Because I Like My Mondays With a Holy Slap in the Face

Nothing like an extra dose of "just who do you think you are?" from God's word to start your Monday morning. That's just what happened when I opened my One Year Bible to read the selection from Job this morning. For the first 37 chapters of this book, Job has gone from an unquestionably righteous and blessed man to one of whose righteousness is put into question by three (not so good) friends and some young guy because everything in Job's life from children, livestock, home and health have been taken away suddenly. Job spends a lot of time trying to defend his case. His buddies spend a lot of time trying to get Job to see that surely he is evil and deserving of such calamity. Finally in Chapter 38 God speaks up and they all shut up. God slams Job with the questions only God Himself can answer, questions that leave us all realizing none but God is sovereign, powerful and worthy. Questions like....

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?

Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn it's place?

What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside?

Can you take me to their dwellings? Surely you know....

Have you entered the storehouses of snow or seen the storehouses of the hail?

Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom?

Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?

Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades? Can you loose the cords of Orion?

I almost sense a holy sarcasm as God shoots off these questions one by one in rapid-fire succession. Of course, like Job, I am dumbstruck. I can get all high and mighty from my lofty view of my life, certain I could do a better job (oh the utter foolishness, but oh, how I've been there), but then God ever so not gently reminds me in His holy word how ridiculous my claims are. Who am I to determine what's fair or not, what is just, what is right? Who am I to have any claim at all on how God should work? I have nothing to stand on in the presence of God that could possibly make me worthy of doing His job. Nothing. When I consider all these things He mentions in the last chapters of Job, I can do nothing but be awestruck. He is a sovereign, righteous, holy creator God. He sees all, knows all, creates all, and determines the ways and steps of all.

Who am I to think I could do a better job? Who am I to lament the course of my life to the one who determines my steps?

Is your Monday officially wrecked? Mine too.

Caffeinated Randomness: I Never Said I Was Original

I think the test of a good cd is whether or not it can stand being on constant repeat all day for a couple days in a row. NeedToBreathe's The Outsiders is passing with flying colors. I think I like it even better than The Heat (their last cd) and it has taken over Christy Nockels Life Light Up as best cd of the summer for me (so close Christy, but I still love you to pieces!).

I have over 30 movies in my queue at Netflix. Since the fall and spring are normally taken over by wonderful tv shows, I get most of my movie watching in during the summer. To illustrate my point I'll tell you that I've had Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 out since February. And then I lost it. Thanks be to my time on his hands retired Dad, who found it underneath the dvd player yesterday. It will be watched or return this weekend, I haven't decided which. I've also finally watched Australia (which I loved and which invigorated a crush on the lovely Hugh Jackman) and Slumdog Millionaire (and I made my dad skip back to the start of the end credits so I could watch the awesome dance sequence again, talk about making a girl smile! Oh how I adored it), which was an awesome movie, simply awesome. This weekend I'm going to tackle The Soloist and Confessions of a Shopaholic. See, they need each other, to balance out the sad and the silly. That's just how I roll.

And since I loved this on Andrea's CR post today, I had to follow suit. Blogthings is such a wonderful timewasting delight, yes? This is the same one Andrea took, where I found out the hidden meaning of my name. All Kara's are alike, don't you know?

You Are Smart and Curious

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Ask anybody, I am so wild, crazy and definitely a huge rebel. Oh yes. I was feeling a little eerie about the sort of accuracy of the quiz results until I saw that sentence. So close, blogthings, so close.

Let's do just one more shall, we? These are too much fun. I know you love it too. In this one, which tree I prefer is supposed to tell me all about myself.

You Fascinating and Truthful

You are a responsible person who enjoys taking care of others. You believe in honest work and taking on commitments. You have a good character. And while you are very trustworthy, you are by no means boring and dull. You are bright, quick, and witty. You are a nonconformist who always has something interesting to say.

The Tree Test

Ooh delightful! I particularly like how they reverted back to Caveman speak for the title, You fascinating and truthful, haha!

Have I effectively wasted enough of your time? Mission accomplished! Happy Friday!

Enjoy more Caffeinated Randomness at Andrea's Under Grace and Over Coffee.

Just Consider This a Kara with a K PSA

I would be remiss not to tell you about the awesomeness that is NeedToBreathe's newest cd, The Outsiders. It is chock full of wonderful songs like Lay 'Em Down, Let us Love, The Outsiders, Through Smoke and Won't Turn Back. It has been on constant repeat in my iTunes since I downloaded it Tuesday evening. It's like Counting Crows and Third Day (in their late 90s heyday) and Kings of Leon and Tom Petty all decided to mesh together to bring forth awesome. Wherever you go to get your music, iTunes or Raphsody or Wal-Mart or Lifeway or wherever! Go get this one. I promise you won't be disappointed. Unless you don't enjoy awesome music, in which case you aren't even reading this post anymore anyways.

Weariness and Hope

I woke up this morning and decided enough was enough. Enough of moodiness/quasi-depression, enough of the stale quiet times with God, enough of the whatever it is I am going through. Enough. Still blurry eyed from not enough sleep I prayed a simple but heartfelt prayer to God for His mercy and grace, for forgiveness and for strength. I felt a full-fledged depression coming on if I didn't get out of this funk, and I wasn't going to wait for it to take hold of me.

I said yesterday was a moody day. The truth is, I've been feeling that way for about a week or so. Which, in terms of depressed seasons in my life is relatively short. But knowing how horrible they can be and how long they can last kind of shook me up this morning. I don't want to go through that again.

The first thing after my prayer and feeling of resolution, I let me and God get to the bottom of what was messing with me. And we figured it out. Fatigue, frustration, the why bothers? had caught up with me. I'm in the middle of my organization project. I've seen a lot of progress but I still have a ways to go. And I'm tired of doing it. I'm in the middle of a weight loss battle. I've made it just so far, but still no end in sight. And I want to give up. I'm still waiting on future promises yet fulfilled. Some big ones (like marriage and children), some little ones, but the resolution of them is in an unforeseen future while I'm weary waiting right now.

So disillusionment set in. Fatigue gave way to retreat from all these things. I've indulged in joy stealing daydreams and time wasting folly. Then I got more frustrated that I'm not seeing any results because, of course, I'm no longer putting any effort into things like the organizing project or exercise. Have you ever been there? Two words. Vicious. Cycle.

God had a word for me this morning. I'm so glad He did, because I was desperately needing it. And it came in a familiar, yet comforting passage of scripture. I have been especially blessed by the Message version this morning, and that's the one I will share with you.

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or whine, Israel, saying, "God has lost track of me. He doesn't care what happens to me"? Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles. They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind. Isaiah 40:27-31

The NIV says those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. I don't know
if you've read my blog for long but back in January I felt like God gave me a
word to focus on for 2009 and it was hope. In the beginning of the year I was
seeing it everywhere. Somewhere along the way I just stopped looking for
it. But praise the Lord, it found me.

It's a moody day today. And by moody I mean I'll bite your head off if you get too close. My sinuses are screwy, making my head hurt, I've gained about 4 lbs and have been regularly missing my Weight Watchers meetings. I overslept too. I didn't really want to write anything today, but for some reason I wanted to tell you all that I'm having a bad day.

I purchased The Prodigal God yesterday. My sister made a comment on one of my previous posts about this book telling me that I was like the older brother and she was like the younger. Which, if I can tell, means I'm kind of like a Pharisee. When I emailed her that, she called me and told me that she didn't think I was a Pharisee and I just had to read the book and I would understand why I'm like the older brother. So I made a quick run on my lunch break and picked it up. I can't wait to write more about this fabulous book. Tim Keller is amazing. I was listening to a podcast of his about the community of Jesus and it was unbelievable. I found it on iTunes under Redeemer Presbyterian (all the available podcasts are from a few years ago, now you have to go their site to hear newer ones, but those older ones are fabulous!). Maybe more on that later too.

