentioned before that every year when my mom asks what I want for Christmas I always tell her snow and a husband. I'm one of those people that stakes out the forecast as early as possible before Christmas hoping for the little snow icon to show up that week. Every year I am disappointed (by the 18th or so it's usually confirmed). This year I experienced that same letdown. A week before Christmas there was no chance of snow. Five days before and a couple brave meteorologists mentioned it was slightly possible we might have a flurry on Christmas Eve, but more than likely it would be rain. Three days before the rain chances increased and the snow chances waned. Two days before it was still a tossup. The day before Christmas Eve we finally got the word we would more than likely have a snowy day in store. To the north it might be blizzard conditions but we were going to see a few inches of accumulation. I was shocked. Christmas Eve morning the report changed again and we were told we would get 6-8" of snow and the first white Christmas I had ever experienced. Still, I doubted. After all, I'd been let down so many times before. I kept peeking out the window at work that morning, lamenting the chilly rain when I was longing for snow.

No sooner did my doubtful heart sigh than the snowflakes appeared. First small, then big, then massive. It was happening! Within a couple of hours we had a whiteout! It was beautiful (but scary to drive through), breathtaking and more than I could have ever asked for or imagined. A White Christmas.

I have a Facebook friend whose father passed away in November. Her maiden name is Blizzard and she couldn't help but note that God sent a Blizzard (her father's name) the first Christmas her family was without him. Here I thought that snowfall was just for me and I read that. A lot of other people I know were stranded in their homes (or in relatives homes) and didn't make it to there destination for the holidays. I felt sorry for them, but for me, and for my friend on Facebook, we felt it was a Godsend.

My mom and I were still talking about it this week. She was telling me how special she thought it was that God would do that, send snow in such a big, unexpected way. I smiled and thought, that's just how He is. That exceedingly, abundantly part of Him. Why do I ever forget to ask him to exceed my expectations?

Here's hoping next year I finally get the other thing I always ask for on Christmas!

Happy weekend all, bundle up, it's chilly outside(Ralphie! I can't get up! Ralphie!)

Surely this post qualifies as random. I mean, it's the 8th of January and I'm just getting around to talking about our Christmas Eve Blizzard. Random, right? For more random go to Andrea's.

Over the Top! (And Thank You, Critty Joy!)

My sweet twin, Christy, gave me award today! I am always humbled that anyone thinks of me as award worthy, so sometimes I just don't know what to say, so I'll just say, THANK YOU, CHRISTY!! She has become one of my dearest bloggy friends, my twin! I love reading her blog ( and hers is one of the cutest ever, just go check out that adorable header!), working with her at Exemplify and keeping up with all her sweet tweets! We share a penchant for snuggies, snow, David Crowder*Band and quotes. How could I not love her?




So the rules that go with this award are as follows: Use only one word answer the questions, pass along to six favorite bloggers, and tell 'em you did so.


1. Where is your cell phone? desk

2. Your hair? bedhead

3. Your mother? goofy.

4. Your father? goofier.

5. Your favorite food? fries

6. Your dream last night? random

7. Your favorite drink? water

8. Your dream/goal? liveonpurpose

9. What room are you in? bedroom

10. Your hobby? writing

11. Your fear? barren

12. Where do you want to be in six years? motherhood

13. Where were you last night? home

14. Something that you aren't? thrillseeker

15. Muffins? blueberry.

16. Wish list item? macbook.

17. Where did you grow up? oklahoma.

18. Last thing you did? type.

19. What are you wearing? pj's.

20. Your TV? off.

21. Your pets? cute.

22. Friends? precious.

23. Your life? awakening.

24. Your mood? hopeful

25. Missing someone? yep.

26. Vehicle? meh.

27. Something you're not wearing? hat

28. Your favorite store? target

29. Your favorite color? red

30. When was the last time you laughed? recently

31. Last time you cried? tuesday

32. Your best friend?(s) bubbly

33. One place that I could go over and over? beach

34. One person who emails you regularly? sister

35. Favorite place to eat? ted's

And now I'm supposed to pick 6 bloggers to give this award to. I love so many blogs that this is a hard one for me, but I'm going to plunge in, head first and pick 6.

1. Rachel

2. "Elle"

3. Kari

4. Isunji

5. Lauren

6. Lois Lane

Thanks again Christy!

Random Dozen: A New Year, Fresh Random!

So The Biggest Loser did not disappoint last night. My hometown team made me proud and per usual, I cried. I can't wait to see how they and the other teams do this season (and the twins being up for elimination was absolutely heartbraking). But you didn't come here to get my very detailed review of The Biggest Loser, you came for the random. And I am here to serve.

1. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a cranky-baby-hissy-fitter, how much of a complainer are you? I'd say a 7 or an 8. I am pretty darn good at complaining. And I've been known to hit a ten+++

2. When someone else is talking, do you listen, or are you thinking about what you're going to say in response? Depends on who is doing the talking. But I find that I am a great multitasker and part of my brain really is listening while the other part is formulating a great response. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

3. I just deleted 1062 messages from my email account. Do you have any plans for a clean sweep this month--of anything? My bedroom. So far the floor is pretty much cleaned off and most of the dirty clothes (yeah, I said it) are sorted for laundry. I did about four loads on Sunday and have four or five more loads to go. Ask my sister, I have A LOT of clothes.

And now, here are some brilliant questions from a gal named Angie at Angie's Ad Lib who graciously offered to let me borrow her brain. Please go over and see Angie because it was so nice of her to help me out. Thank you so much, Angie!

4. Tell us about your perfume. Was it a gift? What does it remind you of? Do you have a signature scent? I started wearing Philosophy's Amazing Grace a year ago at Christmas and it is my absolute favorite scent ever. It reminds me of a song, but for some reason I can't remember the name of it, but I'm sure it is a hymn, or something....anyways it is a clean, fresh sweet scent, not too overpowering. It is my signature scent. For years I wore Happy from Clinique, but my dad told me one too many times that it reminded him of bug spray. In fact, Amazing Grace is the only perfume I've never heard him comment negatively on when I get in the car with him to drive somewhere. Before Happy I wore Lauren by Ralph Lauren, until one day in Student Senate at college one of my fellow senators asked me what scent I was wearing and, when I told her, informed me that she loved that scent, her grandmother wore it. Which ended my run with Lauren. So there you have it, my history of fragrance. Your welcome.

5. What is your best organizing tip for the new year? Sort and purge, sort and purge.

6. What is your favorite comic strip? Calvin and Hobbes

7. Do you sleep with a fluffy or flat pillow? Several fluffy pillows. Flat pillows are the devil.

8. What color is your kitchen? Why did you choose that color? Well, it's my momma's kitchen, so I didn't pick the color. It's sort of a caffe latte color. I prefer a red or yellow or white kitchen with red accents. I love red.

9. What’s the most interesting bumper sticker you’ve seen? I'm not much a fan of bumper stickers really. The last one I saw that caught my attention said this though: Okay, Jokes over, bring back Bush.

10. Do you prefer an expensive writing tool or whatever is lying around? (Are you a Montblanc or a Papermate?) I prefer a gel ink pen in black, but for the life of me I am looking around my desk and can't find anything but a Bic, so I must not be that picky.

11. What chore doesn’t feel like a chore – you just enjoy it (at least most of the time)? Seriously? Never been a fan of chores, I could rattle one off to you but the minute my sister reads this she'll call me out on it. So. I plead the fifth.

12. If your parents often repeated themselves, what is something one of them said more than once My dad says None-ya a lot. A lot.

So there you have it. A fresh new Random Dozen for a fresh new year. For more head over to Linda's 2nd Cup of Coffee for more.

A Little Lost Quiz is In Order

First things first, I am having a hard time parting with my Merry Christmas blog design. It's pretty, don't you think? So it stays for a little while (maybe just a day) longer. Secondly, I am pretty excited that The Biggest Loser is on tonight, because it always inspires me as I watch it (whilst eating dessert, ahem), and because a local couple is on the show this season. I've never actually met the mother-son duo, and I'm hoping they don't shame my fair city, but right now I'm really excited. I hope they do well. But the real reason for this post is to shout this from the rooftops: 4 WEEKS FROM TONIGHT THE SEASON PREMIERE OF THE FINAL SEASON OF THE GREATEST SHOW EVER IS ON TV (LOST for those of you who are truly missing out on one of the small screens great treasures). Yeah. I'm a little excited about it. Can't you tell?

So I thought I would do a little quiz in honor of THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME. So you know I am Sun (because quizzes from Blogthings are ever so accurate, and Juliet wasn't a choice).

You Are Sun

You have a past history of being secretive and deceptive. You're the type of person who will protect yourself at all costs. While you can be crafty when you need to, you are usually giving, friendly, and likable. You truly care for other people, and you are very sensitive. People tend to underestimate you. You seem like a fragile flower, but you're not. You are gutsy and clever. You have a way of getting what you want without anyone noticing.

Who Are You on LOST?

Four more weeks! Four more weeks!

A Word. 2010, Be Kind To Me.

I wrote yesterday that I stalled out a little on making resolutions for this year. And that's true. But long before I finally committed to those lofty goals I had a word to focus on for 2010. That was something I wasn't expecting. I mean, if I wasn't even sure about my time honored resolutions why would I even bother with an (awesome) idea I had only heard about last year through a bloggy friend (the best cupcake around!)?

But there it was. Just like last year, it kind of perched in my soul. Quiet, but unmistakable. And, to my surprise it brought a friend with it. Now the first word was hard enough. I know it is an area of weakness for me. A part of my life and my relationship with God and others that has always been a little lacking. But the second? Sweet Lord I don't even want to go there. But Somebody did. (Kind of like He was saying, "Kara you don't want to go there but I do and what better way than to make it a focus this year." God. You gotta love Him and His sense of, well, everything).

