I Like Me, I Really Like Me!

So I've been tagged by Kate (The Accidental Traveler, of course) with my very very first tag and I'm supposed to list three things I like about myself. And you know I've had to spend the last 24 or so hours pondering what I actually like about myself (I walk a fine line between conceited and insecure). So here goes:

1) I like that have a sense of wonder about God's creation. I love starry nights and autumn's colors and snowfall and the ocean. And that thinking about these things just now made me smile

2)I like my green eyes. They are my favorite physical feature.

3)I like that I have some CSI level investigative abilities. At least at work. Any mystery that my co-workers have, whether it be figuring out whose handwriting is on a ticket or tracking down which customer bought what, I am the go-to gal (and I don't even need any fancy hi-tech gadgets or a flashlight. Cue music. Who are you, who, who, who who, I really wanna know?

Okay, I'm going to tag three people to tell three things they like about themselves.Eenie, meenie, mo: I pick Kristen, Wendy, and Isunji

And any of the rest of you who would like to share three things you like about yourself (Jenna, you don't have to stop at three if you don't want to), please feel free to do so in the comments!

Because I Just Cannot Help It...

My Autumn test results, because the fall foliage here is heating up and the temperatures are going down. LOVE. IT. SO. MUCH. Even so come November!

Your Autumn Test Results

You are a playful, spirited person. You have a limitless imagination and amazing creative talents. When you are happiest, you are calm. You appreciate tradition and family. You enjoy feeling cozy. You prefer change to come slowly. You need a long transition period when your life changes. You find abundance to be the most comforting thing in the world. You love shopping and having nice things. Your ideal day is spent in contemplation. You enjoy a quiet day where you can take time to think and day dream. You are nostalgic. You can't truly appreciate something until it has come and gone.

http://www.blogthings.com/theautumnquiz/

McPottery Barn Free Music Wednesday (Or how to cram all the random into one post)

I found THE perfect bedding in the new pottery barn catalog. It was red patchwork with stripes and toile and it was all kinds of cute. When I added up the quilt, shams, sheets, pillowcases, dust ruffle and throw pillows it totaled well over 500.00. So I guess I won't be getting THE perfect bedding any time soon. Unless McDonald's comes through for me and I win monopoly this year. I've only been playing for ten years with little more than a few free breakfast sandwiches to show for it (and perhaps a few more pounds too).

I've have been loading up on the free music lately. First was JJ Heller (and by the way you only have until Friday to get a free download of her new cd Painted Red, and it is too good to miss people!), which I found from the Secret life of Kat. Thanks to Annie, I got some new Joy Williams (who has a new and improved sound and a new and improved choppy dark haircut, super cute!). Thanks to noisetrade I got some free Steven Delopoulos (B sides are so good, so Jenna, if you're reading this go and get it!). And thanks to Wendy I got some free Phil Wickham. Nothing makes me happier than free music. Except maybe winning some big bucks playing McDonald's monopoly.

At the store I work for we are in full holiday mode. We've been decorating all week and sent out invitations to our holiday open house coming up next Friday. That is, bar none, my favorite day of work. We have awesome food samples (soups are usually my favorite) and play our Christmas music for the first time, and the store is all decorated for Christmas. It's the most wonderful time of the year, ya'll.

Tonight at church we watched a Louie Giglio video, How Great is Our God. He told us about this really cool protein in our bodies called laminin. Google it, for it is oh so cool. Science has never made me cry like it did tonight. God is seriously awesome in how he fearfully and wonderfully made us.

I have a very heavy television viewing schedule and I'm trying to pare it down. I'm thinking about giving up on Heroes and I'm hearing that Pushing Daisies might get cancelled. Heroes just isn't what it used to be, but I still heart Pushing Daisies. Hopefully it won't go away before LOST comes back. I might need to pare down, but I only want to in small doses.

I've been fighting off a allergy/cold/sinus infection for the better part of October, but I think it's going to win. Let the sneezing and coughing commence.

I've got two weddings to go to in the next month. One is for a girl who is 10 years younger than me. And that is just sad. Thankfully I'll have wedding cake to comfort me.

Who We Are and Who We Aren't

I was working on my bible study last night and this little statement jumped off the pages of the Kay Arthur book, "You'll know peace as long as you remember you are the servant not the Savior". Is that not a giant relief?

Last Sunday one of my singers on the worship team came up to me very distraught wanting us to pray. It was seconds before we were supposed to start the service. With wringing hands and a look that conveyed a heavy burden she proceeded to tell us that her brother was in the congregation that morning. Her unsaved brother. We've actually been praying for this man for the better part of ten years, ever since his wife, sister and mother-in-law began attending our church. He's a good man by most people's estimation. He loves and provides for his wife and two daughters. He's a hard-worker, a quiet man who shies away from any kind of attention, so much so that he really hesitates coming to church or to fellowships we have. The usual exception is when one of his daughters is in a special or when we have a fall festival. He was only there this particular day because his wife was on a retreat and his daughters wanted to come to church. My friend's heart was breaking because she wanted so much for this to be the day that her brother decided to get saved. We prayed with as much fervor as we could and started the service.

If ever there was a song lineup perfect for walking the aisle it was this week. Every song was about grace, about love, about salvation. Songs like Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) and Mighty To Save. We couldn't have planned it better in advance. But nothing happened. At least nothing that we could see with natural eyes. No one walked the aisle, least of all, John. One time I looked out and he was yawning. I know my friend felt defeated, and I guess I did too.

Then last night I read that statement, "you are the servant, not the Savior". John has been presented with the gospel, more than once. He's sat through invitation after invitation. I pray one day he will respond, but he hasn't yet. But I find comfort in knowing it's not my job to save Him. It's not my friend's job, not his wife or his children's job. We are the servants, not the Savior.

Does that mean I pray any less? Hardly. That's part of the servant's role. Do I get to neglect the call to go into the all the world? Again, that's a servant's calling. But the responsibility of turning a heart toward God, the power to cleanse from sin and bring righteousness, that is solely on Jesus. And you know what? He's really really good at his role.

I pray I can be better at mine.

Sunday, Pretty Much Like All the Other Days, But With Sleeping and Preaching

Hopefully, not at the same time.

I had a marathon napping session this afternoon. I haven't done that in forever. Talk about a Sabbath rest. It helped that I was heavily medicated with sinus headache medicine, but whatever.

I went into my pastor's office this morning and asked him what his sermon was about today. I wanted to choose offering and ministry songs that would go well with the message. Not that I'm not prepared, but for some reason I just thought I would ask. He told me he was talking about abortion this week and homosexuality next week. Great. When I told one of my singers she laughed and said, "What are we going to sing next week? Man shall not lay with man and woman shall not lay with woman, can I get a witness..." I hope that's not inappropriate, because it sure did make me chuckle. It might have been the way she sang it, or the fact that she tacked 'can I get a witness' on the end. Instead I went with Give Us Clean Hands this week and Break Our Hearts for next week. Because Integrity Music doesn't have a heated political issues section in their songbook. I have to say, though, his message was excellent this morning. He was compassionate, sincere and most of all, used the Word of God as his guide.

I chickened out of entering this little writing contest. Sometimes I really struggle with feelings of insecurity, and this time, insecurity won out with thoughts of poor writing and undeveloped themes. Kind of like this post.

Our town just got a Quiznos. So I guess you know where I'm going to be eating tomorrow. Yay for hot toasted sammies. And the same shopping center bringing us these yummy delights is also bringing us a Petco (Phoebe and Juno can't wait!) and a new movie theater. As much as I love a good sandwich, I'm most excited about the 8 screen theater. Yeah, I said it, 8 screens. We are so awesome. The theater is set to open around November 15th or 22nd and I cannot wait to see movies in all their stadium seating, digital fancy sound glory. Now if we could just get a Target and a Chick-fil-a, I might never have to leave this town. Maybe. Or not.