Last night over dinner my parents and I discussed all kinds of silly, meaningless things that mean nothing to anybody else but us. I love those kinds of conversations. I chattered on and on about the upcoming fall season of tv (because I do have a life people), how I'm looking forward to Community and Flash Forward and The Office (I hear there's going to be a Jim and Pam wedding, yippee!) and in the interest of full disclosure, the new NCIS show with Chris O'Donnell. But that's pretty much just because it has Chris O'Donnell in it. He has been a crush of mine for over 16 years. That is a (in my mind only) relationship that has stood the test of time. Now a most likely cheesy crime procedural show is going to put that relationship to the test. Will it last? Who knows.

I also was telling dad about Entertainment Weekly's list of the 25 most manly movies of all time (by now you can tell that we talk about deep and important matters around the dinner table). I asked my dad what he would have considered to make the list. He said Lawrence of Arabia (there aren't any women in it, what could be more manly than that? he said), Blazing Saddles, The Magnificent Seven, The Dirty Dozen, Braveheart and his favorite movie The Fifth Element. I have to tell you that a lot my dad's films didn't make the cut. But he does love him some Fifth Element. I'll never forget sitting around one day and my dad spoke up, out of nowhere and said, "The fifth element....is love". My dad is deep, ya'll. We kid him about that one a lot. But he stands by his sci-fi Bruce Willis/Milla Jovovich flick. My sister even named her cat after Milla's character Lelu.

You know what, I think the Fifth Element has cheered me up. Thanks, manly movie loving Dad.

Prayer Confession

I am struggling with my prayer life lately. Just typing that I can breathe a sigh of relief. Oh the burden of trying to be super spiritual all the time, it weighs you down. So I'm getting this out in the open. I'm struggling. I'm having trouble forming words into prayers. I forget what to ask for. I don't know how to pray about certain situations. I worry that my faith will falter when asking for the big things, and that the small things are too small to even mention. And I promise you, I know better. I know that with God nothing is impossible and that He has every hair on my head numbered. I know that He is in the details and that He cares for us. But still I struggle. Have you ever felt that way?



I hate this feeling. Because I look around and there are a multitude of issues and people and worries and desires to lift to the Lord. I know He has the answer, the solution, the aid for every single one. I know that He is already aware of every one of these things. I know that I don't have to put on airs or try to impress him with my eloquent words (in fact, if I'm honest I know that God of language and poetry is most likely underwhelmed and unimpressed with the most eloquent speech I could ever muster). I know He sees my heart and my true intention. So why am I at a loss for words?



The thought occurred to me today that maybe there's a reason for this prayer rut I'm in. Maybe it's not a rut at all. Maybe it's God ordained. Perhaps I'm in a season of quiet. Of listening instead of talking. Of being still and knowing that He is God. One thing I do know, my nature when I feel this way is to retreat. Back off from God. I guess I feel like something is wrong if I can't share and talk and go on and on praying. So I don't talk to Him at all. But not this time. Instead I'm going to do this: sit. Soak up Him in quiet. Meditate and praise and listen.



I'm going to take some advice from the wisest man who ever lived: "God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few."

Pray that I listen and listen well.

Now Saturday Has To Be Wednesday

And Saturday doesn't like that one bit.


So I have to work today. That's the trade off for a day off in the middle of the week. Friday nights are really not the same when I know that Saturday is going to be a work day. I can't full on frolic in the joys of the upcoming weekend. It makes Psych seem a little less enjoyable too (but I did giggle quite a bit during last nights episode and the psych out at the end was particularly delightful, as I loved me some Terrence Trent D'Arby back in the day).

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. For dinner tonight, my dad is cooking homemade hamburgers on the grill, and I have it on good authority that there will be caramelized onions and homemade hand cut french fries too. So there's that.

I am trying to decide if I want to go see a movie tomorrow afternoon or not. My mom and best friend really want to see The Time Traveler's Wife, but I don't know. I've never been the biggest Eric Bana fan and for him to be half of the love story is sort of disconcerting. I can think of a dozen other actors I would have rather seen in that role. That's what happens when they don't consult me first. Eric Bana wins.

After work today I am going to buy The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller. My sister is reading it (I think they are discussing it in a small group?), and I read a small excerpt online that has me all excited to have my brain all messed up with some good truth.

My heart really wants to stay online a little longer, perusing some new and old blogs, but I can't. Work calls. I must go. It's okay, Saturday. I still love you.

What I'm Pondering Today

Why would the physician's daughter go to a medicine man to treat her illness?

Why would the chef's child beg in the streets for some bread?

Why would the banker's daughter borrow money from a loan shark?

Why would the seamstress' child go about in threadbare clothes, cold and shivering?

Why would I, daughter of the King, try to get my needs met in any other fashion than asking my all sufficient, cattle on a thousand hills owning, giver of all good things Father?

That's what I'm asking myself today.

Caffeinate Randomness: Because Sometimes A Good Meme Is All You Need

So I wouldn't forget to write up this meme for Caffeinated Randomness I wrote in all caps in the title KARA DON'T FORGET THE RANDOM. But I did this a month ago. And I just remembered. How's that for random?

In One Word....

■Yourself: Progressing
■Your husband: Incognito
■Your hair: Longish
■Your Mother: Goofy
■Your Father: Provider
■Your Favorite Item: iPod
■Your dream last night: Forgotten
■Your Favorite Drink: Water
■Your Dream Car: Sequoia
■Your Dream Home: Country
■The Room You Are In: Bedroom
■Your Ex: Hmpfh
■Your fear: Rejection
■Where you want to be in Ten Years? Parenting
■Who you hung out with last night:Nobody
■What You’re Not:Skinny
■Muffins: Blueberry
■One of Your Wish List Items: Macbook
■Time: Unstoppable
■The Last Thing You Did: Read
■What You Are Wearing: Shorts
■Your favorite weather: Autumny
■Your Favorite Book: Bible
■Last thing you ate: Potato Chips

■Your Life: Simple
■Your mood: Curious
■Your Best Friends: Loyal
■What are you thinking about right now: Future
■Your car: Paid
■What are you doing at the moment: writing
■Your summer: hotanddryandmuggyanddidimentionhot
■Relationship status: nonexistent
■What is on your TV: nada
■What is the weather like:sunny
■When is the last time you laughed: morning

In other randomness news I found out today that my mom is not the best person to take with you to Mexico if you need some help translating. Because until now she thought Bueno meant hello. I asked her if she really thought that Taco Bueno meant Taco Hello. She sheepishly said yes. To think this issue might never been solved if not for Dora the Explorer (and my bff's daughter Addie, who loves Dora and was staying with us this morning).

And I wanted you to know that my Saturday in the middle of the week was a do-nothing success. Except I have fabulous highlights and lowlights in my hair (even my hair is anticipating autumn!).

You can find more caffeinated randomness deliciousness at Andrea's Under Grace and Over Coffee.

A Few of My Favorite Things About Being Single (The Post I Would Never Have Written at 29)

I totally expected to get married by my mid-20's. The naive dreamer in me actually planned on being engaged by the time I graduated from college. When that didn't happen I started grad school with similar hopes. Every year since I was sure that was the year I would finally meet and get closer to marrying the man God has for me.

Fastforward ten years. Still a single girl. Still holding out hope. You couldn't have paid me to tell you a thing I loved about being single three years ago. I probably would still be scratching my head a last year trying to drum up something. But God is changing me, working on me. And I am gradually learning to trust Him.

So, as an exercise in trusting God right here, right now, here are a few of my favorite things about being single.