I guess I should hold you in suspense no longer (I like to entertain the notion that reading about my life is THAT! EXCITING!). Drumroll please.

My 2010 word is




TRUST


Anyone want to guess the second? I'll give you a hint. Think Sunday School song. Or we could play fill in the blanks. Trust and (fill in the blank)/ for there's no other way/ To be happy in Jesus/ than to trust and (you get the point by now, don't you?).



TRUST and OBEY.

This is a tricky one for me. See, I'm just enough obedient to conceal the fact that I'm really rebellious. I call it by names like "control freak" but the truth is I have a serious struggle with obedience. I like to do things my way. I like being in control. I don't like being told what to do and how to do it. And me and God? Well, this is a point of contention that has been ongoing for most of my life.

And this is the year God decided we're going to tackle it head on. And it's just like Him to give it to me in such a way that He knows I'm going to share on my blog, because, well that's what I do. Which means accountability. He's good. He's really good.

Trust and Obey. The really do go hand in hand, don't they? I don't obey largely because I don't trust. I'm a control freak who thinks I know best because I don't trust anyone else to do it the way I think it should be done (even God, if I'm being honest and at this point, why not be completely honest about it all?).

But this year God is calling me out on my trust issues. On my rebellious nature. On being a control freak who is afraid that God can't be trusted with my heart of hearts. And He wanted you all to know it. That's just like Him.

So this is my prayer, today, and, I hope, every other day of the year. "God, I concede control of me today. Not that I really ever had it to begin with, but just the same, I surrender. I trust You. Help me to trust you completely. Reign over me and shower me with the grace and love and mercy to walk today in obedience to You. Make my life what You will. Help me to follow You."

It's going to be an interesting journey, this 2010.

Finally, Some Resolutions!

I was overly ambitious with the resolutions last year. Actually, I started pondering them before Christmas. How's that for ambitious? Sadly, most of them fizzled out before Martin Luther King Jr. Day, but nonetheless. I was quite hopeful. This year I have been a little more skiddish about such things. Last year was kind of a dreadful year. Lots of things happened that not even the most insane resolution list could have prevented, but I ended 2009 a little hesitant to make such big resolutions as last years. Why would I want another year of disappointment?

So here I am, the second day of a new year in a new decade. How can I be sure that this year will be better than the last? Than the last ten? The last 32? Part of me wants to just forgo the resolutions this year. After all, if I never really keep them then isn't making them just a waste? But then there's that other part of me. The hopeful part. The childlike side that still jumps up and down in gleeful delight at the sight of snowfall. The hopeless romantic that still believes her true love will come someday, soon. The hungry soul that still pursues the God she's never seen. The person who, after such a year of trials large and small, still thinks resolutions are a good idea. Who still believes this is the year that will be different.

I hope this is the side of me that wins out in 2010. So here are my resolutions. They're not here for your benefit, but for my own remembrance. I lay them before my King as well, in great hope that He, working in me, will see them through.

My heart still hopes.

1. Lose weight. It's always on my list. Last year I managed not to gain back all that I lost in the first 6 months of the year. It was a relief to get on the scale this morning and find that out. But this year I'd really like to meet my weight loss goals.

2. Get up earlier in the morning. The reason is threefold. One, the most important, is to have a quality quiet time before the Lord. This part of my life has been lacking over the last few months. In return, a lot of other things in my life have suffered for it. I don't want this year to be that way too. Second, to exercise. See resolution #1. Lose weight. Exercise is an important part of that. Third, to blog and be a better part of the greater blogging community. I really don't have any other time to catch up on my google reader than in the morning. And you guys are really important to me. But over the last few months I have really neglected you too! And I don't want to do that this year.

3. Organization and Decluttering. Last August I started a mission organization project with great gusto. Sometime after Labor Day that all fell apart. The only thing I really completed was my closet (but yay for completing something, right?) and the rest is still a mess. I believe a decluttered life will be a happier one. So.

4. Better Money Management. I would like to get some of my debts paid down, and save towards getting a new laptop and a car. Also, I would like to save money for a family vacation this summer. I want to make wiser spending choices than I've made in the past.

5. Be a More Loving Sister, Daughter, Friend and Sister in Christ. It's that continuing debt that is never paid off, right? To love and love more. I want to become a woman who loves well. And I am most certainly not there yet. But it is a goal.

6. Have a Passionate {and consistent} {and purposeful} {and dynamic} Prayer Life. As I mentioned in resolution #2 my quiet times have been lacking. So has my prayer life. I've been thinking about the scripture in James that says you have not because you ask not, and I realize that I haven't been asking much. What a different year I could have if I would do just that.

Also, I have a word for the year, but I will share that on another post. This word scares me. I'm not gonna lie. But I believe more than anything that God has given it to me this year. And I cannot wait to see where He takes me.


My heart still hopes.