I wrote yesterday that I stalled out a little on making resolutions for this year. And that's true. But long before I finally committed to those lofty goals I had a word to focus on for 2010. That was something I wasn't expecting. I mean, if I wasn't even sure about my time honored resolutions why would I even bother with an (awesome) idea I had only heard about last year through a bloggy friend (the best cupcake around!)?
But there it was. Just like last year, it kind of perched in my soul. Quiet, but unmistakable. And, to my surprise it brought a friend with it. Now the first word was hard enough. I know it is an area of weakness for me. A part of my life and my relationship with God and others that has always been a little lacking. But the second? Sweet Lord I don't even want to go there. But Somebody did. (Kind of like He was saying, "Kara you don't want to go there but I do and what better way than to make it a focus this year." God. You gotta love Him and His sense of, well, everything).
I guess I should hold you in suspense no longer (I like to entertain the notion that reading about my life is THAT! EXCITING!). Drumroll please.
My 2010 word is
TRUST
Anyone want to guess the second? I'll give you a hint. Think Sunday School song. Or we could play fill in the blanks. Trust and (fill in the blank)/ for there's no other way/ To be happy in Jesus/ than to trust and (you get the point by now, don't you?).
TRUST and OBEY.
This is a tricky one for me. See, I'm just enough obedient to conceal the fact that I'm really rebellious. I call it by names like "control freak" but the truth is I have a serious struggle with obedience. I like to do things my way. I like being in control. I don't like being told what to do and how to do it. And me and God? Well, this is a point of contention that has been ongoing for most of my life.
And this is the year God decided we're going to tackle it head on. And it's just like Him to give it to me in such a way that He knows I'm going to share on my blog, because, well that's what I do. Which means accountability. He's good. He's really good.
Trust and Obey. The really do go hand in hand, don't they? I don't obey largely because I don't trust. I'm a control freak who thinks I know best because I don't trust anyone else to do it the way I think it should be done (even God, if I'm being honest and at this point, why not be completely honest about it all?).
But this year God is calling me out on my trust issues. On my rebellious nature. On being a control freak who is afraid that God can't be trusted with my heart of hearts. And He wanted you all to know it. That's just like Him.
So this is my prayer, today, and, I hope, every other day of the year. "God, I concede control of me today. Not that I really ever had it to begin with, but just the same, I surrender. I trust You. Help me to trust you completely. Reign over me and shower me with the grace and love and mercy to walk today in obedience to You. Make my life what You will. Help me to follow You."
It's going to be an interesting journey, this 2010.
Seen it. Read it. Heard it.
1 day ago
6 comments:
Bloggy Twin.
I so hear you.
Control freak, perfectionist, whatever you want to call it... it really is about Trust and Obedience.
Know that I will be praying for you. Trust is hard for me too...although not nearly as hard as it was 4 years ago. Our Abba Daddy...He is so good.
Same here...I think those two words have been the toughest for me also, especially when it comes to God. But I'm learning...
Best wishes...
Ouch. Thanks for calling out my control-freakishness for what it is! :P
When I was just going into labour with my boy, I was so discouraged and afraid. Discouraged because I had had EIGHT (I'm so not kidding) false labours with his sister (who's quite the stubborn one, even today!), and I was sure this was going to be repeated with her brother, and afraid because that same sister had a very scary delivery that almost made me decide to not have any more kids. As I was crying out to God, the words He spoke to my heart were those very same words He speaks to yours: "Trust and obey". For me, that obedience had to come in the form of yielding to His will, no matter what happened. And after a very long and bizarre labour, I was very relieved my son was born just perfect.
'Kay, that was an epic comment! All that to say at the end of it all, you will be so glad you've listened, trusted and obeyed.
And you rock. That is all.
Wow kara, good luck but also I'm really looking forward to it. As you know I got that little issue with trust too. I think I'll take head (is that how you spell it?) and learn from you with what you have to say about it. I'll try to too.
I so appreciate your honesty, Kara. Amazing. I mean, many of us think of about these things but you just put it out there for God and all of us to read. Good for you! :-)
It is so good to meet you!!! Love your blog!!
It's amazing how you can make me chuckle even during a serious post. You must have a gift.
I love the words of the year. I can't wait to see how yours pan out this year. :)
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