I have added to my reading list a book by Elisabeth Elliot called Discipline:The Glad Surrender. For some reason I have been picking up books that have been eating my lunch and I'm not talking about sandwiches. Crazy Love, Your God is too Safe, not to mention, you know, God's Holy Word. Living and active gets me every time. Earlier this summer in our Sunday School class we were asked what three main things we were wanting from God at that particular time. The first one on my list was discipline and diligence (because I like to cheat and put two things together, and that's tough if you don't like it). I swear I'm not a sucker for punishment, but if you knew some of the areas I struggle with, you might be asking for discipline too. I'm not telling you about the other two, but you could guess one if you tried real hard.

I love Elisabeth's old school practicality. She tells it like it is, and in such a beautiful, profoundly simple, yet deep way. I admire her greatly, as do most Christian women my age. Passion and Purity was practically required reading for us in college (along with Lady in Waiting, but that's another post all together). I get her daily devotions and I am probably going to write on the ones about Thanksgiving soon. Like maybe around Thanksgiving. Unless I switch things up, keep 'em fresh and throw it out there for Halloween. Just keepin' you on your toes, dear friends and readers.

I was watching Amazing Race tonight and I couldn't help but feel for the poor blonde woman wandering helplessly around Angkor Wat trying to find an echo chamber. She kept walking through the chamber without realizing she was where she was supposed to be. It was funny, but I could sympathize. How many times am I found wandering around helplessly wondering Where is it? Where is the place I'm supposed to be? Getting all frustrated and more and more confused, all the while I'm walking back and forth across the very place I'm supposed to be. Then this verse came to me. "Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left." Isaiah 30:21 NLT

Surely I Can Change

Compassion has never been a strength of mine. Oooh, bad bad Christian. But the truth is I'm not always real merciful by nature. The sad part is a lot of the time when I've lacked compassion I couldn't care less. I think they call it self-absorbed.

I've been challenged lately to change. It's been a combination of things really, but there's no mistaking the feelings of discomfort that come with conviction. I felt it rising like an uncomfortable heat while I read Crazy Love. Then it trickled out in tears and sadness while watching a Sara Groves documentary about her trips to Louisiana and Rwanda. My mind started to ponder the hurts, injustices and sadness in this world. This world I've been too self-absorbed to notice.

There's a homeless man I keep running into around town. He looks to be in his early fifties, but it's hard to tell. His face is weathered, and his frame slim and wiry. The first time I saw him was outside of the E-Z mart by my workplace. He was standing outside by the trash can and he had this adorable dog with him. I love animals and his sweet mutt captured my attention with his wiry white and black coat and sweet face. He was jumping up and down in front of the his master and just looked happy to have a companion. The man had him on a makeshift leash, just a simple thin rope.

"You have a cute dog" I commented as I brushed past. He smiled kindly and thanked me. When I came out he was gone.

Last week I was walking between the buildings at work and he came up with one of our stuffed animals in his hand.

"This was about to fly away" He handed it to me. It was a very windy day and the cute little thing must have escaped the sales table in front of the store. "I was wondering if you have any thread"

"Dread?" So I'm a little hard of hearing. Why did I think a man would be asking if we had dread? Because I'm a dork, that's why.

"No. Thread. I need it for my sleeping bag."

Oh. I managed to mumble a few words about going to check. It was a chilly morning. It had been downright cold the night before. A night I relished because I was going to chow down on chicken noodle soup and wear fuzzy socks and sleep in a comfy bed. But this poor man and his adorable dog were sleeping somewhere on the ground in a sleeping bad that needed mending. My heart broke. I rushed around the store, rummaging through drawers in search of a sewing kit. I prayed I would find it, that in some small way I could be a blessing to this man. My search was in vain. In a store full of trinkets and treasures, I couldn't find a homeless man some thread. I went back outside where he and his dog were patiently waiting to tell him the news. He smiled and thanked me, and said he thought he might be able to find some at the dollar store up the road.

I thought about him all day. Why didn't I give him some money, offer to buy him a new sleeping bag? What's wrong with me?

Later on that week I saw him and his dog walking by McDonald's. In a split second I thought about stopping and going and buying him some lunch. I thought about how I would tell him God loves him and knows him by name. But I kept driving by. What's wrong with me?

I watched a movie last night where one of the characters was a deeply compassionate person. She felt every hurt of the people around her as if they were her own. Another character noted that her own father felt no emotion and if she had the choice between the two, she choose to feel it all. It made me think about how little I am sometimes moved, and how that is changing. I want to feel more.

I saw a teenage girl at a little fast food place I stopped at the other day and as I watched her the thought occurred to me that God loved her very much. And for a moment I entertained the notion of going up to her and telling her that God loved her and knew her by name. But I never went over there. You may think I'm silly for even thinking I should do that. But in that moment my heart felt very tender for that girl. I knew nothing about her, about the day she was having or what her life's circumstances were, but I knew in that moment that God wanted her to know she was loved and known by him. And I missed my chance to tell her so.

Sara Groves quoted Gary Haugen of the International Justice Mission in that documentary I watched not too long ago. I've been pondering those words lately. "In the times of the crushing of the innocent, in times of great despair, I used to ask 'Where is God?' But now my plea has changed. I no longer ask 'Where is God?' but 'Where are God's people?" Sara said that she decided the next time she wanted to run not walk to help her neighbors who were hurting.

There is something stirring inside me to do the same.

God of mercy and compassion, help me to Go. Cleanse me of self-absorption, fear and apathy. Wash me with your love, mercy and compassion, with your sense of justice, and then let me pour it out on the least of these. Forgive me for not doing so sooner. Amen.

Another Day, Another Boring post

So I downloaded Andrew Peterson's Resurrection Letters vol. 2 yesterday. My word! That guy never ceases to amaze me with some seriously deep lyrics, honest, poignant and thought-provoking. If you haven't gotten this one already, you should. Good, good stuff.

I'm off work today (I have to work tomorrow though, boohoo). Normally I like to sleep in on my days off, but today my brain forgot to hit the snooze, because I was up at 7. I tried to make the most of it, but I'm feeling a nap might be in order later on. I'm tagging along with my parents to go furniture shopping (mom is looking for a comfy chair), and hopefully will get a yummy free dinner out of the deal, so score one for me.

I wasn't feeling The Office last night. There were moments (Phyllis rocks, by the way), but overall it was kinda blah. Or maybe I'm just blah and didn't get it. They really need to bring Pam back too.

I picked up Rachael Ray's magazine today. I've only skimmed through one or two issues at the hair salon but good gracious I am in love. I've already asked for a subscription for Christmas. It was between that one or Real Simple and since my mom already has a subscription to that one I can always steal hers after she's finished with it.

Mom just called so I gotta go. Have fun on this lovely Friday!!!

So I'm Feeling A Little LOST

I started this blog a little over a month ago. Because of the timing, you guys haven't had the opportunity to see me delve into a wee little obsession of mine: LOST.

Just so you know, come January this blog will be alive with talk of the greatest show on earth, complete with crazy hairbrained theories about the island and Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley. You'll be sick to death of hearing about Ben and whether or not his motives are pure (of course not) and whether or not Desmond and Penny find true happiness (oh how I hope).Please don't be alarmed. Just giving you the heads up now.

This afternoon as I found the first promo for this coming season. So for all of you who share in my little obsession, here it is. Let the countdown begin!!!!!

Grrrreat Day!

I'm having a grumbly* day. I'm talking stay away from me or I'll bite your head off kind of grumbly. My parents call it gritchy which is a melding of gripey (which I think now may or may not be a real word either) and bit.... I'm not gonna say that on this blog. Basically, I'm not feeling very people-personish, do ya feel me? Here's the crazy part. I can't pinpoint anything that has really caused me to feel this way. I do have a little sinus headache, but that really isn't the problem. Co-workers interrupt me, but that's normal too. I didn't get Starbucks this morning and I really, really wanted it (because it's chilly outside, remember?), but I can't say that's why I'm growling at everyone.