• Knowing that I am exactly where God wants me to be. For all of my twenties and into my early thirties I fought this truth. I didn't want singleness to be where God wanted me to be. I just knew I could better serve him as the supercute wife of a supercute husband with some supercute kids. But I've since come to know, God knows better. Don't get me wrong, I still want to be married. And I still fully believe that marriage is somewhere down the road for me. But it's joy robbing to think that marriage is something I'm missing out on in the right now part of my life.

• Me time is pretty much all the time. Ah, the selfish joys of singleness. I can watch what I want to watch on tv, I can eat whatever I feel like eating, I can be a bum on a Friday night watching Psych and Monk and don't have to feel the least bit guilty about it. I can go and do pretty much whatever I feel like going and doing. The only problem is learning to breed out the self-centeredness that this part of singleness inevitably brings about. But for now, I love the freedom being single brings.

• Lots of alone time with God. I have no qualms about being by myself. I know people that hate to be alone but I'm not one of those people. I love a quiet house. I like to be by myself to think and write and read. I also considering this a great preparation ground for whatever God has for me in my future.

• More time to pray up the man I'm one day going to marry and the children I hope to one day parent. I figure either he or I really need the preparation time since this season of singleness is taking so long. So why not spend a lot of it praying for him and for me and for the children I hope we have? I've told you about my big long list of qualities I want in a husband. You gotta know it's going to take some time to get a man like that ready. And for me to be the wife that amazing man needs, I'm going to need more time to get ready too.

• Having single friends who know what it's like. Sure, having all that me time and knowing that God has me where I'm supposed to be is great. But it also stinks sometimes too. That's where "all my single ladies, all my single ladies" come in. They know what it's like. They know the hardships and the joys. So here's my shoutout to Jenna, Sheila, Deidre, and my bloggy twin Christy. You guys make it better.

You can read more favorite things at Amy's Filled With Praise.

It's Because Wednesday Got Jealous of Saturday

I am off work today...

I slept in until 8:20 AM this morning. I know you're impressed....

I'm getting my hair highlighted this morning....

I have church tonight.....

But beyond that, I have nothing on the day off agenda.

Isn't that glorious?

I might go all Pioneer Woman and cook a real meal for my parents (something with fresh corn, I am craving fresh corn).
I might join in the continuing saga of the great bedroom organization of 2009.
I might pull weeds in the flower beds (if it doesn't rain, oh please God, let it rain!).
I might see what's on Food network.
I might play on Twitter and Facebook all day.

It's no Saturday, but I'm going to do my best to make it rock.

It's Official

I have my own domain name now. You can find me at http://karawithakblog.com/

Isn't that wonderful? Carry on!

I Have a Vision...

Problem.



I'm trying to read blogs and type this post with one contact in and one contact out. Blurriness abounds. I try the keep one eye shut method, but it's not working so well either. Perhaps I should just shut both eyes? Hmmm. Could be interesting. Or it could mean my spellcheck will have to work overtime.



My sister is having Lasik this week. Lucky girl. It is the dream of my whole family, this perfect vision thing. My dad has thought about having Lasik for years. Since he has worn glasses his whole life, I cannot imagine what he might look like without them. My sister and I, on the other hand wear contacts all the time, so it wouldn't be a stretch. My sister wears the gas permeable kind and can give Annelle from Steel Magnolias a run for her money when one of her contacts is out of place, it's an especially sweet treat when she is in the driver's seat. Almost akin to when my mom's eyes are watering excessively and it's apparent she can no longer see the road. It's obvious our vision has effected many a drive. Let us all give thanks to the Lord above that we are all still alive and well. And that my dad and I do a lot of the driving.



I remember when I was twelve and it was time for my eye doctor appointment. At this point in time I was the only person in my family who didn't wear glasses. I felt left out. I might have prayed that I would finally need them as well. And that year was the year I finally got a prescription (be it a weak one). Just in time for my birthday I was fitted with some perfectly 80's big blue and black speckled glasses, the likes of which make me shudder to this day. They were bad, ya'll. Not as bad as the pink ones with a little bow on the side that my sister had chosen a few years back, but bad nonetheless. We all had bad eyewear taste back then. In fact, my mom didn't overcome her bad taste in glasses until about two or three years ago. It was as if she was trying to make a fashion statement based solely on her lenses. And that statement was I'm a bold, bold, strange woman with horrible taste in eyewear, don't make me tear up while I'm driving because I'll be putting everyone's life in danger, yes I will. Or something like that.

I can't help but think I've done something similar. Because of a lot of normal, human, flawed things in my life, my spiritual vision is blurred. I can't see eternity really well from here. And sometimes I can't accurately view all that's important right around me either. My eyes tend to focus on a lot of trivial things and so my ability to focus on the vitally important is often stunted. Instead of having eyes that have a lot of moisture to them, my eyes are dry from staring at the unimportant. I don't often weep at my own sin. I don't often weep at the injustices in this world. Instead I've been so focused on myself and my hopes and dreams and personal pleasures that I've missed out and now my eyes just won't focus.

I need spiritual lasik. I need to retrain my spiritual eyes to see what's important. I need the Holy God of my life to readjust my focus. I need something better than contact lenses that dry out or get lost, I need Him to give me His eyes (I'm feeling a Brandon Heath song coming on). His way of looking at things.

Give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see, everything that I've been missing, give me your love for humanity.

Monday Manna: Romans 8:38-39

For today's Monday Manna Joanne chose a great passage of scripture from Romans 8:38-39. What a delectable treat from God's word:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Here are some of my thoughts on this passage.

To quote Joe Purdy, "I just can't seem to get it right today". I guess I shouldn't expect much more from a Monday. I woke up with a headache, went out to water my flowers and got a wicked ant bite, wrote up my Monday Manna post and then it got deleted instead of published, ate a lunch that, delicious at the time, did not agree with me later (that's just putting it mildly, friends), and managed somehow to lose every single blog in my google reader (and there were a lot, I love you blogland!). If ever there was just cause for abandoning a day and running home to bed, this was it. But here I am. A little frazzled, but enduring nonetheless.

The crazy part is I came off of a great weekend. Saturday was incredible. I spent some time with two of my favorite people, my mom and my best friend. Later that evening my best friend and I led worship and it was one of those incredible times in God's presence. I was blessed, refreshed and overcome with the realization of God's nearness and His love. If I could have stayed in that place I would have.

Sunday was great too. Church was amazing (I'm feeling a trend there lately, awesome, awesome, awesome), I got a lot of stuff done at home, and I was still kind of on a high after the previous nights worship experience. I even slept better than I have in ages.

Then I woke up.

After enduring the incredibly unfunny, unpleasant day I came home to write this blog. And I'll be honest I was struggling. I didn't feel like writing about God's love. Truth is, I wasn't feeling His love at all. I was feeling the bad day. I was feeling stress, frustration and the nagging feeling that everything would be alright if I could just go back to bed and start over.

Then it hit me. Now is when I need to be reminded of that never lacking, never missing, never far off love. Now is when I need to rely on a God who has made certain that nothing, not death or life or angels or demons or headaches or ant bites or upset stomachs or computer malfunctions can keep me from His love. His nearness hasn't waned since Saturday. And no matter what tomorrow looks like, I can be sure of this truth. I can never be separated from his love.

Please go to Joanne's blog to read more Monday Manna

Crimson Stains and Overflowing Trashbags

This organization thing has taught me some things about myself. One, as I mentioned last post, I am horrible at finishing what I start. But this time I'm trying to remained focused, dedicated until this is over. Two, I do not like to throw things out. Today was pretty difficult. I'm still going through my clothes and reorganizing my closet. Basically every article of clothing has been on top of my bed for the last couple weeks (yay for spare rooms to sleep in!) as I go through them and evaluate what stays, what goes in the garage sale pile, what goes in the donate pile, and what (gulp) gets thrown away. Anything torn, stained or otherwise damaged gets tossed. It pains me to no end to have to throw away what is a perfectly good article of clothing, save for a set in stain or unfortunate tear. I think it's such a waste. After all, at some point I paid good money for that shirt or that skirt. Now it's useless. Or at best an expensive dish rag.