The truth is, I'm kind of a complainer by nature. It's one of those things I really, really hate about myself. I've fought it for years, and I'm afraid to tell you I have not overcome it yet. I might go a few days, rarely a few weeks, keeping the griping at bay. I am so like my spiritual Hebrew ancestors in the desert. I'm even a fan of leeks and onions and other such non-manna treats. Come on, if you had to wear the same shoes and clothes for forty years and had to keep pulling up stakes and moving when the cloud up and moved, you might be a tad grumbly too.

I joke, but deep down I know this a serious condition. That's why I hate it so much about myself. There is nothing I want to want more than a thankful, praise-centered heart. I just don't really spend enough time developing one. So I need to start somewhere, why not here? In random bursts I'm sure, but I'm going to give it a try:
Things I'm thankful for Thursday edition:
1) This deliciously cool autumn weather.
2) The Office is on tonight! Hooray!
3) My church paycheck came early so I can get this
4) My friend Renee is moving to Florida in February and I can't wait to make a visit there
5) I think I'm going to have chicken fried steak for lunch, yummy southern goodness!
6) I'm wearing my favorite jeans, comfy and cute!
7) Brandon Heath's cd just came on over the speakers, and it is a current fave, and I need the reminder to ask God "Give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing... give me your love for humanity.."
8) All these temporary things don't match the fact that I am His, He is mine, His spirit lives in me, His word is alive and active in me, and no matter what I am loved, loved loved!

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

What about you?

*I'm pretty sure I just made that word up. It's like gripey, with a little more grumbling.

These Ordinary Days

I had to share this from today's Streams in the Desert devotional, which referenced Moses' encounter with God in the burning bush, and how he was just about his normal, ordinary work when God showed up:

"The vision came in the midst of common toil, and that is where the Lord delights to give His revelations. He seeks a man who is on the ordinary road, and the Divine fire leaps out at his feet. The mystic ladder can rise from the market place to Heaven. It can connect the realm of drudgery with the realms of grace"

"My Father God, help me to expect Thee on the ordinary road. I do not ask for
sensational happenings. Commune with me through ordinary work and duty. Be my
Companion when I take the common journey. Let the humble life be transfigured by
Thy presence."

I can't tell you how much I want to not only expect Him but find Him on the ordinary road, to "connect the realm of drudgery with the realms of grace". I really needed to see this today and maybe you do too.

God bless your ordinary day with Himself.

Wednesday, Wednesday

I am giddy, completely giddy over today's weather. After some un-fall like warmth the chill is setting in and bringing rain and dark clouds with it. I know, I'm a weather freak, deal with it.

I was walking between the two buildings at work today and, I kid you not, I did that little airplane spin thing that kids do. It didn't occur to me that I might look a tad bit silly until my co-workers started laughing and pointing. They're just jealous. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

I am having chicken noodle soup tonight and fully intend to get out the fuzzy warm socks that I bought this weekend on a little (wee, tiny) shopping excursion. I also got to wear a cute new top that I bought. It's green (a perfect green, somewhere between kelly and emerald) and has cute buttons and a hood. I'm a big fan of hoodies. Just one of many style choices that puts me at odds with my sister, the real fashion diva of our family. I'm pretty sure she doesn't wear cute fuzzy socks either. In fact, I'm willing to bet that part of the reason she lives in hot sunny Austin, Texas is so that she doesn't have need of wearing warm fuzzy socks. Or not.

I didn't say so, but I enjoyed The Office last week. It was cringe-worthy, for sure, but still so good. Particularly the part where (SPOILERS JENNA, DON'T READ ANY FURTHER) Michael hugged Holly and asked her out. My biggest complaint was not enough Kelly. And further spoiler worthy, I saw the promo for this week and I am pretty excited about Roy coming back. Because deep, way down deep in my heart, I like Roy. Or at least the guy who plays Roy. Because actually Roy is a jerk. But he's kind of a cute jerk.

I have been having internet problems at home and it is starting to get on my nerves. I have been using dial up forever and just two weeks ago got cable high speed. However, half the time the cable doesn't work. Apparently this is going on all over my neighborhood and I hope they get it fixed soon because how else am I going to spend my evenings?

A new fun little treat I've been enjoying online is this little gem. I saw it on a friend's facebook and had to try it out for myself. Meet Kara class of '76. Does she look Dazed and Confused to you? Would she have stolen Kelso's heart or given Donna a run for her money on that 70's show?

Of course, she's not quite as stylin' as Kara class of 1960

We Are Not As Strong As We Think We Are

Because today was Rich Mullins birthday, I thought I'd post the lyrics to one of my favorite songs of his, We Are Not As Strong As We Think We Are

It took the hand of God Almighty
To part the waters of the sea
But it only took one little lie to separate you and me
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are


And they say that one day Joshua
Made the sun stand still in the sky
But I can't even keep these thoughts of you from passing by
Oh, we are not as strong
As we think we are


We are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens
So few inches apart

We must be awfully small,
And not as strong as we think we are


And the Master said their faith was Gonna make them mountains move
But me, I tremble like a hill on a fault line
Just at the thought of how I lost you
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are


And if you make me laugh,
I know I could make you like me
'Cause when I laugh I can be a lot of fun
But when we can't do that I know that it is fright'ning
What I don't know is why we can't hold on,
We can't hold on.


It took the hand of God Almighty
To part the waters of the sea
But it only took one little lie
To separate you and me
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are


When you love you walk on the water,
Just don't stumble on the waves.
We all want to go there somethin' awful,
But to stand there it takes some grace,'
Cause oh, we are not as strong
As we think we are

No, we are not as strong
As we think we are.

Embracing Flaws

I hate flaws. Call me a perfectionist, or a control-freak, but I do. I really really do. I can't tell you how many times I go over some of my posts and cringe. Even over the most trivial stuff like a misquote from The Office or sharing that David Byrne was from Crowded House instead of Talking Heads or getting Rich Mullins birthday wrong. At work, in my personal relationships, in ministry, my mistakes are the clubs by which I beat myself over the head repeatedly.

I was talking to God about this tonight, as I have done so many times before. Rambling on and on about my shortcomings. Wondering how he must see me, this irrational, mistake-prone, crazy woman with a penchant for magnifying exponentially the faults of her daily life. Lamenting over how many times I've wished I was less of a complainer, less messy, less stubborn or more productive, more diligent, more compassionate. Going over regrets of the day or the year or the decade. Let me tell you, I was laying the woe-is-me-when-will-I-be-done-away-with-this-life-of-sin on thick. And tonight, I felt as if God was saying, chill thyself out.


I've been reading and meditating a lot about knowing God. I've been mulling over in my head about his Hugeness, His awesomeness, His holiness. He is Perfect. He does not make mistakes. He never fails. Not that I never fail, but He never fails.

And tonight I let it be okay that I am not Him. Sounds like a pretty elementary statement but sometimes it just what the perfectionist needs to be told. You are God and I am not and when I fail help me to forgive myself for being human. And when I forget to use spellcheck help me not to edit my posts a gazillion times. Because it's okay.

I've been reading a lot of Paul's writings lately. In Paul's flesh I think he was a bit of a perfectionist. What pharisee isn't? (I said a lot there, particularly to my own pharisee self). So of course he was tormented by the thorn in the flesh. I know the thorn was a messenger of Satan and the "thorns" in my flesh are often more a direct result of, well, my flesh, rather than Satan's handiwork. Here is what Paul learned and shared with us(taken from the Message, because I really like the wording):

My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to
let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.
It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take
limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down
to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The cure for perfectionism is found in the Cross. His strength is the only strength that can overcome our flaws, our weaknesses, our mistakes. I want to learn to hide myself in Him. In his perfect strength. To cease striving. To let go of the pharisee in me and embrace grace.