As I reluctantly stuffed these items into a heavy duty trash bag I thought about people with stained lives. People with regrets that are set in. Sins that seem to render them unacceptable for use. People who believe they deserve to be tossed out with the garbage because they've been damaged beyond repair. Just like my clothes they feel their stains are too obvious to hide, their faults too great to cover over. I know people who believe that. I have to say I have believed it on some level.

But we're wrong.

There is a hope for set in sin, for regrets that we wear like scarlet letters, for damage that is by man's estimation irreparable. You know where I'm going with this. "Come now let us reason together," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet they shall be as white as snow; though they are as red as crimson, they shall be like wool." Isaiah 1:18

It pained me to give up ruined clothing. But how small and insignificant is my struggle with throwing them away in comparison to how God feels about his stained, broken children? He won't throw us out. He won't deem us beyond redemption. He makes our sin stains white as snow. He lifts lives out of the pit all the time, giving them new hope and a new song, so that many will see and fear and put their trust in Him. That's what He's all about, Redeemer that He is.

Better than any stain fighter, don't you think?

Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.....

Little Confessions

They say confession is good for the soul (maybe it's like inner spring cleaning or something; So I'm just a few months behind). If that's true then once this post is published my soul shall be stocked up with goodness for awhile. Sometimes just getting it out there makes you feel better about yourself. They are just little things, but nonetheless. Let's get them in the open, shall we?



Sometimes I go to Angie's blog Bring the Rain solely to listen to the fabulousness that is David Crowder Band's All That I Can Say. I read her blog, and love it. I always enjoy the song, and since I can find it nowhere else, I make the trip there often.



I am the world's worst at finishing what I start. This phenomenon goes way back. My first journal (when I was 7 or 8 years old) is littered with starts of stories that never got past the first paragraph or two. Sad to say my draft folder on this blog is littered in much the same fashion.



I play Farmtown on Facebook. It's a game where you have a piece of land and you plant crops and send your friends trees and flowers and animals for their farms. And I feel like such a dork for being sucked into it's dorkiness. At first I was kind of obsessed, planting crops and watering flowers and tending to my farmer neighbors (see! I have other dorky friends who like it too!). Now it's just burdensome. But I don't want my crops or my flowers or my trees to die. So I keep. going. back. It's sad. Very, very sad.



While reading over a list I made five or six year ago detailing the qualities I want in a husband (I have a list circa 1994 and a list circa 2004. Both are ridiculously detailed, though 2004's is a little less perfection seeking, so if God makes me wait until 2014 my list may just say, single, available non-ape Christ loving man), I found something slightly disturbing (aside from the fact that I make such detailed lists. Ahem.) Amongst the requests for my future husband to be a spiritual leader with a great sense of humor and a desire to be a good father, I let God know that not only did I want my husband to be a music lover but I gave Him specifics for particular artists he should love. I wrote down Rich Mullins, Jars of Clay, Third Day and Casting Crowns. Ya'll. What was I thinking? I pretty much can't stand most of Casting Crowns music (don't hate me, but a lot of radio saturated Christian music doesn't appeal to me either, though there are exceptions). They have a song here and there that I like (I tolerate East to West and Somewhere in the Middle), but for the most part? Meh. So if my Casting Crowns music loving man comes along, I'm going to be stuck listening to them now. Because I. asked. for. it.


Oh and there's just one more thing.


I still live at home with my parents. That little bit of information I've kept from you, dear reader. I guess this thirtysomething feels like a loser to still live at home. But I do. Thanks to some very unwise financial decisions made in my early twenties, I am here. There is no way with my present debt and my present income to live anywhere else. Sometimes that makes me feel like a loser. Sometimes, though, I really enjoy hanging out with my parents, because I'm cool like that. And they are awesome. And I can have a lot more fun blog fodder now that you know this piece of information.

Think of me what you will, but still like me, okay?

You know what, my soul does feel a little better.

So It's A Lot Like Shock Therapy pt. 2

Not long ago I was sitting around talking with some people and we were doing what people often do: talk about other people. I joined in. I'm not immune. Mostly we were disgusted. Not with ourselves mind you, with them. The specific people we were referring to do leave a lot to be desired. They don't take good care of themselves or their children. Their poor children are filthy, not well fed, running around without supervision from careless, selfish, lazy parents. The parents live off (and perhaps even abuse) the welfare system (we pay for them, one of my cohorts said). They do drugs. They sleep around. They don't and won't keep a steady job. They can afford cigarettes and drugs and tattoos, but not adequate clothing for their children. We're sick over this, that these poor kids aren't cared for like they should be.



We did a lot of talking, but had very few solutions to the problem. Mostly the talk had to do with how wretched these people are, how pitiful the children are, how nothing will ever change.




But then God spoke. In that still, small, quiet voice deep inside my soul. These are the people Jesus died for. I stopped talking. I started pondering what He had just said. You don't send your one and only son to die for people who aren't valuable to you. You don't offer the greatest gift imaginable to people who you don't really want to give to. God loves these people (and their precious in His sight children), and he loves them immensely. Extravagantly.


That floored me.

I instantly remembered the scripture where Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick". Then another scripture came to mind: "I came to seek and save those who were lost." Then another, "All our righteous acts are as filthy rags." Then the clincher: "Go into all the world and preach the gospel." "All the world" includes that neighborhood I don't like to go to. It includes that trailer park those people live at. It includes our workplaces and our schools and our family reunions. It's more than just the Middle East and the remote tribes in jungles and on islands I've never heard of, it's also in my hometown.

This was way beyond God stepping on my toes. It was like He came right down in all his glory and pointed his holy finger right at my chest, saying, Just who do you think you are, Miss High and Mighty? Without Christ is without Christ no matter what your socioeconomic status is, how you dress, behave or raise children, or how grave your sins are. Everybody has fallen short of my glory. When I found you sin stunk on you just as wretchedly as it does on them. But I loved you then as much as I do now. And I love them right now, right where they are at.



And all the people said, "Ouch!"



I realized I've gotten it all wrong. I've missed the purpose of my being here. In that which matters most, I've discovered that much of what matters to me shouldn't. But these people and their souls do matter. They matter to God. They should matter to me.



Don't think miss high and mighty ran to these people the first chance she got, eager to tell them of the love they were missing. I told you my love is cautious. But for now, it's burning in my soul. I go to Wal-mart and I think, God loves these people that I casually walk past. My first inclination is to keep walking. So I do. So far I am failing miserably. I have to confess to that. But there is a burning inside. When it will overflow, I don't know. But it will. I pray it will.



It's time for Miss High and Mighty to take a hike. It's time for the Beloved to rise up. She knows this love she's been given isn't just for her, as immeasurable as it is.


This call to love; it is a call to go. To share His unfailing love with the most unlovable. They need Him as much, or more, than I do.



Love. It is not cautious. It is extravagant.



Lord, grace me to love extravagantly.





How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10:14-15 NIV

Caffeinated Randomness: Not Sure What I'm Going to Write About Edition

I struggling with the random today. I don't know why. Maybe it was my last post (and the post that is to come). Maybe it's the fact that I am running late this morning. I don't know. I just can't full on bring the random today. I know you're disappointed.

What, it's not the highlight of your week? Whatever.

Yesterday I got a manicure. I chose a new color from OPI called Conquistadorable Red. It is one of the prettiest reds I have ever seen. I love to have short, red nails. Except when they chip. So far, so good. When I was younger I could never keep polish on for more than a day. I thought it was a curse, because I would waste a good manicure every time. It was as if my nails could feel the weight of the polish and they just could not handle it. Weird, I know. I wish I could say when I overcame the polish weight fear thing, but I cannot remember. Sometime in my early to mid-twenties I suppose.