My Determined Purpose

Thanks so much to Joanne for hosting Monday Manna today. Joanne chose Philippians 3:10-11 for our scripture this week. Here is my contribution.

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

When I was in college I totally embraced my inner slacker. Hey, it was the 90's. It hurts my Clinique loving heart to tell you this, but I even went a whole semester without wearing makeup (or at least most of the semester). Sweats and pajama bottoms were the norm (Am I right, Deidre? You remember the days!). I spent all afternoon watching Saved by the Bell, A Wedding Story and Little House on the Prairie. And the naps! They were legendary. Those were the days I perfected the art of doing nothing and simply enjoying it.

I also spent a lot of time pondering the person I was and what my purpose was in life. I loved taking personality and career aptitude tests. One I remember fondly was from my freshman orientation class. It had something to do with right brain, left brain sort of stuff. We had a professional come in to interpret the results and show us what field we needed to pursue based on which quadrants of our brains were more active (or something like that). I was the only person in the whole class that had my particular results. Which seemed odd. So I asked the guy what kind of career path was suited for my particular brain make up. He told me he had only seen one other person get those results, and that was his daughter. My best career options? Homemaker or Secretary. So far I've mastered Secretary. But I'm still waiting on the perfect homemaker position to come up (how does one apply for that job on monster.com I ask you?).

Slacker vs. Seeker. This kind of ambivalence defined most of my twenties. I also see it in so many from my generation. It breaks my heart and I know it breaks the heart of God. Because He made us with clear cut purpose in mind. He made us to know Him. To find our chief purpose in knowing Him. In the amplified version of Philippians 3:10 it says "My determined purpose is that I may know Him..." I love that. Nothing can heat up the lukewarm slacker in me like that kind of fixed goal.

My generation is also starved for new. Technology can hardly keep up with our insatiable lust for faster, better hi-tech gadgets. The technology of my superfancy circa 2004 laptop was cutting edge four years ago, but now is considered a dinosaur. God however, had perfect design in creating us to know Him. I am comforted in knowing that this pursuit of God is a progression, filled with new challenges and revelations. Knowing Christ will never become stale, never will it be obsolete. He is the same yesterday, today and forever, but I will never plumb the depths of who He is.

It is a mystery to me that I am created to know One who can never be fully known. That I am invited to share in His sufferings and the power of His resurrection, having never lived in the day where he walked in flesh and blood on this earth. I couldn't imagine a greater calling. I couldn't find a bigger mission. No ambition could fulfill all that my heart desires like this:

All of life, comes down to just one thing. And that's to know you, Oh Jesus, and make You known. (One Thing, by Charlie Hall)

Isaiah 43:10"You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me.

Jeremiah 9:24but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD.

People Aren't Distractions...

Except when they are.

Sometimes I bet I sound real high and mighty in my posts. Or at least full of high and lofty religious ideals that are in no way practical. Sometimes I cringe when I think I might come off as preachy. Because really that's not what I want to be.

After I typed up my post I thought about some of the ways that people are, in fact, a distraction. One glaring example in my past was a boyfriend I had in college. I was a tad bit crazy about him. And I was distracted from pretty much all the other important things: school, friendships, God. He broke up with me the same day I had to drop a class because of poor attendance and an F on the semester project, because I was spending too much time with him. We dated not much more than a month but I spent the better part of my sophomore year pining for him after the breakup. It was kind of pathetic. Remember the movie Clueless? There was a scene where Ty showed up at Cher's house with this box of sentimental stuff about a guy that she had this enormous crush on, whom she never really had a relationship with. I was watching this movie with a couple of friends that year and one of the freshmen told me I was acting just like that girl. I protested but I guess she was right. I was hanging on to something well past it's prime. One of my main regrets from college is how distracted I let myself get when I was with this guy and for the months afterward that I was distracted by not being with him.

My mom also comes to mind. My grandmother passed away when I was 16. Up until the time she died my mother spent the majority of her time with my grandmother, taking care of her or just spending time with her. My mom has said now that she wishes she had a little more balance there. She wanted her mom's approval and acceptance, and felt that if she didn't come running when Nanny called, then she would no longer have that approval. Her relationships with her kids, her husband, and perhaps even with God, suffered as a result. I know she doesn't regret being a good daughter, but maybe just the extremes she went to in order to "feel" like she was being a good daughter.

In both of these instances these relationships are distractions because of how skewed they are. I let my boyfriend take the highest priority in my life. He became an idol, and that put him in the place of God. For mom, putting her own mother in first place meant that God couldn't be there, and so if God was then in second place, then other important people like my father and my sister and I were relegated to third or fourth or fifth. Years ago in children's church we learned this acronym. JOY: Jesus, Others, You. Sounds simple, but it's true. If you have Others You Jesus or You Others Jesus or Others Jesus You it just doesn't work. And whatever comes first, it's going to be a distraction if it's not Jesus.

Still, I know that for me, I have more often put myself first, then Jesus, then others. See, still out of order. I can be a better friend. I can value people more. I just don't want to value them more than I do Christ. So I have some room to grow here, and definitely more room to grow in my relationship with Christ (because remember it's me first then Jesus, gotta fix that too).

My goal is to keep the first and greatest commandment to love the Lord with all my heart and soul and mind and strength. And to keep the second one which is like it, to love my neighbor as myself. So I need to remind myself that people are not distractions. Except when they are.

A Rich post

*edited because apparently I couldn't remember Rich's actual birthday.

It's no secret on this blog that I love music (and iTunes). What I've yet to share is my undying adoration for Rich Mullins. This month would have been his 51st birthday. I still remember where I was when I got the news that he had died in a horrible automobile accident. My friend Deidre called me on a Sunday afternoon to let me know the news (apparently they announced it at her church). I was stunned. That night back in my college town, another good friend and I contemplated driving to Indiana or Nashville or Kansas for one of the memorials. I wish we had gone.

My love for Rich Mullins and his music goes back almost 20 years. My first cassette (yes, I am so old) of his was a Christmas gift from my mom. It was Winds of Heaven... Stuff of Earth. And it is still my all time favorite. This is the album that introduced the world to Awesome God. I have a confession to make, one that will solidify my nerdiness forever. I like to make up music videos in my head (What? Don't you?). I've done this for as long as I can remember. In my brain's video archive you can find some seriously awesome videos for Carman, Amy Grant and, of course, Rich Mullins (VH1 should so hire me, if they, you know, actually showed videos anymore). My cheesetastic video for Awesome God when I was 12 had something to do with throngs of people on one side of a barricade and Rich Mullins on the other. As he sang about our God being so awesome, people started to come over to his (God is awesome) side. By the last chorus there was not really anybody left on the "non-believer" side of the barricade. That's some quality stuff right there people, Qual-i-T.


My second favorite from Rich is his iconic A Liturgy, A Legacy and A Ragamuffin Band. I still remember purchasing this one with some leftover Christmas money at the Family Christian Bookstore when I was 16. Seriously, I remember everything about that little road trip. And I can tell you, 15 years later, Liturgy was by far the best thing about it. This album gave us Creed, Hold Me Jesus, Land of My Sojourn, some of the best Rich Mullins songs ever. It also has You Gotta Get Up which we play every Christmas morning before we open presents.

I never got to see Rich Mullins in concert. I'm always gonna regret that. I love the stories from friends who did get to hear him live, a couple who actually got to meet him. My friend Johnny was one of them(the same one who almost went with me to the memorial). He met Rich Mullins at a youth conference for Native Americans. Johnny played pool with him and never knew who the guy was until after he left. I think that is just so cool, and says a lot about the kind of artist and person Rich was.

One of my old music reps told me stories about GMA week and Rich Mullins being in Nashvegas for it. Apparently Rich didn't get caught up in all the trappings of the industry and instead of doing all the appearances and awards shows he could usually be found at some pub drinking a beer and talking with the people there. You know he never received a Dove award until after he died? From what I've learned about him I'm sure he preferred it that way.