I read a wonderful post from "Rachel" yesterday. It got me thinking about my quiet time and I decided to make a point to bow before the Lord and get on my face before I started. What's funny is my thoughts right up to the point of bending my knees were about a silly situation that had me all flustered. I did not think the situation was silly. It was eating me up with worry. But as soon as I got on my face and started telling God how big I knew He was, all those worries melted. I realized God is way bigger than that silly situation. He knows the outcome, He knows my needs in it, and He can figure it all out and still make the sun come up on time. I felt both liberated and small minded. How do I let such little things worry me in light of such a great big God?

I'm thinking about making over my bedroom. For years it's been decorated in Americana stuff. Lots of red. Red is my favorite color but lately I've been drawn to teal, robin's egg blue, turquoise and aqua. Not all together, just those certain hues of blue. I'm thinking light beige walls (right now I have wallpaper, which isn't bad, but then again, it's wallpaper), one of the above mentioned blue colors in the bedding, and dark chocolate and (perhaps red) accents. What do you think? I also love the idea of a couple of iron bird cages (or maybe just one) and a couple pretty pictures of birds on the walls. I just don't know if I have the budget or the best interior decorating skills to go forth with it. I might post some pics of what my bedroom looks like after I finish with mission organization (yes, it's still going on) and see what you guys think. I'm thinking I need some HGTV intervention in a bad way.

You can read more Caffeinated Randomness at Under Grace and Over Coffee (and know that I am totally stealing Andrea's Always, Sometimes and Nevah Evah for next week's CR).

Happy Almost Weekend!!

So It's a Lot Like Shock Therapy

I've been reading a lot from the Message in Romans and Ephesians. I usually read and study out of the NIV but I have really enjoyed the fresh take on familiar scriptures. Mostly, though, I'm being challenged. Wanna taste of what God's been dishing up for me?

"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that." Ephesians 5:1-2.

So I'm being challenged in situations in my life, when wondering how I can be Christlike to those around me, the simplest and truest way is to love them. Love extravagantly, not cautiously. And that is difficult for me. Difficult because I am by nature cautious. I'm the person who not only wears but enjoys wearing her seatbelt. I like safety and rules and taking necessary precautions. What I'm faced with now, though, is realizing that all those necessary precautions don't apply when commanded to love. You could say that Christ loved dangerously. He had no regard for his own life and instead laid it down to love us. That scares me, excites me, challenges me and amazes me.



My love is nowhere near extravagant.



It is cautious. I'm not often found taking chances in regards to loving others. I know why. I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to take the chance of feeling rejection. I don't want to love someone else more than they love me (ouch. I just typed that). It is the truth though. Now everything I'm reading in the Bible tells me that my way of loving, while safe, isn't the way I am commanded to love. When I get right down to it, it's not loving at all.


So.



Did I mention I'm being challenged?


More to come later. More to come. God is at work in me, merciful One that He is.

A Few of My Favorite Things: Early Morning Edition

These are a few of my favorite things from this brand new day, which being pretty new, is shaping up to be awesome.

• This post from Mandy. Just what I needed to read this morning

• This scripture. To be reminded that his goodness and love are right there, pursuing me, always.

• (In)Courage. I am loving this new site. And one of my favorite bloggy friends has her first post up. Yay!

• My pug, Phoebe. Lately she loves to sit at my feet while I'm doing my morning blog routine. She teaches me to learn to sit at someone elses feet in the morning, and be still and know that He is God.

• Having an audience with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. When I stop to think about it I am completely and utterly amazed. The same One who fashioned the entire universe hears every little cry of my heart, every little prayer uttered.

• He speaks!

More and more I am learning that God is glorious and praiseworthy with each and every day of our lives. In the hour I've been awake I've seen Him all over. Lord grace me to continue to look for you all day.

You can find more A Few of My Favorite Things at Amy's Filled With Praise (this girl totally blesses my socks off with every post, don't miss today's).

Take That! Snooze Button

I've been asking God to be able to hear His voice better. It's a sincere prayer. I know that I don't hear Him as clearly as I would like. See, I need His guidance, direction, aid. I need His presence and His love and His plan to unfold in my life. To strike out on my own seems like a horrible idea, I need Him. So I've been asking Him, "Let me hear your voice."

I've been going along praying that prayer, waiting. I wonder if His voice will come in doses or when I least expect it. Not a whole lot happening, though. Then Monday morning comes. I wake up, it's still dark. So not 7 am, I think. I roll over and go back to sleep. I'm up at 7:20 after two slaps to the snooze button. Get up, read a devotional, jump on my computer, read some blogs, check facebook, check email, pray a little, get ready, run late for work. You know, typical Monday. Then Tuesday morning comes. I wake up, it's still dark. What is wrong with me? I roll over. Alarm goes off later, snooze a bit, get up. Same story, different day. You get the picture.

I thought it was strange to wake up that early. I'm not an early morning person. There have been times I disciplined myself to get up early in order to exercise or be somewhere extra early, but this was not my norm. I was pondering my early morning internal alarm when I realized something. Nothing was waking me up which made me think He was waking me up. Like a holy nudge. I felt a little like Samuel, hearing the voice of God and mistaking it for Eli. But instead of checking on Eli I was rolling over without a care.


I asked God last night if it was Him, wake me up again before my alarm. I even set my alarm thirty minutes early.

Sure enough.

I was blurry eyed and not excited, but then again I was. God had an appointment with me, and I didn't want to miss it. He speaks. Sometimes in early morning wake up calls. Sometimes in still small voices. Always in His holy word. I enjoyed our time together this morning, before dawn, just He and I. Most importantly, I heard Him.

I've discovered He is speaking a lot more than I am listening. So my prayer this morning is to stop rolling over. To stop resisting the holy nudges. To open my ears to listen.

He is speaking.

I don't want to sleep in and miss it.

Forgetfulness Stinks

My hands smell like garlic. Before you go off thinking, wow, that Kara with a K is seriously lacking in good hygiene, I'd like to inform you that I was cooking with garlic earlier this evening. Honest, I was. I love garlic. I've been accused of adding entirely too much when I cook, but I don't care. It is my favorite flavor enhancer to many dishes. I do not, however, enjoying having garlicky smelling fingers later. As in, three hours later while blogging and facebooking and thinking about bed time. Bedtime and garlic do not mix like spaghetti and garlic do. It's just wrong.


I read about getting the garlic or onion smell off your hands not too long ago. It sounded like a wonderful solution at the time and I told myself to remember said solution, as my tendency towards cooking with these two odorific food items is regular. You know how you hear or read something important or interesting and you make a mental note to remember it later because for some reason writing it down doesn't seem like a necessary thing at the time. Used to I could remember these things, but I think my mental note taker is on permanent holiday. So I have no idea what the get the garlic smell off your hands trick is. And now my hands stink. New mental note. Write the darned stuff down!



I wish I could say that my mental note taking/resulting forgetfulness was limited to garlic odor removal. It's not. I read precious, life changing scripture and devotionals and I think, remember this one, you'll need it later. You already know the rest. Then there are lessons God teaches me in my daily life and I think, this should be written down in case it comes up again (because let's face it, a lot of my issues and struggles come up again). But I don't write it down. Later when I am dealing with the same (or similar) struggle, I'm racking my overused (or is it underused?) brain trying to remember the last time I was in that place.

I'm also horrible at remembering the good things God does for me. His faithful, merciful, grace-filled, providential acts. There is nothing like going through a dry or trying season to make you long for tangible reminders of a time when God's faithfulness rescued you. It keeps you from being like those stubborn, forgetful, doubting children of Israel. The ones I ashamedly resemble at times. So I guess the point is, I'm trying be a better record keeper of life. The practical, the spiritual, the comical. That's where blogging comes in. That's where the half written journals come in.

I read wonderful insight from Elisabeth Elliot on this and (gasp!) kept it so I wouldn't forget. Here is some of what she wrote about the "Chronicle of a Soul":

"I kept a five-year diary from high school through college, and began
spiritual journals during my senior year in college (1948), which I continue to
keep. These are chronicles of growth: mental, emotional, and spiritual. It is
astounding to go back through them and learn things I had completely forgotten.
It is wonderfully faith-strengthening to see that indeed "all the way my Savior
leads me," hears my prayers, supplies my needs, teaches me of Himself. As God
said to Israel, "Thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led
these forty years in the wilderness."

So I've been challenged to be better at journaling. Sometimes it's here on the ol' blog, sometimes in handwritten journals tucked away inside my desk. Either way I want to be more faithful to remember God's faithfulness.

And it wouldn't hurt to be able to recall how to get the garlic smell off my hands too.

Yep. I Know. Angsty is so NOT a Word.

Note: I started writing this the week before my birthday in May. I get a little angsty around my birthday. I've mentioned that before, haven't I? So it's August and I'm not so much angsty. But when I was reading some drafts this struck a chord with me, because God let me have a mini epiphany recently, and it settled some questions that have been hanging out in my soul for a while. So I added some things to this angsty little post. It kinda reminds me of that scene in The Wedding Singer where Robby sings a song he wrote about his ex-fiancee and one part was written before they broke up and the other part after. But I will tell you I have not been listening to The Cure a lot lately. So there's that. If you've never seen the movie then you didn't get that reference. Hope you still read what I wrote though.



I am in need of a do-over button. Or maybe a reset button. A fresh start. A New Year's day with new resolutions all fresh to conquer. Anything but a plain old Monday. Anything but finishing what I started. But here I am. A Plain old Monday.

At almost 32 there are so many things I wish I could go back and change. Like college courses I should have taken more seriously, and precious relationships I let fall by the wayside. People I've offended, hurt and cast aside. Projects I started with gusto and then abandoned for something shinier, or at the very least more comfortable. Dreams forgotten, forsaken, forbidden. Chances I didn't take, words I never should have said. Things I should have let go of, things I should have held on to. Just your standard regrets. I guess we all have them. I told you yesterday that I get all angsty (still not sure if that is a word, but let's just go with it) near my birthday. I bet you can already tell who is going to be the life of the party, huh? Nothing makes me re-evaluate things like birthdays and New Years.

But this is what I've come to realize, the do-over is a fake out. Regrets are life stealing. Today is a really amazing gift from the greatest gift giver of all, God. I was watching my summer guilty pleasure Drop Dead Diva (which is a delight, I must say) and right then and there God spoke to me. A character on the show this week had been wrongfully accused of a crime and spent ten years in prison. As a result he lost his girlfriend, his home, his job. No amount of money was going to give him those years back, no matter how hard his attorney tried to get it for him. But he said he was tired of looking back, that he was ready to focus on the present and what lies ahead.

Hello, epiphany? Didn't know you like to show up in lighthearted chick shows. Seriously. And it was as simple as that. I realized I was doing way too much looking back. It's a time robber, that regret thing. No matter how much I try, I cannot resurrect the past and fix it. Oh how I want to. But I can't. It's impossible. What I do have is the wonderful opportunity of today's fresh start. I have the blessing of the present. I have the hope of a glorious future.

It was just last week that I wrote about living in the present. What I didn't tell you is that I have one foot stuck in the past and one foot stuck in the future. Try that balancing act sometime, it's so much fun. Or not. Anyways, I'm making a choice. No more regrets. God is the redeemer of my past and the hope of my future. Both are sealed. I'm okay with that. I'm trying to be okay with that. Which feels a whole lot less angsty.

I've made a lot of mistakes. Who hasn't? Bridges burned can be rebuilt. And when they can't I'll just have to find another way around. God has a plan for me. For you. And it isn't in the past. And though much of it is in the future, a lot of it, the vital part, is right now. The part of cooperating with him, and trusting him and doing the work of the Kingdom. It's right now. Not to negate the importance of preparation, because that's a now thing too. Seed sowing is a now thing. It's biblical. Waiting is a now thing. And of course, doing is a now thing too.

The present has never seemed so hopeful.

Bon Appetit' Means That Movie Rocked in French

I decided 30 minutes in that Julie and Julia was my new favorite movie. After watching it two times in two days I don't know if it's my favorite movie of all time (hello...It's a Wonderful Life, Sense and Sensibility, The Princess Bride? These may never be usurped as the best movies ever), but it was thoroughly enjoyable, inspiring and delightful. And it made me want to go home and cook something fabulous, or at least peruse some cookbooks and daydream about cooking something fabulous. With butter, of course.

I never thought French cuisine would appeal to me. Perhaps that's because I haven't had it displayed in all it's cinematic Julia Child glory. Sweet heavens some of that food looked absolutely divine (I cannot pronounce, much less begin to type some of the names of those recipes so I won't even try, but take my word for it, they looked unbelievable). And to take on the challenge of cooking all of those recipes (including Aspics, which I had thankfully never heard of or seen before now) and then blog about them over the course of a year; the woman was either insane or brilliant. I haven't decided which. Suffice it to say, tomorrow I will not be blogging some Rachael Ray 365 Days No Repeats cooking challenge. Though that would definitely be more my speed. That or cooking all the various Hamburger Helper's over the course of a month and blogging about them. Trust me, nobody wants to read that. So let's just leave at my ordinary day ramblings, shall we?

My mom kept nudging my leg during a scene when Julie Powell's character, after having an article published about her blog, gets sixty some odd messages from literary agents, magazine editors and publishing companies wanting to work with her. That big, pivotal moment when all of Julie's dreams were coming true. My mom wants that moment for me. She believes in the fairytale coming true. She believes in her daughters' achieving their dreams in a very Nora Ephron-esque movie ending kind of way. I love that about her. I acted all cool and slightly annoyed by her nudges, but I'm not gonna lie. I want the big dream come true story myself. Who doesn't?

At some point during the movie I also mentioned to God that I would like him to reserve one of those really nice husbands (like Julie and Julia's respective husbands) for me. Hey, it couldn't hurt to ask.

Go see it if you haven't already. I'd love to know what you think.

Caffeinated Randomness in Which I Might Wax Poetic About the Coming Weekend

Oh weekend, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

• Julie and Julia: I have waited all summer long for this movie to come out. Just watching the trailer last weekend I got a little misty eyed. So excited for this. I love Amy Adams, I marvel at Meryl Streep's range and there's food and blogging involved. It's going to be pure bliss, I just know it.

• Clinique Bonus time at Belk's. I am fortunate that now we have a Clinique counter at Stage here in town. But I never miss a bonus time within an hour radius of my house. I never have to buy moisturizer or mascara thanks to bonus time (and next month Dillard's will have one, so I'm going to stay on Bonus time high for a while).

• Psych and Monk are back! I really really really missed Shawn and Gus. And this is Monk's final season. It is a Friday night to be celebrated. What? I already told you I was a dork.

• Church has been spectacularly awesome lately. So I can't wait to see what God has in store for us this Sunday morning. I love that our God likes to exceed our expectations. Our pastor has been teaching on preparing to receive good things from God, and last week was on excellence. I know there are going to be some awesome truths taught this coming Sunday.

• Panera Bread for breakfast on Saturday! And I'm pretty sure there will be a pumpkin muffin with my name on it.

• SuperTarget!! (You people with a Target in your city, do you know the treasure you have? Don't take it for granted. Ever. We small town people are jealous.)