In keeping with my love for the playlist and for Rich's music, I want to share my ALL TIME FAVORITE RICH MULLINS SONGS PLAYLIST (which totally deserves to be in all caps):


1) Hope to Carry On This is the most played song on my iPod. I have very fond memories of my college days and after our Baptist Student Union's worship service one of the guys played this song a lot (it was part of an awesome mixtape that I still remember fondly). I also remember one of my ex-boyfriends doing air guitar to this song (I do not think Rich Mullins and air guitar go together, and apparently neither did me and my ex, hehe)

2) If I Stand If I could play the piano, I mean really play, this is the song I would want to play over and over again. And no, I have no awesome video for this song.


3) Growing Young A prodigal son song. I can still recall crying on my bed in college listening to this one and realizing just how much of a prodigal's heart I had toward God at the time. "I've seen silver turn to dross/ seen the very best there ever was/ And I tell you/it ain't worth what it costs/ I remember my father's house/ what I wouldn't give right now/ just to see him/and hear him tell me that he loves me so much"


4) The River This song is just so powerful. And I will forever love this lyric "Maybe she can come to Wichita/Maybe we can borrow Beaker's bike"


5) With the Wonder "Down at Johnson's Creek the trees grow tall/Like a man who feeds His soul on Your word" I tell you there has never been a better lyricist in Christian music. Never. "In the winter it's white and the summer it's green/In the fall it's orange and red and gold/Then it comes alive in the rites of spring, when the rivers thaw and the flowers unfold" You gotta know this nature loving girl goes giddy over lyrics like that


6) The Land of my Sojourn This song makes me want to cry. The piano is beautiful and the words paint pictures in my mind of this country, and how it is not really our home.


7) Let Mercy Lead. Words to live by. And if Aiden wasn't such a stinkin' popular name I'd be tempted to name my firstborn son this just because of the song.


8) Creed. The Apostles Creed set to the most beautifully amazing hammer dulcimer. If you've only heard the Third Day version you are missing out.


9) Hold Me Jesus. In college we did a whole skit to this song. My friend Johnny always played the lead. I thought it was one of our best skits ever, but that might just be because of the song. "Hold me Jesus/Cause I'm shaking like a leaf/You have been my king of glory/Won't You be my Prince of Peace"


10) We Are Not As Strong As We Think We are. This song deserves it's own post. You have to get all the lyrics. No other song captures the frailty and vulnerability of our relationships quite like this song. I discovered it on Songs, which is a great place to start your Rich Mullins collection if you haven't yet. It has many of his best. Then go out and get Songs 2 and Winds of Heaven and A Liturgy A Legacy and a Ragamuffin Band

Distractions pt.2

I finished reading Crazy Love this week. What a book. I felt challenged with every turn of the page. Challenged in ways I really didn't enjoy, but certainly needed. I know I'm going to have to re-read because there is no way I absorbed it all. One thing (of many) that has been sticking out to me this week was a comment Francis Chan made about viewing every person we come into contact with as if they are Christ. I liked that idea. It's biblical. It's a start.

So I thought about how I would treat Christ if he walked up to me at work, or was sitting next to me on the couch or came into a restaurant where I was eating. Or if I he called me in the middle of my favorite t.v. show, or if he was asking for change on the side of the road. How would I respond to him? I decided of course I would give him my attention and focus. He is my Savior and love of my life, after all. I would definitely be interested in whatever he had to say, I would stop what I was doing, because really, is anything more important than Him? I would honor him, respect him, prefer him, adore him, love him. If he needed something, or wanted something, and it was in my power or ability to give it, wouldn't I be more than happy to do so?

I decided that I wanted to make this effort to treat others as though they were Christ. I must be so spiritually ambitious. Either that or I am a naive fool, because let me tell you, this was way harder than I imagined. Loving people is hard work. Treating them as if they are the LOVE OF MY LIFE, worth all my attention, focus and devotion-- it's pretty much impossible. But I tried (er- I'm trying). When someone came into my office, I tried to respond in kindness, attention and respect. I'm one of those flawed human beings that gets aggravated easily by others. So I tend to get a tad impatient. I might not answer with gentleness. I will probably sigh and perhaps not even turn away from the computer screen when people come in. I never really thought too much about my behavior until now.

Here is one thing I have learned. I have a lot of distractions in my life. I struggle being distracted from God and what matters most. But people (the serving, and loving and giving up of myself to minister to them) should not be seen as distractions. I was watching a video documentary with Sara Groves and she was talking about the man who runs the International Justice Mission and how he has this gift of making people feel their worth. That touched me and the contrast between my way of dealing with others and his way made me sad. If I am busy sighing and barely acknowledging their presence, how in the world can I show others love and make them feel their worth? I really want to be a person who has that gift.

Then I get hit with verses like this: "Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle."

I hesitated to share this post because I know the next time someone calls me during LOST, I probably won't be the most wonderfully responsive. And when things are piling up on my desk at work and three co-workers come at me from different directions with problems that need to be solved RIGHT. THIS. MINUTE. I don't know if I'll be able to make them feel their worth in that moment. But I want to. One day. Love is hard work.

I have a lot of work to do.

Do Not Adjust Your Computer Screen...

I know that I change my blog background a lot. Bear with me. This control freak doesn't like change, except when she can control it. But my sister just made me aware that on her iPhone she couldn't read my blog because of the color of my text. Sorry, Jenna! I fixed it.

Distractions pt. 1

I realized a few weeks ago that I was having a problem concentrating on God. I would pick up a devotional book or my one year bible or start to pray and end up sidetracked or read through and close the book uninspired. It was ridiculous some mornings, going through two or three devotionals, reading through different scriptures and feeling like nothing was happening. In short, I was distracted.

I wondered why. What was distracting me from God? I went through a mental list... Work? Friends? T.V.? My bustling social life? Blogging (heavens, no!)? I was able to sit through two or more hours of television some nights, spend hours on end reading through blogs and making up my own, go out to dinner with a friend and talk until the restaurant closed, work super-effectively(insert sarcasm here) for 8 hours straight Monday through Friday, but the time I set aside for God, my mind (and heart and soul) couldn't still itself long enough to really encounter Him. Something was seriously wrong.

One thing I noticed-- I was hungry. In the last month I've purchased or borrowed several books pertaining to my relationship with God: Crazy Love, I Am Not But I Know I Am, Your God is too Safe...just to name a few. And I had several devotionals at my disposal: My Upmost For His Highest, Grace for the Moment, Daily Light, One Year Devotional Book for Women, Jesus Calling, not to mention the email devotionals that flood my inbox on a daily basis. So, there was no lack for access. However, I noticed, if anything, by sheer volume, all these books were only adding to the distraction. I couldn't focus.

What I've realized is how desperately I needed to simplify. Prioritize. Go back to the fundamentals of my faith. I started questioning why I am in a relationship with God in the first place, and why He wants to be in relationship with me. What do I want from being in fellowship with Him, and what does He want from being in a relationship with me? Who do I want to be in Him and what we need to do for me to get there. I thought about who He is. His attributes (thank you Kate for your Sunday sessions) and what is important to Him. I questioned and wondered and looked at things that I'm not sure I ever had before. I think my christian culture has sort of misconstrued what was important and swept under the table what was more valuable. Does that make any sense? (Just as an aside, think about how often Jesus spoke about, ministered to and welcomed the poor, but how not once did he mention the homosexual lifestyle, yet we spend a lot of time talking about the sinfulness of the homosexual lifestyle, but very little on how we can minister to the poor--somethings just not jiving there).