• More closet organization time. Okay. I might not exactly be excited about this one. But it must be done. And I do anticipate the final result. So perhaps by Monday morning I will be finished. Maybe.

In other randomness related thoughts, I'm thinking of having a John Hughes movie marathon in honor of his death. We're talking: Some Kind of Wonderful, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles. Sounds awesome, right? Those movies were a huge part of my childhood and teenage years.

Yesterday I was in Hobby Lobby and browsed the Autumn decor aisles. It made me smile. Then I found the Christmas stuff out. This did not make me smile. Too soon. But Autumn? I am totally ready for some leaves changing, sweater wearing, football watching, pumpkin adoring, soup eating good times.

Anticipating Autumn also makes me long for my tv shows to come back (and writing that made me feel like one of those old women talking about her soaps, bless my heart). The Office has been away too long. And I think I might already love the new show Community with Joel McHale and Chevy Chase. The commercials are cracking me up. And then there's Glee. I'm already planning on downloading some of the songs I've heard in the commercials (especially Somebody to Love, which they teased me with at the end of their preview back in May; that's a long time for me to wait for a song in this crank up itunes and buy it in two shakes world, thank you Glee for teaching me patience).

Alright I'm adequately pumped up for the coming weekend (and autumn)! How about you? Need a little more caffeineated randomness to fuel you? Check out Andrea's Under Grace and Over Coffee.

A Few of My Favorite Things: or People

This morning I didn't get this blog up before work, so I waited. I feel like I'm late to the party, but I wanted to share a few of my favorite people with you today. Of course there are more than this list, but I just wanted to give shout outs to a few that I love dearly.

• My sister, Jenna: We are 16 months apart, but couldn't be more different. I'm all flip flops and ponytails, she's all high heels and perfectly styled hair. I'm a big homebody, she loves to be out and about enjoying people, her big city of Austin, and her local pub. She's a ball of energy and I could literally sit for hours and do nothing more than read some blogs and watch tv. With all these differences I still think she's the best sister ever. She makes me laugh (she brings random to a whole other level), has great taste in music, movies and food, and she is super supportive of me (she is my most faithful commenter on this blog). She remembers the most random lines from movies and then she repeats them so that they become instant classics in our family (bullcorn, remember?). She is smart, witty, and a fashion diva. Who could ask for more in a little sister?
  
  

• My mom: Now mom and I are a lot alike. We look alike (I've had people I've never met before come up and ask me if I am Janey's daughter; it's insane), we like a lot of the same things (like hours of doing nothing, Clinique bonus time, going to the movies and gardening), and we work together. She makes me laugh too (mostly from saying words and singing songs incorrectly) and has prayed me and my sister faithfully. She may be the only person that wants me to get married more than I do. You could say she might be a tad overzealous for some grandchildren. You couldn't ask for a better mom.
  
  

• My dad: I wasn't close to my dad growing up. My sister was the daddy's girl and I was the momma's girl. It worked for us. We had our battles (two strong willed people are going to have their battles), and I'll be honest I had to work through a lot of bitterness towards my dad from my teen years. Now that I've grown older I've really come to appreciate my good old dad. He has a wonderful, dry sense of humor (always been a favorite thing about him for me anyways), he takes care of his family well, and he is a constant wellspring of trivia and information you never knew was out there. Oh and he is an awesome cook. This summer on vacation I had the best time hanging out in the ocean with him, listening to him tell me all about tides and the moon and other random stuff that is just stuffed into that big brain of his. I love him so much.
  
  

• My best friend Rachel. Rachel and I have known each other for a little over 10 years. We are five years apart in age and look like total opposites. She is a 6' willowy brunette with brown eyes. I'm a short, chunky and blonde. We have bonded over a love for the Lord and a passion for worshipping Him. One of my favorite things to do is sing with her (thos harmonies are heaven sent, let me tell ya). We've racked up hours of prayer with each other and I'm privileged to be called Aunt Kara by her daughter Addison. She encourages me as a single woman and never makes me feel like the fifth wheel when I am out with her and her husband. We totally have married couple trips planned in our mind once I finally meet and marry my husband. She is a great person to sing with, dream with and be myself with. I am so thankful for her in my life.
  
  

• My pastor Larry Murray. I've never known anyone with such integrity, love for the Word of God and diligence in living the principles of God. He is one of the most humble men you could ever meet. And he married Brenda, a woman who has been a mentor to me growing up. This man is faithful to his flock (even when he had offers to move away to bigger churches), faithful to the word (even when it made him unpopular) and faithful to God. I am so thankful he pastors our church. It just wouldn't be the same without him.

There are many, many more special people in my life. These were just some of the dearest to me. Amy's Filled With Praise has more "A Few of My Favorite Things". Go check it out!

The God of the Surprises

You would think a meteorologist in Oklahoma would learn. We're known for unpredictable, changeable, wild weather. We have tornadoes in the winter and snow in the spring. But she had to open her mouth and say so emphatically: "There is no chance of rain for this region over the next ten days." Something about a high pressure system that is stuck over our region that would keep out the cool front to the north. I'd call her a novice but even my trusty weather.com report showed a dry, hot, miserable day (and week) ahead. I hate August in Oklahoma. The delight of last week's unseasonably cool, wet weather was long gone.

Or not.

Because late this afternoon it came a flood. While some people might have been cursing the misguided weather girl and running to their cars to roll up windows, I was beyond ecstatic. I might have even stood at the door to my workplace and cheered.

I pray for rain a lot in the summer. My flowers need it. My dad's tomato plants do too. I don't personally know many farmers, but the one's I do really depend on the rain for their livelihood.
When I see a forecast like this week's I get a little moody. This time I didn't even consider praying for rain. Just let August be August, I thought. But God had different plans, and he really hadn't let any of us in on it. I, for one, am glad for the surprise.


God is the God of unexpected, improbable things. Like rainstorms that are impossible. Like changing a heart of stone for a heart of flesh. Like breathing life into a valley of dry bones. Like destroying a heavily fortified city with a shout and trumpet's blast. Like a scrawny teenager killing a giant. He likes making the unlikely happen. I dare say He revels in it. And I revel in Him.

So even if I'm caught without my umbrella, I'm gonna dance in the rain of God's impossibles made possible. He delights me with days like this.

The Post I Don't Really Want to Post

"What if my authenticity is filled with yuck?"

That's the question I asked myself and God while I walked this morning (short diversion: I walked today, as in, got my lazy self some exercise, yay me!). I've been battling the call to be real and sincere lately. See, I want to impress you. I want to matter to people around me. I want to be relevant. But can I be relevant at the cost of integrity and authenticity? Because, and this probably comes at no surprise to most of you, I'm kind of a dork. I have been known to reek with cheesiness. Cutting edge is not my game. I was once called a fun-hater and the label stuck like superglue. I hear the refrain of an old Scott Krippayne song "I'm not cool, that's okay, my God loves me anyway..." And just typing that makes me ten times not cooler than I was before.

And don't even get me started on sin. Carnality. Ooh that's a scary word. Because I can reek of that too. My sister once labeled this the God blog but so many times my real life displays anything but godliness. I can be rude. I can be judgmental. I have a propensity towards complaining. It's easier for me to be standoffish and cold than warm and friendly. And there is also my temper. I won't even get started on my temper.

But I don't really want you to see all of that. Hence, the fear of being authentic. The fear of what's really on the inside being displayed on the outside. The fear of people really really not liking what they see. That crippling fear of rejection.

So why am I even mentioning this? Why not keep it hidden from all of you? Why not keep pretending this is the God blog and I've got it all together, even in my goofiness, and project the image that I am super tight with the Most High? Why not keep things like they are?

Good questions. I don't know. But this was on my heart today. So I'm taking a stab at authenticity. Trying to make no show of who I really am. Full of insecurity. Riddled with doubt and frustrations. Struggling with myself and all those yucky parts. Battling laziness, selfishness and complacency.

But wanting to change. Still filled with hope. Mixed with a bit of dorkiness.

My Day Before Yesterday Was Awesome

*Originally to be titled My Yesterday was Awesome, but somehow magically it never got written, you know, yesterday. Strange, I know.


I had the best time Sunday. It was such a great time it overtook the joys of Saturday. That is a leap ya'll. Church was completely awesome, Sunday school was the best it's ever been, the message was powerful, the worship was amazing, the people were beautiful. I love church services like that. I love when our pastor is so excited over what's to come he dismisses us saying, "Get ready, church. Get ready." I tell ya, great things are happening. I am truly blessed and thankful to get to be a part of what God is doing. It's always better when we choose to be a part of His work, don't you think? So whatever He gives me to do in this church, I want to do it to the best of my ability. Whether it's paint, sing, teach, listen, serve, I want to be right there doing it, glad to be counted worthy to share in the work.

After church we met up at my bosses house to caravan down to Southlake for shopping, food and fun. Eleven of us went and had the best time you can possibly have in 100 degree Texas heat while shopping with little to no money. Well, at least I had little to no money (and for some strange reason I keep wanting to type know instead of no in front of money, weird huh?). I still had a blast. A friend of mine and I pondered on whether or not we were meant to marry rich men. I told her when I marry mine I would bring her back and we'd have ourselves a bigtime shopping spree. I believe she'll take me up on that.

After the shopping heat-infused delirium we ate at Cheesecake Factory for dinner. And let the people say Glory! I really do love that place and their meals large enough to feed a family of four. Orange Chicken is my favorite, so that's what I ordered. Many of the more self-controlled women ordered a salad or appetizer in anticipation of CHEESECAKE. Not me. I ordered the mammoth sized Orange Chicken because it's just not everyday one gets to enjoy the loveliness that is Cheesecake Factory. And I must tell you that it made for excellent leftovers on Monday. Yum. I pondered sharing a piece of cheesecake before my sanity returned and ordered one all to myself. I went with the carrot cake cheesecake, because why not combine two of my favorite desserts into one? I was not disappointed. That thing was glorious. And since my mom ordered my all time favorite, Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake, I was able to partake in a bite or two of hers. Best of both worlds.

We concluded our shopping excursion with a trip to Central Market. It probably seems silly to include grocery shopping as part of a shopping day, but we are talking about Central Market here. Oh the delights. I have always been partial to their olive bar and their soups and the gelato, oh my! Heavenly stuff, I tell you. God will be bringing the Central Market home to heaven at the end of days, you just watch. I found a new salsa and my favorite little mini chocolate mousse cake and tabasco flavored sesame sticks. My tastes are after all quite diverse. Or something like that. Not that I could eat another bite after Cheesecake Factory. It is better not to shop on an empty stomach after all.

So it was a delightful, albeit long day. I love being able to spend quality shopping time with some of my favorite girls. A couple of us really want to go back when it's a little cooler, which for North Texas would probably be November. Good times! And I'm ready for some Weight Watchers intervention!!

Monday Manna: Philippians 4:4-9

When I first started blogging I discovered Monday Manna on Kristen's blog. I loved it and jumped right in. As Exemplify magazine took off Kristen wasn't able to keep up with it and handed the reins over to Joanne at An Open Book. I wasn't able to keep up with it because sometimes I'm just plain lazy. It was something I truly loved being a part of, so here I am jumping back in again. Today's Monday Manna is on one of my favorite passages of scripture:

Philippians 4:4-9, and I'm using the Message version for today's writing: Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make is as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

I have spent a good deal of my life pining for tomorrow. Maybe not Tuesday tomorrow, but somewhere off in the future nonetheless. Even right now I'm looking forward to a weekend trip with my mom. Then next month I'm making another trip down to Austin to visit my sister, and oh the food we will eat and the fun we will have! Looking beyond that I'm anticipating a concert in October that I'm going to with my best friend. Oh, and then there's the Arts and Crafts fair in November, and THEN! there's Christmas, and it will be here sooner than I think. And lest I forget, one day, ONE DAY, I am going to meet my perfect someone and we are going to have the BEST! WEDDING! EVER! and I will go to Greece and Italy for my honeymoon and THEN! we will have four of the most beautiful, intelligent behaved children in the history of ever.

It's no wonder I can't live in the now. Everything I've told myself is worth celebrating is out there in the future. Don't get me wrong. I think these are good things. God given things. Rejoicing things. But if you asked me what is exciting and worth celebrating on this Monday, you'd hear crickets chirping in the background. This girl so full of anticipation would suddenly get all flustered with umms and hmms as I try to pinpoint something wonderful about the mundane present.

Then I read Paul's charge to us: Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in Him!

I have missed the boat. But reading this passage, I've realized the next one isn't coming in a couple of months. I can get on it today. I can celebrate God today. This is the day He has made after all. Those days I'm anticipating are going to be joyous, to be sure. But I believe from His holy scripture that this very day was handpicked by Him to be a joyous occasion for me as well. A day with opportunity to revel in Him, to celebrate Him all day. And this is the prize of everyday with God. Isn't that fantastic? Liberating?

I've been challenged by God's word today. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me on this God-made Monday.

You can feast on more truths on this beautiful passage of scripture at An Open Book.

Just a Little Encouragement for a Sunday

Here's a very encouraging verse I stumbled upon yesterday (it was in the 2007 calendar I found) while cleaning out the insane closet. I hope it can be encouraging to you today as it was to me last night when I read it.

The "worst" is never the worst, Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard. Lamentations 3:30-33 The Message

His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.....

He takes no pleasure in making life hard....

There were some hard things in my life last week, but I am finding that it's not the worst. And this scripture truly magnifies the why: My master never leaves me, he works tenderly, he gives me endlessly from his stockpiles of loyal love.

He is a good God, and I'm so glad He found me. Be blessed on this day the Lord has made! Rejoice and be glad in it!

Things I've Found in My Closet

Unearthed would be a better word. Oh God bless this undertaking, it might take me all of August at this point. What has amazed me is how much stuff I was able to cram, er, throw into a smallish space. The professional organizer lady from work might kill over if she saw it. Here's some of the joys I have found so far:

• 2007 calendar unopened and unused
• Gaggles of hangers sans clothing
• An ungodly amount of magazines
• More bags and totes than I care to mention
• A partial list of qualities I want in a husband, written in 1994 (and now I know why I'm still single, I had given God a pretty tall order. I also think perhaps God disintegrated pages 2 and 3 that they may never be seen again. That's just my theory anyways. But I'm sorta sad about that because quality #1 ends with a note saying see quality #22 which is on page 2. The world may never know what that one quality had to do with the other. Also note: Not only is God in the details, but so is Kara. Oh yes she is.)
• CD's purchased at a sale in 2007 (which I apparently never really needed if they stayed in my closet for two years)
• A huge box of clothes labeled fall college clothes (that would be circa 1996-97)
• Snowman flannel sheets
• A box of shoes I haven't worn since I moved in 2006
• A couple of Sonic kids meal prizes (why?)
• A coupon for oatmeal that expired 9/30/07
• An empty Harry and David's box
• A clock still ticking
• My baby photo album (pretty sure my mom doesn't know I have that, pretty sure I didn't know I had it either.)
• An old wallet with receipts still in it

Basically all proof that I haven't tried to clean out my closet in 2 years. Or something like that. I am aided by the lovely voices of Christy Nockels, Rita Springer and Mandy Mann on this journey. They are helping to make this a lot more enjoyable, or at the very least a lot less torturing. Okay now, back to work.