So here I am. Starting fresh with God. Hungry, searching-- and not distracted. I'm going back to meditating on small portions of scripture, letting them roll around in my heart and soul. Right now I am starting to meditate on Romans 12 (considering what a big chunk of scripture that is, I'll probably be there a while, and I'm okay with that). I'm realizing more and more that it's important to not only start my day with God, but to keep an awareness of His presence with my throughout the day as well (that sure blew holes in my "quiet time", more like all the time). I am excited to share what God is teaching me and I will tell you that I am beginning to change.

Sometimes I am Just in Awe

at what God has made




Check it out.....

Isn't He the most vividly imaginative Creator ever? Those colors are amazing!

photo by Luc Viator. Mandarin Fish by Yahweh

Thoughts on my Weekend

For the curious, all my football teams won on Saturday. First, Texas beat OU. Now, I'm an Oklahoma girl, but I am always for OSU and for me, that means being against OU (sorry if that sounds a little UN-WWJD). So I was glad Texas won. Then my Pokes beat Mizzou in a bit of a nail biter Saturday evening. I was so nervous in the last 2 minutes I had to leave the room but when I saw that they won I was jumping up and down cheering. They beat the number 3 team in the country. That is saying something!

Before I went to bed last night I read a little bit from Louie Giglio's book The Air I Breathe and considering my response to the games I had just watched that day, I was a bit convicted. He was talking about how we are made to worship. Of course, I agree. He went on to say that we are always worshipping, all the time. Just look around at what we focus on, what are energies and time and money are spent on, what we value, and it is obvious what or who we are worshipping. He described fans' reactions to Michael Jackson years ago and how all their responses to Him onstage rivaled anything you might see in the most expressive worship services. These people were literally worshipping the man. I think about that and it seems preposterous. Worship a man? Not me.

Then I thought about how excited I was over the football game. How I jumped up and down and cheered at the top of my lungs and spent hours watching (or not watching when I was nervous) the game. Of course there is nothing explicitly holy or unholy about watching and cheering a football team. Until I thought back to the last time I spent with the Lord. That morning I read a short little devotional and a couple of scriptures to go along with it. I prayed for a couple of minutes and then I was out enjoying my day. I threw up a couple of prayers over the course of the day (God please help me figure out why the cable modem isn't working... God please let OSU win, I mean, it would be nice if they could win, but I know You probably don't take sides in these matters but you know, if You could.... God, I still don't know what to think about this election. Please guide me). Add them all up and I may have spent ten more minutes on God, and all of that were requests, definitely not worship or focus. Football games last 3 hours. The contrast made me sad.

So I spent my Sunday pondering this worship and focus and value. I thought about my expression and attention to a football game and I decided that this morning, I was going to give Him some passionate praise. And I did. Then tonight, as we were practicing for our Christmas program, the words to one of the songs hit me and expressed what my heart felt over this situation. I bring an offering of worship to my King. No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing. Jesus may You receive the honor that Your due. Oh Lord I bring an offering to You...
So here I am practicing for a program 2 months away and I found myself in tears, hands raised in the middle of a choir, worshipping my King. Those words poured from a heart that had realized the truth: No one (and no thing) deserves the praises I can give, but Him alone. And He deserves the best, not leftovers, not a few minutes, not muttered requests over an otherwise distracted day.

I'm going to write a little more about distractions later, because I have more to say about that (it's something that has been on my heart lately, but I've got a little more I need to work out), but I wanted to share this little part. Our lives are wrapped up in worship. It's what we do. But we can make the choice to pour out worship on the One who pours back into us all we'll ever need. And that is what I want to do.

Even while I'm cheering for OSU.

Whirlwind

I felt like whirlwind girl today. Busy busy busy busy. Never stopping. It almost seemed criminal for a Friday. Friday's are supposed to be slack off days. Gettin' ready for the weekend days. Mine was not. It's OU-Texas weekend. For those of you who aren't from either Oklahoma or Texas, I'll let you in on a little secret. It's kind of a big deal. Almost like a major holiday or something. We dress up (in team colors, gotta represent!), go over to our loved ones houses, eat lots of food, and cheer (or weep depending on the score), all criteria for major holiday, right? All day today customers came in who were making their trek down to Dallas for the game. It's almost like a reunion or homecoming of sorts.

When I'm rushed like I was today, a lot of other stuff suffers. I'm not so nice to others (co-workers and family get the brunt of my unkindness). I overlook the little things that need to be done. My work tends to be a bit more shoddy, and a little short of thorough. I get this anxious, yucky feeling that oozes out all over my expression, activities, and words. There is little time for prayer, meditation, praise. I don't like being whirlwind girl.

I was tired and ready for bed by 5:30 pm. The sad news is now it's after midnight and I'm still trying to come down off of the anxiety high.

I am in need of a Be Still and Know That I Am God moment......He is not in the whirlwind....Lord let me hear your gentle voice again.

Good night

Let's Get Ethical, Ethical....

Oh, The Office, I missed you so much last week, and this week you did not disappoint.

Holly, you are so adorkable. Which makes me feel so much better about my own dorkiness, so that's good. I never thought there would be anyone out there that I would want to see with Michael, but wow. I loved when he threw away her lunch and then later was so sweet to take up for her and help her get all the staff back in the conference room for her to finish her ethics talk (so glad he didn't go through with the I told you so talk). That might have been the most unselfish thing he's done since going in with Dwight to get his catscan in season 2. Holly and Michael are a match made in dork heaven. I love this show and this episode was stinkin' awesome. From Michael tackling Jim after hearing news of Jim and Pam's engagement, followed by Pam's sorry over the phone to the Outback Steakhouse lunch at the end, it was so funny (and cringeworthy) beginning to end. Kelly didn't get much love in this episode but her oneline about smoking was hilarious.

Here are some of my favorite lines from tonight:

"You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan. You need to be Robin Shyamalan"

"I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your starving family. Bam"

"Time thief! Time thief! Fire him!!"

"Exchange of steak. Ever had sirloin steak, honey?"

And my MOST favorite lines of the night belonged to Michael:

"You are a thief of joy"

"I think it's the most contemplative of seasons"

And Jim and his stopwatch, monitoring Dwight's personal time on the job. Classic. My favorite scene was Jim tormenting Dwight with talk of Battlestar Galactica "It's practically a shot for shot remake of the original show". They could not have acted that scene out any better than they did. Awesome.

And when oh when is Andy going to find out about Dwight and Angela? That storyline has got to end...And Pam needs to be finished with art school already.

This post is brought to you by Tylenol Sinus Rapid Release Gelcaps

I was all set to come here and write about my last few (boring) days because I know everyone loves to read about them SO! MUCH! but my sinus medicine is starting to make me groggy. Which means my brain just. won't. function. I'm one of those people with a screwy body chemistry that reacts the opposite way it's supposed to when given certain medicines. Which means the daytime version makes me drowsy and the nighttime version makes me hyper, but something in me still doesn't trust that so I always end up taking the daytime in, you know, the daytime and then I'm ready to take a five hour snooze at my desk while the phone rings and co-workers work. But at least I can breathe in through my nose and my eyes aren't about to explode from their sockets, so that's good.

Add to the fact that my sleep cycle is still all screwy and you've got a perfect recipe for blogging disaster. Who knows what I might come up with in the next few paragraphs. Maybe you'll get kooky stories about my days in band in the seventh grade or the story I never tell about my trip with my dad and sister to Chicago. Stay tuned.

This whole allergy/sinus business is really putting a damper on my autumn enjoyment. Not that I'm complaining or anything. I love this season, you know I do. But ragweed is so not my friend. Hold on a moment, while I.. sneeze.

I got a manicure this morning and I am just loving the color. OPI Bastille My Heart, from the Paris collection. Such a gorgeous grapey wine color, perfect for October. It almost made my head hurt a little less. A little. My manicurist is one of my favorite people ever. Jon Ann is my mom's age but has a sweet little baby voice and she asks and says all the things people are afraid to ask and say, but since she says it in that voice, well, she can get away with it. She cracks me up. She calls my mom Baby Jane and calls me Baby Kara. She is absolutely obsessed with babies chunky cheeks and has to pinch them when she sees them. Her own grandchildren often cry when they see her coming. Her whole family is precious. Her husband is always running around doing errands for her and when he calls us at the store he always assumes an alias of an old country singer like Ray Price or Conway Twitty. It worked a lot better when we didn't have caller ID.

I have noticed my little kitten, Juno, is a bit of a hearty eater. This is a learned behavior, I'm afraid. I am a bad example. I need to change. For her.

I wanted to write a lovely deep post the other day about my pastor's sermon on Sunday, but somehow I forgot(thanks to memory loss inducing sinus pressure). Now most of it escapes me except the title: Why Ask God What to Do When You're Just Going to Do What You Want Anyway. Which goes down in our churches records as the longest title ever. In fact, he could have just said the title and we would have gotten the point. And it is so true. So I've been asking myself this question before I pray, because, really, how often do I already have my mind made up and just want God to agree with me, give me some kind of holy nod of approval for my great idea? Am I the only one who does that?

My brain is done now, I think. Hopefully I can come up with something a little more cohesive after say, the first freeze of the fall (and the death of ragweed for the year! hooray!).

There is No Other

I just finished reading this article about a 3 year old girl in Nepal who the priests have chosen to be a goddess. Can you imagine? A three year old girl. I'm thinking, is she even potty trained yet? She can't even read or write, but she is a deity? Wow.

In this article the father expresses a mixture of sadness and pride concerning his daughter's new living goddess status. Can you just imagine? Raising a child, knowing their frailty and utter humanity, then turning her over to be worshipped and adored by throngs of people. I believe I would be sad too.

And just reading what this little girl had to go through to be chosen causes me to shudder. First of all, they are selected from the highest caste (the wealthiest, most respected so most girls are out of luck there). Then they are checked for physical imperfections. The priests also look for signs of serenity and peace. I think about my best friend's daughter, Addie. She is quite the happy child, but peaceful? Try energy going at 90 miles per hour. They go through tremendous scrutiny just to get that far in the selection process. But it gets worse. "As a final test, the living goddess must spend a night alone in a room among the heads of ritually slaughtered goats and buffaloes without showing fear. [...] Having passed all the tests, the child will stay in almost complete isolation at the temple, and will be allowed to return to her family only at the onset of menstruation when a new goddess will be named to replace her"

I wonder what that's like going from divine to ordinary when she begins to menstruate. That has to mess with a young girl's head. People kissing your feet and praying to you for as far back as you can remember, then suddenly your nothing special. I even read that men don't want to marry these girls because the Nepalese folklore holds that the men who marry these former goddesses die young. What a price to pay for a human to be a god.

It's a job we are just not supposed to have. We just can't measure up. And there is no one like Him, I don't care what kind of process you want to put your potential god or goddess through.

"Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?" (Exodus 15:11)

"I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me." (Isaiah 46:9b)

I am so thankful I serve the One True Living God. Not made by human hands, not selected by human reasoning, not made powerful nor impotent by rules and regulations or traditions. I'm reminded of the lyrics to the song You Are God Alone (not a god):

"You are not a God Created by human hands/You are not a God dependent on any mortal man/ You are not a God In need of anything we can give/ By Your plan, that's just the way it is/You are God alone/ From before time began/ You were on Your throne /Your are God alone And right now/ In the good times and bad/You are on Your throne/ You are God alone/ You're the only God Whose power none can contend/ You're the only God Whose name and praise will never end/ You're the only God Who's worthy of everything we can give /You are God And that's just the way it is"

"But the LORD is the true God; he is the living God, the eternal King. When he is angry, the earth trembles; the nations cannot endure his wrath" (Jeremiah 10:10)

See what I mean about being obvious?

I was playing around with wordle today. I love putting in verses and people's websites and such. This boring girl doesn't need much to keep her entertained. So I put my blogsite in and this is what I got:

Does anything stand out to you? Besides jock and sleep, of course(and a shout out to my bloggy friend Kristen). I love that Knowing God jumps off the page (and I know it is because of one post in particular, but still), I need the reminder. Knowing God is what I want to be about, and what I want this blog to be about as well. So thank you, Wordle. And thank you God for making it obvious, again.

Just a little Kara with a K PSA

I am listening to the most amazing music right now. Her name is JJ Heller and she is fan-freaking-tastic. I am not exaggerating. You wanna know the best part? You can download her new cd for free!!!!! So go right now and get this. You'll thank me later!

Monday Manna

Here is my contribution to Monday Manna hosted by Kristen over at Exemplify. This month Kristen asked us to reflect on a verse from Psalm 139.

"You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways." Psalm 139:3

Sometimes it's hard to wrap our heads around this truth, but God truly cares for and knows all about us. We're talking every hair on our heads numbered, every tear recorded on a scroll, every move we make monitored, every thought discerned kind of knowing. No one could possibly "get" us like Him. This creator God who made stars and sky and trees and oceans and you and me, who rules over all things, is completely familiar with each one of us. How humbling and awe-inspiring is that?

When I was in high school I felt like I was invisible. I didn't fit into any one group of people. Not a nerd (hard to believe, now, huh?), not a prep, not a thug, not a brain, not a jock (definitely not a jock). Just invisible girl. I floated between classes, made good but not great grades, stayed quiet in my seat in class, and went home and hung out in my room. Invisibility was a shield around me, protecting me from being disliked or rejected. I hated rejection. Still do.

Psalm 139 was my favorite passage of scripture back then. See, for all my attempts to guard my heart and stay clear of the risk of being vulnerable and being known, my heart was yearning for intimacy. To be known and loved and accepted by someone. Don't all of us yearn for this? I think it is in our design. I can truly say that God became my best friend in those years. I talked with him during lunch when I had no one to sit with. I read His word in my room and memorized what He had to say and wrote prayers to Him. I found encouragement in knowing that He was familiar with all my ways.

Now that I am older, I don't want to lose that longing for intimacy with God. I want to feel more at home with Him than with anyone else. So I still keep going back to this passage of scripture, meditating on the wonders of being known by the one true Living God who is familiar with ALL my ways. Who says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Who knit me together in my mother's womb. Who has all my days already laid out. Whose thoughts toward me outnumber the grains of sand.

Be greatly encouraged today, friends. God sees you, knows you and loves you. There isn't one part of your life that he isn't already intimately familiar. Run to him, or run from him, and He will still be there. You are never out of his scope. You are not forgotten. And You are known.

Knowing Him

God is being more than obvious to me lately. What an amazing God He is, that he communicates, even with hard of hearing, slow of learning children like me.

So I've been reading and hearing and listening to a lot about that all important piece of the puzzle which is the Christian life. Knowing God. I mean really knowing Him. Not just knowing about Him or knowing his stories. But Knowing Him. Knowing who He is, what's in His heart, His ways, His character. And I realize that I don't know him all that well. Not really. Not as much as I would like. And that is a start. Because, thankfully, I realize that I really want to. So this is a new theme verse for me. I can tell you I will be meditating on it for a while. I'll let you know what God reveals to me.

[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, Philippians 3:10 amplified(emphasis mine)

God I pray I can truly make knowing you my determined purpose. That I would keep growing more and more intimate with You. Help me make this a priority, because we both know how distracted I can get. Thank you, and I love you. Your stubborn daughter, Kara

A quick little Saturday post

Just a couple of things:

-Pumpkin Spice Lattes are delightful. Thank you Autumn and Starbucks
-I missed not having an episode of The Office this week
-I sleep straight through the night if I wait until 1 am to go to bed and get up at 7 am- which is ever so slightly different than sleeping 11 to 8. Because maybe that was my old sleep schedule
-I have about two or three sleep related posts floating around in my brain.
-Obviously sleep has become a wee bit of an obsession
-How does so much poop come out of such a little kitten?
-Nacho Cheese Doritos are a perfectly acceptable breakfast-if you wait until after 10 am to partake. Otherwise eating them will be considered ludicrous. Or maybe that's just me.
-I am not a happy Saturday worker. I love a boring Saturday. As evidenced by last weekends post.
-I am telling myself that this the day the Lord has made, so I am going to rejoice and be glad in it.

It's Friday, I'm in love

...In love with having the day off (You know my mom's heart just skipped a beat, thinking I might have found true love in the last hour since we spoke). And I thought I should mention that my pug, Phoebe, isn't particularly fond of today's theme song from The Cure. She's barking a bit in protest. Just thought you should know.


I started my day off like every other day off from work. I slept in! Even though my insomniac self tried to fight it, waking up at 7 am, my stronger desire to keep up with tradition helped me rollover and catch a few more zzzz's. I'm nothing if not persistent.


I watched the debates last night. I have made a decision that I'm not really going to share my political views on this blog, except in generalities, so I won't go into that here. But I will tell you that I am nervous. That I have never felt such a need to go before God and seek His guidance. I know I'm not alone in this. I was reading over at Annie Blogs and her thoughts kind of echo my own.

In other Kara related news I am trying to figure out how to spend the rest of my day. Nothing is set in stone past having lunch with my best friend, Rachel. Part of me knows I need tackle some cleaning and such. The other part of me wants to hit the mall or watch a movie or not do anything that remotely resembles tidying up and sorting laundry. Which side will win? Stay tuned.


Kate posted last night about a fun personality test online. You can find it here. I love a personality test. I love figuring other people, er, myself, out. I got my degree in Sociology and Psychology with the ambition of doing that for a living. But I gave that all up for a career in office management. Which is why I spend my late insomnia laden nights taking personality tests where I must ponder long and hard on whether or not I consider myself spontaneous or a planner. Or whether I think the things I buy are a reflection of who I am (maybe the Sara Groves cd, probably not so much the toilet paper and toothpaste, except to say that I am a person who values personal hygiene). I think this test is a pretty cool one, so go try it out, and don't freak out if they tell you that your personality is that of a Benevolent Creator. I assure you (as I did myself) that you are not God.


I really want to go to this concert. I love Sara Groves and Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken so so much. I wasn't especially crazy about Brandon Heath's first cd, but this last one is really good. I also love the concept for this particular tour. Why do I have to live in such a small town? And why do most of my friends not listen to Sara Groves or Derek Webb? (Let me interject this: I love my friends, love them dearly. But most of my local friends prefer Mercy Me and Casting Crowns to the above mentioned artists. Not that there's anything wrong with that). Hey sis, want to go to Dallas on a Friday in October? You can see Derek Webb! You like him, remember?

Also I haven't mentioned yet that I have a new kitten. My cat, Napoleon, died (Pedro was very sad) this summer and I have been reluctant to get a new one (honestly, my sister is the cat person, I am more of a dog person). John, who is our store's groundskeeper/maintenance man, gave a kitten to me, my mom and Kaye (mom's favorite person from work!). I've decided to name her Juno. For some reason I keep naming my cats after pop culture characters. And no, I don't intend for little Juno to be another teen pregnancy statistic. She will be spayed when she is older. Because I am pro-birth control for cats. And dogs. How very politically correct of me. Hope I haven't ruffled anyone's feathers. Or fur.

Okay, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day off. Hope everyone elses Friday is superb!

Conversation with my sister (or why we are both dorks)

I just got off the phone with my sister. I love having people in my life that I can talk to on the phone without any of the formalities such as hi and how are you, how's your day. I know it's the polite thing to do, but don't you like knowing someone well enough to just get on with the topic(s) of the day? Here's a little snippet of our conversation:

Me:"Yes" (Okay maybe that is a greeting)

Jenna: "I'm such a dork"

me:"Why?"

jen:"Because I just commented to someone on your blog and I didn't mean to and I said something about the Shack and Joey from Friends and I'm such a dork and just don't publish my comment because I'm such a dork"

me:"I didn't know you commented on my blog, I didn't get an email notification...are you sure you didn't post on the other girls' blog, the one you commented to?"

jen:"No. I commented on your blog"

me:"Oh, There it is. I wonder why I didn't get an email...Maybe because I changed the settings so that I don't have to approve the comments first"

jen:"See that's what I wanted you to do at first but now I'm not sure"

me:"Well I did that because I didn't want anybody to write mean comments like I hate your blog and you shouldn't be watching that stuff"

jen: "Why would anybody say anything mean, you write the God blog"

me: "I think I can delete it. Let me read it first....Hey this isn't that bad, I'm going to keep it, okay?"

jen:"But I sound like a dork. Your the adventures of boring girl and I'm supposed to be the cool sister."

me:"No it's okay. It's funny, I think it's good. I'm going to keep it."

jen: "Okay"

me: "I'm hungry. I need to go get something to eat. What are you going to eat?"

jen: I'm going to Blue Star Cafe

me: Are you going to flirt with the chef?

slight pause, jen: yes

me:"Do you watch Pushing Daisies?"

jen:"No. But Kristen said I would like it"

me:"I couldn't remember if you watched it. I mentioned it in my blog today. Why did Kristen think you would like it?"

jen:"I don't know. Because I don't like fantasical shows. I prefer reality" (like me, my sister makes up words, we get it from my mom)

me:"Sometimes you need a little fantasy with your reality. That's why you should watch Pushing Daisies"

jen:"There's nothing real about a guy who touches people and they come back to life"

me:"Maybe if they have the gift of healing or something"

jen: "Hey. That dude's not Lazarus"

me: "Lazarus didn't raise someone from the dead, he got raised from the dead"

jen: "Oh. well, bye!"

I waited to post today, because Tuesday doesn't deserve such boring rambles...

Yesterday was uneventful. Nothing blogworthy, really (And I realize there are some out there who have read my other posts that are seriously wondering if I even understand the concept, but whatever). The A/C is working again at work. So, um, that's good. And I ate leftovers for lunch and dinner, so, there's that too. Exciting stuff. That's why I didn't write yesterday.

But Today! This day is chock full of excitement! It's payday! It's the first day of October! It's the season premiere of Pushing Daisies! I found a new song that I love! I'm recommitting to a healthier lifestyle which includes, but is not limited to, eating healthier and exercising! My mom's favorite co-worker Kaye is back from vacation (isn't it wrong to play favorites, Mom?)! Someone brought homemade banana bread to work, and I think that might not work with my renewed commitment to a healthy lifestyle, but all things in moderation, right? right! See what I mean? Overflowing excitement and joy!

Don't you love payday and the first day of a new month and new tv and new songs? When I was a kid I felt like the first day of a new month was like a holiday. I love new. I love fresh starts. And when you couple a new month with my favorite season, you have one very happy Kara. The temperature is starting to go back down. The nights are cooler and I am ever anticipating the leaves on the trees turning to gold, red and orange. Have I mentioned before that I love fall?

I wondered whether I should mention that I am a fan of Pushing Daisies. I mean it is fiction and all, but I was perusing my bosses AFA journal one time and apparently it's one of the shows to ban. Probably something to do with the lead character bringing people back to life and what not. But it's a cute show, with a touch of whimsy. And whimsy is one of my top criteria for tv viewing. The others are intrigue (see Fringe and Alias), humor ( ala The Office, Scrubs, and Seinfeld) and flat out awesomeness (see LOST, the best show on tv). The couple on Pushing Daisies are absolutely adorable and Olive Snook (played by Kristin Chenowith) is hilarious. So, I'm glad it's back.

And I mentioned a new song. Rather, it's new to me. It's by John Mark McMillan and it's called How He Loves. And it is amazing. Because any time a song can remind me that I am loved extravagantly and relentlessly by the one and only God, well that's just peaches. Because I do need to be reminded. A lot. Check this song out, I think you'll enjoy it too.

Just to let you know, I am staying clear of the banana bread.